This Could Change Everything(54)

Of course he would; he had extra-sensory perception or something surreal like that. Now he lowered his voice, sounding concerned. ‘Anything you want to talk about?’

Essie swallowed. Oh, and her period was due, which meant her hormones were going haywire and making her feel that much worse.

She probably wouldn’t mention that.

‘Come on. Something’s happened to upset you.’ He patted the stool next to him and leaned against the bar. ‘Is it your brother?’

‘No.’ Essie sat down and tried not to breathe in the havoc-making scent of his aftershave. ‘Not this time.’

‘Have you heard from the ex-boyfriend?’

Paul. She shook her head.

‘Tell me, then.’

‘It’s just . . . I don’t understand how life can be like it is.’ OK, here came the pent-up emotions, on the brink of tumbling out. ‘Because there are so many awful people in the world, but nothing bad ever seems to happen to them . . . they just carry on being awful and getting away with it. And then there are the really good people who never do anything bad, but something terrible comes along and blows their lives apart. They don’t deserve it, but it happens anyway, and it’s just so unfair.’

Lucas’s expression changed. ‘What’s happened? Essie, tell me. Is this you we’re talking about?’

‘It’s not me.’ Essie shook her head despairingly. ‘Someone I met the other day. She married her first love and they were so happy together, and their children are just the best, but yesterday her husband died. She’s only the same age as me. And she’s being so brave, but what has she done to deserve it? Nothing, nothing at all.’ To her horror, she realised tears were sliding down her cheeks. ‘It breaks my heart and it makes me so angry, because what’s the point of trying to be a good person if you’re still going to be punished like that?’

‘Life isn’t fair. You know it isn’t,’ said Lucas.

‘I do know that, but it’s still not fair that it isn’t fair.’ Great, and now she was burbling rubbish, because there was so much else she couldn’t say. When Tamsyn had arrived on the doorstep with those tulips, she had thought for a split second that they were from Paul. But, being completely honest, had she ever loved Paul as much as Tamsyn and Barry had loved each other? No, she was pretty sure she hadn’t.

Plus there were now the feelings she was incubating for Lucas, which were so inappropriate she couldn’t reveal them to a soul, let alone the soul who was the cause of them. Because other girls might enjoy the challenge of breaking up a happy relationship, but they were bad people who didn’t care how much pain they inflicted on others. And she absolutely wasn’t that kind of person.

OK, and she was still leaking tears at a rate of knots, which was embarrassing. She rubbed both hands impatiently across her cheeks; she’d never been one to cry, especially not in public, but the thought of Tamsyn and those two young girls of hers having to cope with the loss of Barry was just unbearable.

‘Here.’ Lucas passed her a red paper napkin and his hand brushed against hers as she reached for it. The physical contact only added to the current confusion in her brain, and she flinched and said, ‘Oh, sorry,’ before wiping her eyes again. ‘Have I got mascara everywhere? I bet I look a fright.’

‘Well,’ said Lucas, ‘you know kiss . . .?’

Essie looked at him, utterly baffled. What could he possibly mean by that? Was he saying he wanted to kiss her so thoroughly that he smudged her mascara? Because that just sounded bizarre. But he was looking at her mouth as if he wanted to kiss it . . .

Aloud she murmured, ‘Sorry?’

‘You know.’ Lucas made up-and-down zigzag gestures beneath his own eyes. ‘The band Kiss. Lead singer Gene Simmons. Black make-up all over the shop.’

Ergh, how could she have got it so wrong? How mortifying. And now he was reaching for another napkin.

‘Here, let me do it.’ He moved closer. ‘You’ve even managed to get mascara on your chin, and that’s quite an achievement. Stay still.’

Essie couldn’t meet his gaze; she closed her sore eyes and held her breath as Lucas gently wiped the affected parts of her face. Her skin felt as if it were on fire. Could he tell how fast her heart was beating? Did he have any idea how much of an effect his proximity was having on her body?

The front door had opened silently; it wasn’t until she felt the colder air from outside on her cheek that Essie opened her eyes and saw Giselle heading towards them.

Oh God, what on earth must she be thinking right now?

‘Essie! Oh no, what’s happened? Lucas, this had better not be your fault!’ Giselle dropped her overnight bag to the floor, knelt and pulled out a pack of make-up wipes, then took the mascara-streaked napkin out of Lucas’s hand. ‘Come on, let’s do this properly. He hasn’t been horrible to you, has he?’

‘Hey, I’m never horrible,’ said Lucas.

‘It wasn’t him.’ Essie looked at Giselle as, with nurse-like efficiency and compassion, she took over the task in hand. ‘I heard today that someone lovely had just died. And I always wear waterproof mascara, except this morning I accidentally bought a new one in Boots that wasn’t waterproof. But I thought it’d be fine because it’s not as if I ever cry.’