This Could Change Everything(55)

‘You poor thing. And how typical, isn’t it always the way? I bet that horrible feeling’s been stuck inside your chest all evening, building up and up like a pressure cooker until you just couldn’t hold it in any longer and out it all came.’

Essie nodded gratefully. ‘That’s exactly how it felt.’

‘Oh, I know, it happens to us at work all the time. Sometimes a patient really gets to you, you build up a real bond . . . then they die, and of course we’re upset. You’d have to have a heart of stone not to be. There, all done now.’ She stepped back, task completed. ‘You still look lovely. Don’t you have gorgeous skin? I’d kill for your colouring.’

Essie slid down from the stool. ‘Thanks so much.’ She indicated Giselle’s riotous auburn curls. ‘I’ve always wished I could have hair like yours.’

‘Ah well, I suppose we all want what we can’t have,’ said Giselle with a warm smile.

It wasn’t until Essie was making her way back home across the icy square that it occurred to her to wonder guiltily if it had just been a figure of speech, or whether Giselle somehow knew how she’d begun to feel about Lucas. Had she sensed the longing within her? Had that last statement been Giselle’s way of gently reminding her that Lucas was already taken, that he belonged to someone else?

With a shiver, she wondered if the two of them were completely aware of her growing attraction to him. Did they lie in bed together discussing it? Did Giselle tease Lucas about it? Did he laugh?

And would he tell Giselle about her reaction when he’d mentioned the band Kiss and she’d misunderstood?

Because if he did, oh God . . .

More guilt.

Up early for the arrival of the delivery from the brewery, Lucas made himself a strong coffee and waited on the top step for the lorry to pull up outside.

From here he could look across the frosty square and see the windows of Essie’s second-floor flat. Last night he’d wanted to kiss her so badly it had taken all his self-control not to. It had felt like being a teenager again, when the fact that you were already seeing one girl didn’t stop you from being attracted to the next one who came along. Back then, he’d enjoyed being the centre of female attention; relationships hadn’t been intended to last or to become serious. And he’d taken advantage of the offers, gaining something of a reputation for himself, because that was what being a teenager was all about, wasn’t it? Having fun and not taking life too seriously, because there was plenty of time for that later when you were grown up.

As time went by, he’d realised that playing with girls’ emotions wasn’t anything to be proud of. Getting to know someone and genuinely enjoying spending time with them was so much more rewarding than just mindlessly sleeping with virtual strangers, then having to fend them off afterwards.

It was one of those life lessons that came to most people eventually. Maybe his own less-than-happy home life had helped him to see it sooner than some of his friends had. Putting the meaningless one-night stands behind him, Lucas had vowed never to cheat on a girl again. It wasn’t worth the emotional hassle. From now on he would always remain faithful, be a better person and a nicer one. Plus, his conscience would be clear.

There was a lot to be said for that.

And until now, he’d found it easy to stick to. Which was why this situation with Essie had caught him so completely unawares. He was shocked by the intensity of his feelings for her. Worst of all, he’d known yesterday evening that Giselle was on her way over to spend the night with him, but while he’d been listening to Essie and wiping her tear-stained face, he’d still wanted more than anything to take her in his arms and kiss her.

Lucas exhaled, shifted from one foot to the other and wondered what was happening to him. This wasn’t the person he wanted to be.

Across the square, the front door of number 23 opened and his pulse speeded up. But it wasn’t Essie. Zillah emerged wearing a smart navy coat, a fuchsia-pink fedora and a matching scarf. Spotting him, she waved, and Lucas raised his hand in return. Then she climbed into her Mercedes and drove off, and the next moment the lorry from the brewery came rattling around the corner with the delivery he’d been waiting for.

Fifty minutes later, Lucas carried a mug of freshly ground coffee and a bacon sandwich upstairs and let himself into the bedroom.

‘Hey. Brought you breakfast.’ He sat down on the bed, and Giselle smiled up at him.

‘What’s brought this on?’

Guilt was the answer. Lucas said, ‘Does there have to be a reason?’

‘Where’s your sandwich?’

‘Already ate mine while I was making yours. And no, I didn’t forget,’ he added as she lifted the upper slice of bread. ‘One side ketchup, one side brown sauce.’

‘You’re a magnificent sandwich maker. And I hardly deserve it after last night.’ She gave him a playful nudge with her bare foot. ‘Sorry about falling asleep like that. I went out like a light.’

‘I noticed.’ He’d actually been glad of the reprieve; while he was feeling so confused, it would be wrong to sleep with her in that sense.

‘I was shattered.’ Giselle yawned and wriggled down beneath the duvet. ‘Mm, cosy. Couldn’t get me a glass of water, could you?’

‘Your coffee’s here.’

‘I know. Water first.’