The Girl I Used to Be(93)

“You’d do that? You’ve never wanted to work with me before.”

“All this,” he said, “not David, but all the rest . . . You’re out at work all the time and I know you want to spend time with Rory. You’ve done so well, building up the business, and it’s as though you’re being punished for that now. I want your business to thrive. I want to be part of that, Gemma. I want both of us to do it.”

I hardly dared ask. “What about Ireland?”

“Can we think about that as something for the future?” he asked. “In a few years’ time, maybe?”

“What, not by Christmas?”

He laughed. “I’m sorry. I was an idiot.”

I was exhausted. “Let’s talk about it tomorrow,” I said. “I need to go to bed.”

Outside the sky was still dark. We had a few hours until Rory would wake. He lay in the center of my bed; before I’d left the evening before, I’d promised him he could sleep with me that night. He lay on his back, legs and arms spread wide, Buffy buried in the crook of his neck. Carefully Joe and I got into bed either side of him and Joe reached over to hold me in his arms. Rory lay between us, his chest slowly rising and falling. In his sleep he seemed to know we were there, and snuggled between us.

It was all over.

I held Rory and Joe close to me. They were my future, but they weren’t the only ones I had to consider now.

I thought of Rachel in her hospital bed and hoped she was sleeping and not thinking about the man she’d married who’d destroyed her family. I hoped she could move past the tragedy of her childhood, knowing she’d overcome the worst things life could throw at her. I knew she’d always be part of my life, the way she had been for so many years without my realizing it.

And Alex, too. I thought of the boy he used to be and how at last he was vindicated. There’d been a moment when I’d stood in his bedroom where I’d felt connected to him, where I’d sensed his presence there, not just in the way his hockey stick stood behind me, as though it had waited fifteen years to be put into my hands again, but in the way his sister and I had moved as one to bring David down. Alex was there with us in that moment, rooting for us, giving us strength.

Rachel and I had to live our lives for him, now.





DISCUSSION QUESTIONS


1. Do you think Gemma’s parents were right to persuade her to drop the charge against Alex? Was it really in her best interest?

2. Given the seriousness of the accusation against him, do you think Alex should have had the right to defend himself in court?

3. If the case had gone to court at the time, do you think Alex would have been found guilty?

4. Gemma met Caitlin at university and they were best friends for years before Gemma met Joe. Gemma assumed that if she confided in Caitlin, her loyalties would be to her brother rather than her friend. Do you think Gemma was right?

5. How much do you think David’s rejection from Oxford—and Alex’s acceptance—was the reason for his behavior that night? Why do you think he chose the crime he did instead of committing a different violent act (e.g. self-harm or getting into a fight)?

6. Gemma is terrified that if her marriage ends, she will no longer live with Rory. Do you think this fear prevents some women from fulfilling their career potential and encouraging their partners to be stay-at-home dads?

7. Alex’s father responded to his son’s death by running away and starting a new family, whereas his mother responded by breaking down and refusing to leave the family home. Why do you think Rachel blamed her mother rather than her father for her subsequent lack of a healthy childhood? Why do you think people can react so differently to a tragedy?

8. What difference do you think it would have made to Alex’s mother’s physical and mental health if she’d known what really happened at the party?

9. In the final scene, Joe says he wishes Gemma had talked to him, but there were occasions throughout the book where he clearly knew she was unhappy. Do you think the responsibility also lay with him to talk to her and to try to discover the cause of her unhappiness?

10. Rachel has grown up believing Gemma was responsible for the destruction of her family. After everything they’ve been through in this book, do you think they have the chance of becoming true friends?





DON’T MISS MARY TORJUSSEN’S





GONE WITHOUT A TRACE


AVAILABLE FROM BERKLEY





“A clever, fast-paced tale with a twist so sharp it will give readers whiplash.”

—#1 New York Times bestselling author Tami Hoag “One of the most interesting narrators I’ve ever come across.”

—Shari Lapena, New York Times bestselling author of The Couple Next Door “A gripping page-turner from start to finish.”

—Library Journal (starred review)





ONE


I WAS SINGING as I walked up the path to my house that day. Actually singing. I feel sick at the thought of that now.

I’d been on a training course in Oxford, leaving Liverpool as the sun rose at six, returning at sunset. I work as a senior manager for a large firm of accountants, and when I got to the reception of our head office and signed myself in, I scanned the list of attendees from other branches and recognized several names, though they weren’t people I’d met. I’d read about them in our company’s newsletters and knew they were highflyers, and for the first time I realized that must have been what the company thought of me, too.