To Have It All(81)
“It’s not fair,” Helen wept. “None of this is fair.”
I squeezed her, struggling for the right words. Today wasn’t a day to just listen to her. Today she needed to hear it would be okay. I just had to make her believe it.
“You know,” I began. “After the accident, before I went unconscious, you were the last person I thought of.”
Raising her gaze to mine, she asked, “Really?”
“I thought about how I hadn’t seen you in so long and how mad you must’ve been at me, and now you would have to come down and identify my body. I hated myself for that.”
“I missed you,” she murmured. “Coming to the hospital and seeing you in the bed like that was the worst day of my life.”
“I know it was,” I agreed. “I’m sorry I did that to you. I hope you know I never could’ve gotten through this without you, Hel. I’m grateful, little sis. I’m grateful you’re my sister, that I had you to help me through something no one else would have believed and for the chance to get to say . . .” I paused, knowing this would be hard for her to hear.
“Goodbye?” she croaked.
“Yeah, Hel. Goodbye. We don’t know what will happen today, but we should be prepared for the worst—expect the worst and hope for the best. If I do die, I want to have said all the things I needed to say to you. As hard as this is, I feel so blessed to have the chance to say it to you.” Kissing the top of her head, I went on, “All those nights on the street I felt so sorry for myself. I felt like I had nothing, but I was wrong. If being Max has taught me anything, it’s taught me that. I had someone who, come what may, would always love me and always have my back. I had you. Having someone like that is worth more than all the money in the world.”
“I’ll always have your back, Liam. Always.”
“I know that. I knew it then too. I just . . . I hated to disappoint you.”
“You’ve never been a disappointment to me. Ever,” Helen reiterated, as she wiped at her nose.
I held her a bit longer as she cried. “Talk to me, okay,” I told her. “You won’t see me, but I’ll be listening Hel. Whenever you need to talk, I’ll be listening.”
Her body shook with quiet sobs, shredding my insides, and when she finally seemed to calm down, she sat up and wiped at her face. “I’ll get some breakfast started for this one,” she announced as she nodded her head in Pim’s direction. “You want some pancakes little one?”
Pim reached her arms out for Helen, and we both laughed. This kid loved to eat. Helen stood and picked her up. “We’ll be in the kitchen.”
After they were out of sight, I went in the bedroom to wake Waverly, but found she was already up. She was just coming out of the bathroom as I entered.
A faint smile took her lips as she blushed at the sight of me. I couldn’t stop myself from grinning. She was stunning. “Good morning, beautiful.”
“Good morning,” she replied quietly as she pushed some hair behind her ear.
Walking up to her, I gave her a chaste kiss. “How are you feeling?”
“A little sore,” she admitted, and I frowned. I had been a little rough at times the previous night, but I never meant to hurt her. “In the best way, though,” she quickly clarified, easing my concern.
“Helen is making Pim pancakes,” I informed her.
“I wanted to get up early and make you breakfast.”
Pulling her to me, I held her. “That’s okay. I don’t have much of an appetite this morning.”
Burrowing her head into my chest, she took a few slow breaths, inhaling deeply as if trying to calm herself. “Last night was . . .” she paused. I didn’t think it was because she was searching for what she wanted to say next but rather trying not to cry as she said them.
“The best night of my life,” I told her. “I can’t tell you how grateful I am. For all of it, Waverly. You need to know, no matter what happens, you are an amazing woman, and you deserve only the best.”
She sniffled as she reached up and fisted my shirt. “I wish I knew why,” she rasped.
“I do, too,” I admitted as I rubbed her back. “Well, I did, but now, I don’t care why. Not anymore. Because if it hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have met you.”
Pulling away from me, she wiped under her eyes. Then she lifted her glossed-over gaze to meet mine. “No regrets, Liam. I don’t have one. No matter what.”
Taking her hand, I squeezed it, praying silently for the strength to get through this day. “Let’s go eat breakfast with Pim. I want to spend every second I can with my three favorite ladies.”
“As you wish,” she murmured.
The reality of the day hung heavy in the air. Even as we managed to navigate through the morning, it never left my mind. There was an unspoken agreement between Helen and me; we would do our damnedest to give Liam the best last day of his life. None of us knew for sure what was going to happen when Liam’s body was taken off life support, but we were preparing for the worst because in the deck of life, it seemed most likely we would be dealt the worst cards. That wasn’t the pessimist in me—it was the realist.
Matt texted, asking to pick Pim up at ten, and I replied telling him I’d meet him in front of the apartment building. I didn’t need him coming in and making another scene. It wasn’t Matt’s fault; he was only trying to be a good brother, but I couldn’t deal with his anger that day. It was too much. I owed him a million apologies, but they would have to wait.