They Wish They Were Us(93)
“Close your eyes,” he whispers. I do as he says, willing myself to not be scared of the darkness. Not anymore.
“Okay, open,” he whispers. “Look up.”
I flutter my eyes and turn my head to the sky. It’s a wide open galaxy. A million tiny pinpricks of light. The stars twinkle like diamonds. I can plot my entire life on tonight’s perfect map.
“Amazing, huh?” Quentin says.
“Breathtaking,” Nikki echoes.
They’ve all appeared, leaving the rest of Gold Coast Prep to itself for one last time.
“That one looks like a dick,” Robert says a little too loud.
“Shh, asshole!” Marla says. “You’re ruining it.”
“Ow, lay off!”
And suddenly, I laugh. I laugh so hard my stomach aches and I have to bend over to hold myself together.
Nikki starts giggling, too, and pretty soon we’re all in fits at the mouth of the Sound, staring up at the perfect stretch of sky my friends found just for me.
Henry is the first to get ahold of himself and soon we’re all quiet again, looking up. I wonder who we are right now, and how long we’ll stay this way. Will we recognize each other in a year? In ten? I wonder who Shaila would have become if she were still alive. What would Graham be like if he were here, too? I wonder what kind of damage we have inflicted on each other and if we will ever learn to heal. I wonder if we are ready to let each other go.
I turn my head slightly and spot the Big Dipper, the Lyre, the Eagle, Taurus. My constants. My truths. A shooting star flies across the sky, explodes, then disappears. Small waves crash softly at our feet.
Together, we stare into the darkness to find the light.
We did it.
We made it out alive.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Thank you first and always to my indomitable agent, Alyssa Reuben. She believed in this story from day one, and she also believed in me. I am so grateful for her tenacity, patience, and guidance.
Additional gratitude to the entire team at Paradigm, who scheduled phone calls, talked me through contracts, and are just, in general, the best: Katelyn Dougherty and Madelyn Flax.
My editor, Jess Harriton, is a gift to writers and a storytelling wizard. She saw what this book could be and helped make it so much richer, deeper, and more meaningful. I am in awe of her skill and generosity. Jess, I can’t wait to do this with you again.
All the design kudos to the incredible team who came up with the concept for and photographed this exquisite, compelling cover: Christine Blackburne, Maggie Edkins, and Jessica Jenkins.
Thank you to Elyse Marshall, a publicist I knew I would adore as soon as she ordered fries for the table.
And to every person at Razorbill and PenguinTeen who rallied around Jill and her friends, I am so lucky to have a cheerleading squad like this one: Krista Ahlberg, James Akinaka, Kristin Boyle, Kara Brammer, Christina Colangelo, Alex Garber, Deborah Kaplan, Jennifer Klonsky, Bri Lockhart, Casey McIntyre, Emily Romero, Shannon Spann, Marinda Valenti, and Felicity Vallence.
This book has so many additional possibilities because of the people who believe it could extend beyond the page: Meghan Oliver and Matt Snow at Paradigm, I am walking on clouds because of you.
Shoutout to Sasha Levites, my legal warrior. Her unflappability and ferocity are boundless.
Thank you to Sydney Sweeney, who shows me what hard work really looks like, and whose support is unparalleled.
Jill and the Players originated in Melissa Jensen’s YA fiction writing class at the University of Pennsylvania (yes, it’s a real class; yes, it was a dream). Melissa, thank you for this note in the margins: “I can’t wait for you to publish this one day!”
Years ago, I sat in Laura Brounstein’s office at Cosmopolitan and she asked me, “What do you really want to do?” This was a job interview, so the obvious answer was work here. But for better or worse, I said, “I want to write YA novels, but like, eventually, you know? Not now.” Her response: “Why wait?” Good call, LB.
To my editors at Entertainment Weekly, who urged me to keep going and to just keep writing, thank you for always saying yes: Tina Jordan, Kevin O’Donnell, and Chris Rosen.
To the members of Team Cosmopolitan, past, present, and future, thank you for the memes, life advice, and the endless supply of Cheetos and champagne. Life is sweeter because you’re in it. Extra special thank-yous to Faye Brennan, Meredith Bryan, Katie Connor, Sascha de Gersdorff, Mary Fama, Dani Kam, Sophie Lavine, Ashley Oerman, Jess Pels, Michele Promaulayko, Andrea Stanley, Molly Stout, Susan Swimmer, and Helen Zook. Allie Holloway took my beautiful headshot, and damn, she’s good at it.
Isabella Biedenharn, Ali Jaffe, and Kase Wickman were some of my earliest readers. Thank you for your thoughtful notes and encouragement that kept me going when there was no end in sight. Colette Bloom and Marley Goldman read many, many, many drafts of this manuscript, and I will spend the rest of my life thanking them for their precious time, feedback, and love. Hey, guys, you made this book better.
To my friends, who hugged me when shit got dark and celebrated when it all turned around. Man, I’m the luckiest: Maddie Boardman, Gina Cotter, Lisa Geismar, Mady Glickman, Josh Goldman, Katie Goldrath, Mahathi Kosuri, Ellie Levitt, Lora Rosenblum, Jordan Sale, Andrew Schlenger, Derek Tobia, Lucy Wolf, and Ari Wolfson.
Thank you to my sister, Halley, for learning how to Insta Story to mark this occasion, and for being my forever champion. You’re my hero. Lots of love to Ben and Leia for keeping the chocolate chip cookies and the cuddles coming (respectively, of course).