Tragic Beauty (Beauty & The Darkness #1)(23)

“I should deny you,” he growls, with a hard thrust, “as you have denied me.” I cry out, as much from the pain he inflicts, as the hurt I can hear in his voice. “But I won’t.” He leans in close and wraps an arm around me, his fingers finding my flesh. “Because to deny you in this, would be to deny me.”

I clamp my eyes shut, the pleasure he grants as much an agony as the cruelty he wields, because I don’t deserve it. It only takes a few swipes of his fingers, and a few vicious thrusts, and we both come.

Then…quiet.

Gavin rests over me, panting, his body heating mine like a blanket of flames. He takes me gently by the hair and turns my head so he can see my face. “I’m not sorry.”

I close my eyes. “Good.”

He sighs and leans his head against mine, then withdraws, leaving me empty and adrift. My body stings, but it’s nothing compared to the pain inside. I lie there, watching him while he sits on the edge of the bed and cleans himself up with the towel. When he’s done, he just sits there for a moment, head hanging low. I wonder if he’ll send me away, back to my room, but instead, he takes in a breath and lies down, then nestles me against his chest and pulls the covers up. When he presses a kiss to my hair, I am empty no longer.

“When do you have to leave?” he asks. There’s no more anger in his tone, only resignation.

“Soon,” I say, my voice cracking.

Please don’t ask why.

Please don’t ask to where.

In the quiet that follows I can feel the conflict coming through in his breath, in the way his thumb absently strokes my skin. He has questions, I can feel it, but he doesn’t ask, doesn’t press.

We both know what this is.

One night.

That’s all we signed on for.

That’s all it can be.

He doesn’t have room for anything else, and I don’t have the option of anything else.

“Do you need me to set an alarm?” he asks, his voice soft but with an unmistakable quaver.

“No,” I reply, barely able to say the word for the lump in my throat. I know I won’t be able to sleep tonight. There’s too much in my heart, too much on my mind. I’m in a world I don’t want to leave, because I know it’ll be over so much quicker, and the life I have waiting for me is one I’m in no hurry to get back to.

His arms tighten around me. “This feels like a dream,” he murmurs, drowsiness roughening his voice.

“Maybe it is.” A dream I never want to leave.

Gavin takes in a breath and whispers my name as he exhales. By the weight of his tone, I know he isn’t just saying my name, he’s saying goodbye.

I feel the ache so far inside me I think I’ll break in two. He places one final kiss on my hair, then after a few moments, the weight of his arm around me settles and his breathing slows. He’s drifting into sleep.

Time wanders, my thoughts on Gavin, on my father, on Shayne, on the life I lived tonight, and the life I’ll be living after.

I’ve stolen time. Stolen a night with a man who in turn stole my heart. Gavin said I brought light to an otherwise dark place, but so has he. He will be my lifeline. He will be the light I cling to when things get dark. I want so badly to wake him and tell him just how much he means to me, how much this night has meant to me, but it will only make things more difficult.

Eventually, the clock strikes five.

The sands have run out.





CHAPTER TEN





The drive home is filled with memories of Gavin. How he held me, touched me, made me laugh and cry. How he clung to me in sleep. How he murmured my name as though dreaming of me when I slipped away.

As per his word, the car had been in his driveway, fixed, and ready to go, as though nothing had ever happened.

If he hadn’t come along last night…

Fate can be so strange, and at the same time, so cruel. Because now I’ve gotten a taste of something different, something better, and now I know what I’m losing. I thought I was just going out for sex, but in the end, I got so much more.

I’ve tried imagining all the ways I could see him again, but it’s nothing but a dream. A dream that can never be realized.

Dawn is just starting to break when I park the Lexus back in Ben’s garage. I scan my place and thankfully there’s no sign of Shayne. I see a light come on in Ben’s kitchen and quickly tiptoe behind the house to say a last goodbye to my friends.

Through the darkness, I can just make out their shapes by the oak tree, huddled against the cold. I’d be cold too, if I wasn’t wearing Gavin’s sweats under my dress. It didn’t feel right taking his Metallica shirt, but I needed something to remember him by. Figured he’d understand.

I hug my jacket tight around me and slip through the fence, wishing I was wearing something other than the heels from last night. The frosty grass nips at my feet as I walk towards them, and see their heads jerk up, a little surprised to see me at this hour. I walk into their huddle, and Jackpot and Chester instantly start nudging me for carrots.

“Sorry, guys,” I whisper, wishing I had saved a few to stash in the car. “Just wanted to say goodbye. It’ll be a while before I see you again.”

Just saying the words has a lump building in my throat.

Sadie leans her head against me, waiting for me to stroke her forelock. My hand shakes as I pet her softly between the ears. The boys still haven’t given up that I might have a carrot stashed somewhere.