Where'd You Go, Bernadette(47)
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FRIDAY, DECEMBER 17
From: Bernadette Fox
To: Manjula Kapoor
I’m back! Did you miss me? You know how I said I was going to come up with a way to get out of going to Antarctica?
What if I had emergency surgery?
My dentist, Dr. Neergaard, keeps insisting I get all four wisdom teeth removed, which I haven’t been in any rush to do.
But how about I call up Dr. Neergaard and ask him to remove all four wisdom teeth the day before the trip? (And when I say how about I call up Dr. Neergaard and ask him to remove all four wisdom teeth the day before the trip, what I really mean is how about you call up Dr. Neergaard and ask him to remove all four wisdom teeth the day before the trip?)
I can claim it was an emergency, and that I’m devastated, but the doctor forbids me from flying. That way, husband and daughter can go on the trip themselves and nobody blames me.
Dr. Neergaard’s number is below. Schedule my surgery for December 23, any time after 10. (There’s a school recital that morning, and Bee is doing the choreography. The little rotter has forbidden me from going, but I checked online and found out when it is.) My plan is this: I’ll go to school, then pretend I’m going Christmas shopping.
The next time anyone sees me, I’ll look like a chipmunk. I’ll claim my teeth had been aching and I popped by Dr. Neergaard’s. The next thing I knew, he had removed four wisdom teeth and now I can’t go to Antarctica. Here in America, we call that a win-win.
MONDAY, DECEMBER 20
From Marcus Strang of the FBI
Dear Mr. Branch,
I am the regional director of the Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3), working in partnership with the Department of Homeland Security. My department within the IC3 tracks advance fee schemes and identity fraud.
You have come to our attention because of a charge on a Visa card billed to you dated 10/13, in the amount of $40, to a company calling itself Delhi Virtual Assistants International. This company does not exist. It is a shell company for a crime syndicate working out of Russia. We have spent the last six months building a case against them. A month ago, we were granted a warrant, which allowed us to track emails between your wife, Bernadette Fox, and one “Manjula.”
In the course of this correspondence, your wife has turned over credit card information, bank wiring instructions, social security numbers, drivers license numbers, addresses, passport numbers, and photographs of you, herself, and your daughter.
You are apparently unaware of this activity. Your wife suggests in one email to “Manjula” that you had forbidden her from using the services of Delhi Virtual Assistants International.
This matter is delicate and urgent. Yesterday “Manjula” asked for power of attorney while your family is away in Antarctica. We were able to intercept this email before it was delivered to your wife. Judging from her past behavior, we had every reason to believe she would sign it without hesitation.
As you read this letter, I will be landing in Seattle. I will be at the Microsoft Visitor Center at noon, where I expect you to meet me and offer your full cooperation.
In the next three hours, it is imperative that you do not share this information with anyone, especially your wife, who has proven herself to be an unreliable actor.
The warrant obtained was for all your wife’s emails in the past three months containing the word “Manjula.” There were literally hundreds. I have selected the twenty most relevant and have also included a lengthy one from her to a Paul Jellinek. Please familiarize yourself with them prior to my arrival. I suggest you clear your calendar for the rest of the day and week.
I look forward to meeting you at the Visitor Center. With your full cooperation, we are hoping to keep Microsoft out of it.
Yours,
Marcus Strang
P.S.: We all love your TEDTalk. I’d love to see the latest on Samantha 2 if time permits.
PART FOUR
Invaders
MONDAY, DECEMBER 20
Police report filed by night manager at the Westin Hotel
STATE OF WASHINGTON
CIRCUIT COURT
KING COUNTY
STATE OF WASHINGTON -vs.- Audrey Faith Griffin
I, Phil Bradstock, an officer with the Seattle Police Department, having been first duly sworn in, on oath, state that:
The above-named defendant on December 20, in the City of Seattle, Washington, while in a public place, did engage in indecent, abusive, boisterous, or otherwise disorderly conduct, under circumstances in which such conduct tended to cause or provoke a disturbance contrary to RCW 9A.84.030 c2, and did commit Assault in the Fourth Degree as defined in RCW 9A.36.041, both Misdemeanors, and upon conviction may be fined not more than One Thousand Dollars ($1,000) or imprisoned not more than thirty (30) days, or both.
This information is based upon the testimony of the complainant STEVEN KOENIG, night manager at the Westin Hotel in downtown Seattle. I find the testimony of Steven Koenig to be both truthful and reliable.
1. On Monday, December 20, at approximately 2 AM, Steven Koenig reports that he was on duty as the night manager of the Seattle Westin Hotel when he received a call from guest AUDREY GRIFFIN in Room 1601, complaining of noise emanating from Room 1602.