The Kill Society (Sandman Slim)(90)

Alice hits Sarosh boots first at about a hundred miles an hour. The blow smashes him into the marble floor hard enough to bury him a good six inches. But the prick gets up. He’s bloody and his nose is a little off center, but the hit hasn’t slowed him down much. That doesn’t faze Alice. She lands and smashes her Gladius into his, knocking him back a few feet. That just pisses him off. He shouts and charges her. Sarosh swings his blade, but when she goes to block him, he slips under and tags her in the belly. It doesn’t stop her, but I can tell that it hurt like hell. Then Sarosh is on her, raining one chopping blow after another onto her Gladius. Wounded, Alice can’t take the crazy ferocity of the hits and goes down on one knee.

I look at Samael and he shakes his head. He’s still Death and Death can’t take sides. But I’m sort of Death now, too, so I rush Sarosh from behind.

When he raises his Gladius high for a killing blow, I grab his armor and shove the amber blade straight through the back of his holier-than-thou skull.

So much for a quiet entrance Upstairs.

His Gladius goes out and now he’s the one who drops to his knees. Alice gets up and shoves her Gladius into his chest, bringing it up sharply and splitting him neatly in half. He blips out a second later.

I run to Alice and grab her.

“Are you all right?”

“Yeah,” she says. “But part of the blow slipped between two armor plates and tagged me. I’ll be fine, but I need to sit down for a few minutes.”

The others come over. I let her down slowly and kneel next to her.

“That was a hell of a shot at the end, splitting him like that.”

She does a grimacing smile.

“I thought you’d like that. It’s the kind of thing I’ve seen you do.”

“You’ve seen me fight with a Gladius?”

“What? You think I haven’t been looking in on you when I could?”

“Very sneaky.”

“It’s no fun watching movies all the time without you.”

“So, I’ll just hold this forever, shall I?”

It’s Samael. He’s holding the drapes out as far from his body as possible.

“How about two more seconds? We’re having a moment here.”

He looks away.

“Now that you’re up here, I’m going to start sending you my cleaning bills.”

“Feel free.”

“They’re expensive.”

“I’ll get a job.”

“As what? There aren’t a lot of openings for wandering assassins in Heaven. The best you could hope for is bouncer at one of the beach bars.”

“Like college dudes and party bros doing tequila shots?”

“Exactly.”

I look at Alice.

“You didn’t tell me about any of this.”

She says, “Thank you, Samael. Thank you for making it a hundred times harder to get him to stay.”

He just raises an eyebrow.

He says, “They play reggae, too. All day and all night.”

I wonder if I can walk to Pandemonium from here?

“Damn. Not this fool,” Samael says. “I hoped never to see his ridiculous face again.”

“Who?”

“Oh no. It’s Michael,” says Alice. “He went to the other side. Now he’s a rebel general.”

The archangel Michael sets down gracefully on the marble. It’s easy to see why Samael hates him. He’s handsome. Like right up there with Samael’s cover-model looks. Only Michael is meaner around the eyes. If he was mortal, he’d be the kind of good-looking guy who spends too much time in bars complaining about foreigners, chemtrails, and Area 51.

Alice grabs my coat.

“Help me up.”

“Wait a minute.”

As far as I’m concerned, Mr. Universe isn’t the real problem. The real problem is the twenty other rebel angels hovering over him. Mr. Muninn invited me here, you’d think he’d be a good enough host to help me get past the damn gates. But like so many other times when I could have used a little Heavenly help, he’s a no-show.

I look at Samael.

“I suppose you can’t take sides here either.”

“Oh no. Actually, I can kill all the rebels I want.”

I hold out the amber blade to him, but once more he declines.

“I think you should hold on to that for a while longer.”

“What are you going to use, though? Can you manifest your Gladius? I saw you use two of them once.”

He sighs. “There’s another downside to being Death. I have a pretty amber blade that will kill anything, but I lost my Gladius.”

“Fuck.”

“I agree completely.”

Alice grabs me.

“Help me up. If I’m going to die, I won’t do it on my back.”

I pull her to her feet. She does her best to stand straight up, but she can’t quite do it.

Michael heads for us.

“If it isn’t Sandman Slim, the monster who kills monsters. Isn’t that what they call you?”

“I prefer Abomination. It fits better on a T-shirt. I’d comp you one, but we don’t have any big enough for your ego.”

“Why would you say that? You don’t know anything about me.”