This Could Change Everything(58)

‘I can’t stop shaking. I can’t believe that an hour ago everything was normal . . . and now this is happening. We’re going to have an actual baby.’

Were they? He held Giselle and gazed past her, saying nothing. But she sensed the change in his breathing and pulled back to look him in the eye. ‘I couldn’t not have it, Lucas. God knows, we didn’t plan for this to happen . . . but I can’t do that. Please don’t ask me to.’

‘I wouldn’t. Of course not.’ He shook his head and wiped away a tear that was rolling down the side of her nose.

‘It would be easier, I know that. But I just couldn’t go through with it.’

‘It’s OK, don’t worry.’

‘How about us? You and me?’ Giselle searched his face. ‘I mean, we’ve been together for six months and everything’s been great, hasn’t it? We get on so well together . . . I love you, and you told me you loved me too. Unless you were just humouring me.’

‘Of course I wasn’t just humouring you.’ It had seemed like the right thing to say at the time.

‘So . . . if you meant it, maybe this needn’t be such a disaster after all. My mum’s friend got pregnant the first time she slept with this guy she met. They’d only known each other eight weeks when they found out. And that was thirty years ago,’ said Giselle. ‘They’ve been happily married ever since!’

Lucas nodded. He needed to support her, to be on her side. She was right: sometimes these things happened and everything turned out for the best. They knew each other well. Everyone loved Giselle. He’d thought he loved her too, until very recently, when Essie had come into his life and his emotions had been whipped up into a maelstrom of uncertainty and confusion.

But now this had happened and any idea that he might have had a choice had been blown away.

Giselle was pregnant with his child.

And Essie wasn’t.

Time to man up and accept that life was about to change. In pretty dramatic fashion.

‘Is everything going to be OK?’ Giselle touched his face and he saw the fear in her eyes. It was his job to reassure her.

He kissed her. ‘Of course it is.’





Chapter 27


When you had limited resources and a building full of deserving cases, how on earth did you choose the most deserving?

Zillah, arriving at St Mark’s Hospice, saw Elspeth in the otherwise deserted morning room, vigorously polishing the French windows that overlooked the terrace and the frost-gilded garden.

‘Hello, darling, I got your text.’

Elspeth hopped down from the chair. Since the staff here had looked after her husband during his last months a decade before, she had worked as an enthusiastic volunteer, helping out wherever she might be needed. Naturally chatty and empathetic, she was also an excellent listener.

‘Morning, Zillah! It’s the lady in room eight; her name’s Barbara.’

‘How long has she been here?’

‘Almost three weeks now. Such a lovely lady.’ Elspeth lowered her voice. ‘The thing is, it wasn’t until I got talking to her sister yesterday that I discovered Barbara had raised her daughter, Gail, on her own. Then last year . . . Hang on, let me just close the door . . .’

Once she’d heard the story, Zillah knocked on the open door of room 8 and introduced herself to Barbara. She explained about the small wishes she tried to grant and said, ‘Elspeth told me about the situation with your daughter. It must be so hard for you.’

‘It is, but it can’t be helped.’ Barbara pointed to two photographs in plain silver frames on the windowsill. ‘There she is, my beautiful girl. The one on the left was taken on her wedding day. And the other one’s the most recent . . . Oh, my heart just wants to burst when I look at her. She’s my whole world . . . always has been, since the day she was born.’

Zillah studied the photos. Gail had wavy fair hair, laughing eyes and pink cheeks. In the second photo she was visibly pregnant.

‘That was taken two months ago,’ Barbara explained. ‘Just before my relapse.’

‘You didn’t tell her straight away?’

‘I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Poor Gail, she’d have insisted on flying home, and I couldn’t put her through that, not in her condition.’ Barbara paused. ‘I’d been completely well for over two years when her husband was offered the job in Sydney. We thought the cancer was a thing of the past. And the doctors always warned her she’d have difficulty conceiving, so she was over the moon when she found out she was expecting. The plan was for me to fly over to Australia for a long holiday as soon as the baby arrived.’ She sighed. ‘But fate had other ideas.’

‘She knows now, though,’ said Zillah.

‘Oh yes, of course. But by the time she found out, it was too late. She’s at thirty-eight weeks now. No airline would allow her to fly home.’

In order to keep them safe, Barbara had effectively given up her last chance of holding her daughter and grandchild. And now her condition was worsening by the day.

Zillah said, ‘Oh darling, aren’t you lucky to have had each other for as long as you have?’

‘I am,’ Barbara replied. ‘I wish it could have been longer, but there you go. I couldn’t have asked for a better daughter, I do know that.’