Through the Fire (Daughter of Fire, #1)(51)

I stepped back as the door inched wider. My breaths came in short, erratic bursts as I tried to wrestle my emotions back under control. There was a part of me so desperate to see him, I wanted to swing the door open and throw myself at him. Only, I had no idea how he would reciprocate.

As Clay stepped into the room, his gaze searched for me. When our eyes met, the smile I’d seen on him earlier came to life across his features. One step into the room, he dropped everything in his arms. With his arms empty, he rushed toward me.

My heart raced faster than his steps.

He halted directly in front of me, a shadow passed over his features. He reached out for me before stopping at the last minute. Paused with his arm halfway toward my face, he stared at me with a weary expression. His eyes echoed the same doubts I’d had since spotting him.

Two years was a long time. There were no guarantees for either of us. He’d walked away from me while I was still reeling from my father’s death, which should have been enough for me to hate him. Except, I never could. The last words I’d said to him, “Don’t bother,” rang in my mind. Did he believe them?

“Clay,” I breathed, almost in disbelief that he could really be in front of me despite all the evidence.

Covering the final distance between us, I placed my hand on his chest. His heart hammered against my palm. I closed my eyes to memorize the rhythm. One of his hands rose to caress my cheek.

“I thought I’d never see you again,” I said, opening my eyes and leaning against his palm. The movement caused his fingertips to graze across the corner of my mouth. “And I wasn’t sure that you’d want to see me.”

His smile turned coy.

Unable to take the intensity of his stare a moment longer, I dropped my gaze away from his. His palm cupped my jaw, and his fingers toyed with the hair tucked behind my ear.

“Did you actually think that I’d forgotten about what I said to you?” he asked.

I smiled at his intuition. “I missed you,” I admitted. “Is that crazy?”

He was silent until I lifted my eyes back to his. His gaze was sure and steady as he said, “Not at all.”

The heat that had burned between us during our time together scorched the air.

“I’ve been going crazy since I left you in Charlotte. I thought about you so much, hoping that you were safe and staying out of trouble.”

I flinched at his words. My life hadn’t been trouble-free.

“How on Earth did you know I’d be here? I desperately wanted to check up on you, but they were watching my actions so closely. I couldn’t risk it. But you’re here now. I still can’t believe it. You’re even more beautiful than I remember. Did you know I’d be here?”

“I hoped you would be,” I said. Then, because I didn’t want to risk him asking questions about what I’d done since he’d left me, I pushed him for information. “What happened after you left?”

“Eth was certain you’d drowned in the river, but they did their best to make sure you were an official suspect in the fire at your house just in case.”

I nodded, recalling my run-in with the police because of my “wanted” status.

“I told them that you never came home.” He gently caressed my cheeks with his thumbs. “I didn’t want them to know where I’d left you or that we’d seen each other again. I’d rather they continue thinking you’d drowned. Even after . . .” He cut himself off and swallowed hard. “Even when they thought I was on their side again, I never told them the truth. I couldn’t betray you, Evie, even when I tried to live their way.”

“What do you mean?”

He sighed. “After I went back to Dad, he forced me to undergo retraining with the Rain.” A dark look crossed his face and then he shook his head as if to clear an unpleasant thought. “For a time, it almost worked.”

Even though I wasn’t exactly sure what “retraining” meant, his haunted eyes made me confident it wasn’t pleasant. I shuddered as I thought about what he must have gone through—all to cover up for me. During his confession, we’d moved even closer to each other. His hand ran over the back of my head, and his fingers went to the nape of my neck and traced the hair there.

“What did they do to you?”

Clay looked away from me, staring at a point on the wall somewhere over my left shoulder.

“Nothing that hasn’t been done before, or wouldn’t happen again if I go against the code.”

“They didn’t hurt you did they?” I asked. The thought that I might have been a cause of pain for Clay was devastating.

He met my eyes and pain echoed deep within them, but he hid it quickly. “No, not physically. They just . . . tried to make me enthusiastic about the cause again. Reminding me of all the reasons we do this, that sort of thing. I made sure it looked like I was, and then for a while I started to believe in it again. I trained harder than I ever had, and I took every mission I was offered. But inside, it just felt different. I can’t see the objective as being so black and white any longer. I can’t help but wonder if some of the other things we’d killed were just like you. As sweet, and loving, and caring as you.”

A small smile flickered across my lips.

“And that maybe . . . well, that they didn’t deserve to die.”