Tragic Beauty (Beauty & The Darkness #1)(65)
“D’ you rememer my brother Sean? Probly not. You were t’ young then. Looked kinda like me.” He chuckles. “Wull, not now, bu’ before.” The bottle goes to his lips again, and back to the floor with a clank. “They said was ‘n accident, playin’ with daddy’s guns, bu’ it wasn’” He shakes his head and points to a far corner of the room with the pistol. “Happened right over there. Saw th’ whole thing. I was eight, I think, and he musta been ’bout thirteen. He’d gone an’ snuck our daddy’s pistol.” He waves the gun in the air. “This ‘xact one. An’ I tol’ him he’d find out. That we’d get beat for it or worse, but he didn’ care. He jus’ sat back on his mattress, put it t’ his head an’ said, ‘If you’re smart, you’ll pick up th’ gun after me an’ do th’ same. Then…” Shayne puts the gun to his head. “Powww!” I jump, watching him pull the gun from his head, like it went off. “Brains an’ blood all o’er the place.” He chuckles. “My daddy made me clean it up too.”
He gets quiet and a sick realization settles into my gut. A realization that things were going on up here that no one knew about.
“But I wasn’ smart, Ava,” he says, shaking his head. “I didn’ have the balls t’ do it. I jus kep’ lettin’ him do those things t’ me. Least I didn’ have to fight my brother no more though. He’d make us do that see? He’d even make us touch each other. Do things like that. Fact, wasn’ too long after firs’ time he made Sean get on an’ get inside me, that Sean got th’ gun.”
Shayne puts the bottle to his mouth and takes a long drink, the shadows playing along his face. He sets it down and chuckles. “That didn’ stop m’ daddy though. I was all his after that. An’ he was smart. Knew how t’ keep things lookin’ normal. He’d play th’ big man in town. Smile. Help people out. Had me wearin’ long sleeve shirts t’ school when I had bruises. Threatenin’ that if I said anythin’, he’d kill me, make it like an accident like Sean. Said no one’d believe me anyways. An’ he liked it when I got in t’ fights. Thought it made m’ looked strong, which was better than weak. Cause people mighta noticed weak. And my momma…” Shayne snorts. “My momma jus’ acted like nothin’ wrong was ever happenin’ down here. She’d just go t’ church and try to pray it ’way. She’d say daddy had th’ devil in him and couldn’ help hisself, so we had t’ help him. Let him do what th’ devil needed. That worked for her see, cause if he got his way wi’ me, and Sean when he was ’round, she was safe, and she got t’ live on th’ big ranch, and be th’ wife of th’ big man in town. Cause he didn’t do those things t’ her. Jus’ us boys. Jus’ me.”
He lets go of the bottle and grabs one of the Roman Meal bags. “This is what I lived on mos’ days, stuck down here when I wasn’ workin’ th’ ranch, an’ things like rolls o’ salami, ‘cause I was growin’ back then, and they didn’ want me lookin’ too sickly. Sometimes I’d even get t’ eat with ’em, when daddy had th’ light goin’ on in him.” He chuckles. “That’s what my momma used t’ call it. Th’ light.” He lets the bag go, and cradles the pistol in his hands, looking down at it. “I hung on fo’ a few years after that, bu’ I was gettin’ to think, maybe Sean had th’ right idea. I was close. So close. Then you know wha’ happened?” He’s staring at me now, his black eyes looking lost in the shadows. “You threw tha’ rock at me. Here you were, this tiny li’l thing, with your worl’ crumblin’ down ‘round you, cause o’ your messed up parents, and you were jus’ tearin’ me up wi’ those rocks, not carin’ I was big enough t’ stomp all o’er you. And all for some scrawny cat you didn’ even know. Hell, it’d a probly bit you if you’d tried t’ pet it. Well, I tell you what. I was in love, Ava. And I figured if you were strong enough t’ keep goin’, then maybe I was too. So I kep’ goin’, Ava. Kep’ lettin’ my daddy have his way, knowin’ I couldn’ say nothin’ to no one, cause if they did believe me, they’d a taken me away from here…away from you.”
The words hang there, ripping me to pieces, one by one. I can barely see him anymore, for the blur of tears building in my eyes.
“Then once I got a li’l older, I got smarter, see. An’ I got my daddy on video with m’ cell phone.” He chuckles. “Boy, he wasn’ too happy ‘bout it, let m’ tell you what. Specially as he’d given me th’ phone so he could get hold of me when I was out ridin’ the ranch. I stood up t’ him and said I’d given Red a sealed letter wi’ the li’l memory card inside, and that if anythin’ happened t’ me, that he should take it t’ the police one town o’er. Not Carson, cause I knew he’d side with m’ daddy. And good ol’ Red. He knew. He knew, but didn’ question or nothin’. Jus’ took it and hung on to it. And I knew m’ daddy would be too careful t’ do anythin’ t’ Red.” He takes in a long breath and slowly lets it out. “So I purty much got wha’ I wanted from ’en on. Moved down t’ the quarters in th’ barn. Got that truck when I turned sixteen. Figured all I needed t’ do then was get you t’ fall in love wi’ me.”