They Wish They Were Us(92)

“Tonight,” she says, raising her voice. “Bonfire at my house.” She turns in her seat to Topher, who leans in so close, he’s basically sitting on Quentin’s lap. “Spread it around, okay?” He nods.

Nikki faces us. “Let’s burn it all down.”



* * *



—

When Jared and I push through the front door, Mom is already in the kitchen, puttering around the island, prepping an enormous pot of linguini with clams.

“Jill?” she calls. Her maternal senses have moved into overdrive. For good reason I guess.

Mom appears in the hallway, her hands covered in oil and flecks of parsley. “Something came for you.” She gestures to the side table where the mail piles up.

A large, thick envelope with my name on it sits on top of the stack. The return address says Brown. My stomach flips.

“Do you want to open it?” she asks.

Jared inhales sharply behind me.

I reach for it and feel the weight heavy in my hand. The paper is made from fine cardstock, thick and embossed with ink. I stop myself from ripping it apart and instead close my eyes and remember everything that’s happened this year, everything that I lived through. I lived.

It all becomes so clear.

“Well?” Mom asks.

I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter,” I say. “I’m not going to Brown.”

Mom purses her lips. Dad appears behind her, a worried look on his face.

“I don’t want to. I want to go to State.”

“Jill, if this is about the money, we’ll find a way,” Mom says, wiping her hands on the apron tied around her waist.

“We will,” Dad says.

But I shake my head. “No,” I say. “I don’t want it.” I set the unopened envelope back down on the table. My voice is firm and my mind is clear. I’ve already forgotten the hunger, the need I felt to be there. Now that I know the truth, everything has changed. The idea of being around Adam’s past makes me want to barf. I have another option. My future exists at State and for the first time in a long time . . . I am free.



* * *



—

That night, I arrive at Nikki’s with Jared in tow. The boys have already started the fire on the beach and now they stand together at the edge of the circle with their arms by their sides, not saying much. Quentin nudges Henry when he sees me walk up. A cautious smile spreads on his face. One lock of hair flops over his forehead.

“Hi,” Henry says.

“Hi.” Before I can think better, I reach for him and wrap my arms around his waist. His body is tense at first but then he pulls me to him in a warm hug.

“We’re good, Jill. We’re all good,” he whispers into my hair. Something inside me releases and I finally feel forgiven.

Nikki appears with the massive green binder that holds everything about the Players. “Hey,” she says. Her eyes are wet. “Ready?”

I nod.

“Yes,” Henry whispers. “Let’s do it.” The others follow suit. Even Robert, who crosses his arms over his chest. His leather jacket tightens at the elbows.

I look around the circle now and see Players from all grades. The juniors and sophomores mingle together, shifting from foot to foot. Jared stands with his class in a little huddle. The mood is somber. Tomorrow would have been their initiation.

Nikki clears her throat and holds the binder above her head. The group quiets, expecting her to give a final speech, to pass the rules to the next Toastmaster in line.

But in one swift motion, she throws the binder in front of her, straight into the middle of the fire.

Topher Gardner gasps and a handful of sophomores bring their hands to their mouths.

Jared looks at me from across the circle, a slow smile appearing on his face.

“It’s over,” Nikki says softly, her eyes trained on the pieces of paper that go up, up, up in flames. The fire rages and grows taller until I can no longer see through its heat. “It’s all over.” She shouts this time.

“What about the Files?” Quentin asks.

“Gone,” Nikki says. “Rachel’s girlfriend’s a coder. I had her trash the app. It’s gone for good.”

Marla nods. “Well done, Nik.”

The undies stand with their mouths hanging open. I wonder if they wanted the Players to continue or if they’re thrilled at the idea of being regular. Of earning what they think they’re owed. We forced it on them and it’s not fair to take it all away. But something had to change. This year will be different.

We stand together in silence for another minute before Robert lifts his head. “Look.” He points toward the house. Dozens of people are now walking toward us, emerging from behind the reeds. It takes me a few moments to recognize them. Our classmates. People who never come to parties. The chess team and the jazz club. Marla’s field hockey crew. Pretty soon, it seems as if the entire school has assembled to watch the Players burn.

My heart thumps wildly in my chest. This is the way it should be. We’re no better than anyone else. We’re just the only ones who didn’t realize. Now we know.

“Hey.” Someone grabs my elbow and I flinch, pulling my body back instinctually. “It’s okay. It’s just me.” Henry appears next to me again. “C’mere,” he says. “I want to show you something.” He tugs gently on my wrist and I follow him down to where the water meets the sand.