The Girl I Used to Be(89)

And I thought, just for a second, of the girl I used to be, the girl who played chase around the house with Alex, who taught him to dance with girls. The girl who lay on the floor next to his bed night after night after he was accused of rape, listening to him cry.

I was thinking all those things and more, when I saw, out of the corner of my eye, David’s fist coming toward my face.





SEVENTY


    GEMMA


RACHEL CRASHED TO the ground like someone in a cartoon. I blinked, thinking she’d bounce back up, but she lay still, her head against the wooden leg of the bed. Almost immediately there was a swelling the size of an egg on her temple and for one mad moment I thought she was dead.

“So,” said David. He was breathing hard and took no notice of his wife’s body lying on the floor. He stepped over her: one step nearer to me. “It’s just you and me now, Gemma.”

I stumbled back until I banged into the door. I could feel my phone in my jeans pocket and I was desperate to take it out and call for help. I needed to get out of the room, to run away from him.

He clearly knew what I wanted to do. He reached out, his hand almost brushing my face, and I flinched. He touched my hair then and it felt like an assault. My eyes met his; I saw excitement there. He let go of my hair and reached out beyond me to slam the door shut.

I jumped.

He smiled at me. “Not quite what you were expecting?”

I couldn’t say a word. It was like being in a room with an animal, one you can’t take your eyes off. One that you’re terrified of.

“So, who thought we’d meet up again here?” he said. “This is where it all started between us, isn’t it?”

I froze.

“Remember that bed?” he asked, his voice soft, almost a caress. “How much do you remember? I’d love to know that. When did you become aware of me, Gemma? What woke you? Do you remember the first touch? I’ve always wondered.” His tongue flicked out to wet his lips. “I liked to think of that, afterward.”

Acid rose at the back of my throat. I tried to make myself not listen, to plan instead what I should do. I could feel Alex’s hockey stick behind me and I tried desperately to gather strength from it.

“You were always my special one,” he said. His eyes were bright and I saw beads of spittle foaming at the corners of his mouth. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. “You were the first, you see.” For a moment he looked proud. “I did pretty well, didn’t I? It took you fifteen years to figure out it was me. In a way I would have liked more of a challenge, but you know, if you’d been a bit brighter I wouldn’t have had the chance to do the others. And not all of them were quite as acquiescent as you, Gemma. I wouldn’t have missed out on that for anything. So in a way I should thank you.” His eyes glittered. “You gave me the idea, the opportunity. You gave me everything.” He smiled at me. “You made me what I am.”

I shuddered. His eyes were fixed on me, and while my mind raced as it thought of escape routes, I knew I had to distract him.

“America didn’t work out for you, then?” I said.

“Let’s just say my time was up there,” he said, and smiled at me.

I knew that Rachel had been right about the other women. My body shook at the thought of what he’d done, and I had to gather all my strength to talk to him when what I wanted was to run as fast as I could.

“Funny you turned up at the funeral,” I said. “Paying your respects, were you?”

He shrugged. “Well, yeah, in one way you could say that. She was always good to me.”

And look how he’d repaid her.

“Then you fell in love with Rachel. Bit convenient, wasn’t it?”

He laughed. “She called it serendipity. To be honest, I’d forgotten all about her until I saw her standing there, crying by the coffin. It’s amazing how a bit of money can make someone so much more attractive.”

“So when she said she wanted to get revenge,” I said, conversationally, “you just thought you’d go along with it? Bit of excitement for you, was it?” Out of the corner of my eye I saw something move behind him. Rachel’s hand lifted, just an inch. My stomach tightened. I had to keep his attention away from her. “Or was it your idea all along?”

“Nah,” he said. “That was her idea.” He laughed again. “One of her better ones. And of course I didn’t exactly object. It was fun getting to know you better the second time around.”

Anger burned inside my stomach. “Shame you had to drug me to do that.”

He shrugged. “Sometimes I like to take the easy way out. I couldn’t risk you turning me down at the last minute, could I? Well, I could . . .” He smiled at me and I knew that he would have loved that challenge. “But Rachel was waiting for me back at our hotel. So I thought I’d wait. I didn’t give you that much, anyway.” His eyes gleamed. “I saved the rest for her.”

I tried so hard not to express disgust at this. “What, so that you could take photos of her without her knowing? Just as you did with me?”

“Well, I do like my souvenirs.”

I know it was stupid, but I had to ask. “What have you done with those photos?”

He grinned. He knew this was my weak spot, the thing I’d worry about for years. “You’ll never know, sweetheart.” He glanced over at Rachel. “And neither will she.” He moved a step closer. I stepped back and the hockey stick rubbed against me. I couldn’t swing it from that angle, I knew, and I didn’t want the stick to fall to the ground. I knew he hadn’t noticed it was there. I needed him to move away. My mind was working frantically, and then he added, “Speaking of which, that photo from the night we met . . .”