The Relationship Pact(68)
I wipe my face with the back of my hand.
“Think about it,” she says. “If all of those people tucked you up under their arm and took you with them, would you be here and falling in love with Larissa?”
“No, but … I …”
In love with Larissa.
Panic streaks through me as I shake my head. “No, Judy. No, no, no. It’s not like that.”
“I think it might be.”
“You’re wrong this time.”
She shrugs. “Maybe. I’m human. But I know for a fact with my hand up that you are right where you’re supposed to be. You just don’t want to accept it.”
“Because it’s not true.”
She pats my hand again. “Sweetie, it’s okay to be scared. Especially if people have given you little reason to have hope in humanity. But those aren’t your people. God had to push them away so you could make it down here to your grandma Judy and Miss Larissa. Let us love you through this. Don’t push us all away.”
I wish. I wish so badly that she was right, and that this is where I belong. That I could come in here and have breakfast with Grandma Judy on the weekends and bring Larissa with me to meet her.
That I didn’t have to push them all away.
But all of that is a fantasy, a dream that won’t come true. Dreams don’t.
No matter how many stars I wish on.
Because I’ve tried that too. All that’s out there are dark skies.
Twenty-Three
Larissa
Patience is not my forte.
I dump my oatmeal down the garbage disposal.
I glance at my phone for the millionth time since Hollis dropped me off almost twelve hours ago.
What happened?
My emotions have gone through the wringer since he kissed me like his life depended on it and then waited for me to lock the door.
He left in a flash. And unlike the last time I felt like our goodbye was incomplete—he didn’t come back.
I sink against the counter.
My heart is bruised because I wanted to spend the first night of the year with him. I wanted him to have fun. I’d hoped we could start the year off in an amazing way with karaoke with Coy and the water gun fights that always happen before dawn.
He didn’t get to experience all those things, and I think he’d really have liked them.
But even more than that—my nerves are frayed.
He closed off more dramatically than the last time I saw him shut down. I hate it. I don’t think it was me. I hope it wasn’t. But I don’t know what set him off, and most of all, I’m terrified he won’t let me back in.
My throat constricts, my saliva hot as I try to stay calm. And look at my phone again.
The longer I stare at the screen, the more worried I get. The panic feeds off my fear and my desperate need to contact him.
I can’t take it anymore. I have to do something.
With my phone in my hand feeling like a brick, I press Bellamy’s number.
“How are you even awake?” she says with a laugh. “You all didn’t wrap up that party until well after dawn.”
“Not me. I was home before one.”
I hear her blankets moving around in the background. “Why? What happened?”
“Bells …” I force the lump that appeared out of nowhere away. “I don’t know what happened.”
“Starting from the beginning is usually a solid idea.”
I ignore her sarcasm. “Things were just …” I remember him sitting with Coy and how he chatted my dad up like they were buddies. The ease in the way he walked and how the little lines between his eyes vanished. “Things were great. Really great. And then they weren’t. I don’t know why. He just said he didn’t feel well and wanted to go. He dropped me off around one this morning, and … here we are.”
“Well, I’m going to need a little more to help you. Want me to come over?”
I shake my head. “No. Please don’t. I just need to figure this out.” I press my fingertips to my temple.
“Where is Hollis?”
“I don’t know, honestly. His hotel room, I guess. I hope.”
“You haven’t heard from him at all?”
“No. He’s … complicated. If you push him too much, he shuts down. Well, he usually ends up entertaining me and playing along, but last night was different, Bells.”
“So you thought he needed some space?”
“Yeah,” I say through the burn in my throat.
She sighs. “Well, it’s almost noon, so I think you’ve accomplished your mission.”
“Yeah,” I say again because that’s all I have.
Silence descends between us.
The cabinet bites into my behind. I press off it and pace around the kitchen.
“Are you waiting on me to tell you what to do?” she asks.
“You do every other time in my life, so …”
She laughs. “Sitting at home and stewing about it isn’t going to do you any good. It’s not going to help him either.”
“But what if he doesn’t want to talk to me?”
“Then you go home. Look, if he’s as complicated as you say he is, that stems from somewhere, and quite frankly, you haven’t known him long enough for it to be you at the root.”