Tragic Beauty (Beauty & The Darkness #1)(84)

I nod and brace, then he reaches up and slowly turns the spray onto my body.

It’s like a thousand daggers stabbing me all at once. I gasp and whimper, feeling that strong pull to be quiet. I try to manage the pain, try to center my breathing, but it’s not working.

My body begins to cave, but he’s there, holding me strong. Tears bleed into the water, running down my face while I try so hard not to think about how I got to this place. The water seeps everywhere, including to that place between my legs. I feel the burn and stagger back into Gavin, clenching my teeth. But he stands there, unwavering, whispering into my ear how brave I am, how strong I am. I begin to cry and want so bad to give up, but his words are there, giving me the strength to keep going. Slowly, I turn around, then collapse into him when the water hits my back. I want to scream, but I bury my head in his chest and simply weep from the pain. Gavin’s chest begins to shake, and I know he’s weeping too.

But those whispers keep coming, telling me it’s going to be okay. It’s all going to be okay. Slowly, the pain begins to fade and I look up into his eyes—eyes rimmed red and filled with tears. His jaw is clenched tight, his face etched in pain, as though he’s suffering with me.

He cradles my head and I see tears slide down his cheeks while he gazes at me. But I’m better now, the pain has settled, and he sees that. He reaches for the soap and asks for permission. I nod and hold onto him while he rubs it between his hands and sets it down. Then ever so gently, he begins to wash me, brushing his soapy fingers over each and every bruise, every welt, every cut, as though it will wash away the memory that put it there. He whimpers when I whimper, he cries when I cry, our souls forging a bond that feels so strong it could hold back the tide, even though in so many ways, we’re still strangers. One night. One messed-up, beautiful night is all we had together, and yet I feel like I’ve been with him every night since then. Because in many ways, I have. He’s been in my thoughts, my dreams, my memories, like a dark knight who never ever left my side, even when I left his.

He’s washing my hair now, so gently, so carefully. I feel light begin to trickle in, like someone is slowly drawing back the curtains and letting the sun shine in, one golden ray at a time. I feel so cherished, so cared for. Just like that night, that stormy night, when he soothed my every ache so reverently.

By the time we’re done and he turns the shower off, I feel more like myself than I have in a very, very long time.

I look up into his eyes, swollen and red, like mine. When I press my lips tight, he knows I’m trying to say thank you. He smiles, and places a soft kiss on my forehead. Then his eyes fall to my lips, where they linger. But his jaw clenches and he looks away, then goes to open the door. I hold him back and guide his eyes back to mine.

I gaze up into his face with longing.

Please.

There’s a hardness in his face. A hardness I’ve seen before, when he was trying to protect me. But he doesn’t deny me this time, instead his gaze drops again to my lips and his hands come up and cradle my face. Then slowly, he leans down and places his lips gently onto mine. It’s a kiss of fairy tales. A healing kiss. A soothing kiss. So loving, so pure, so honest. It’s a kiss that slays my dragons and turns my world around, bringing me right side up, at least for now, reminding me that even though there is darkness in the world, there is still light to be found. I feel him. Feel his love, his caring, his desire. Yet, I still feel the demon, caged just below the surface, filled with rage and darkness and torment, that for the moment he has reigned tightly in, keeping it from me in this tender moment. Keeping me safe, even from him.

When he finally pulls back, we stare at each other for a long moment, all the while his fingers offering gentle caresses along my jaw. I’m not sure what the future holds, but somehow, in some way, with this beautiful man before me—gazing at me like I’m the most precious thing in the world—I feel ready and able to take that first step. That first step back into a new world.





EPILOGUE




Ava




The morning sun yawns against the sleepy sky, gearing itself up for another warm summer day. Its golden glow creeps quietly, tip-toeing over the tops of the oak and Cypress trees that surround the estate. A large fenced meadow rests just beyond the pool and manicured hedges, where I know three precious horses graze somewhere amid the trees.

Gavin sits beside me on the back porch, his arm wrapped around my shoulders while the bench rocks back and forth. I feel the caress of his fingers along my arm, trying to comfort me, care for me, as always. We’re both quiet, both in a weary haze after another night of terrors that, as usual, has me waking before dawn. Unable to fall back asleep, I’ve taken to watching the sunrise. Maybe because it’s a reminder that even though darkness settles in, the light always returns.

It’s only been a couple weeks, I have to remind myself, since Gavin freed me from my chains, but somehow it feels longer. There’s an odd stillness around me. The sort of stillness that slows everything down, but somehow manages to bring out all the details. The way the sunlight catches the angle of a flower petal, the way the breeze rustles the leaves in the trees, the way Gavin breathes when he’s deep in sleep. I feel as though I’ve gone from listening to loud, thrasher music blasting in my ears for an eternity, to suddenly dead quiet. In some ways, it’s peaceful, in other ways, it’s haunting. It gives me too much time to think, too much time to remember.