The Girl I Used to Be(54)

“Sit down, babe,” he said. “I’ve missed you. Now tell me what you’ve done all weekend.”

We sat and chatted about Amsterdam. David had been there several times, but this was my first time. I hadn’t really been to many places, but now that my mum’s money had come through, I was determined to change that. I was going to live the life I knew she’d want for me, if only she’d been sane enough to know it.

“You’re looking nice,” I said. “New shirt? It looks great.”

“Yeah, I did a bit of shopping on Friday lunchtime,” he said. “Got a few new things.”

“And you saw Danny on Friday night?” I asked. “Where did you go to?”

He told me about the bars in Liverpool that they’d been to, bars that he and I often went to, where he had a lot of friends.

“What about last night?” I asked. “Did you do anything?”

“No,” he said. “I was wasted from Friday night. I drank far too much.” He grinned at me. “I was missing you! I need you to be the sober one when I go out.”

I laughed. That was always my role, to stay a few drinks behind him so that I could get him home when he’d had too much. He wasn’t like my mum when he was drunk; where she’d just want to talk about the past, he liked to talk about the future: what we’d do, where we’d go. It was exhilarating hearing him talk about us traveling around, backpacking in Peru or bungee jumping in New Zealand. I’d never thought of doing those things before and, frankly, the thought of them scared the life out of me, but the prospect of doing them with him was exciting.

“So you stayed in?” I asked.

He looked up. “What?”

“You stayed in last night? You poor thing. I’m sorry, baby,” I said. “I hate to think of you staying in at the weekend.”

“No problem,” he said. “I was too tired to go out. I had a takeaway and got an early night.”

I steeled myself, waiting for the body blow that I’d heard occurs when someone discovers their lover’s lies, but it didn’t happen. I realized then that I’d always known that he lied to me, that he’d probably been unfaithful, too, though this was the first time I had evidence of it.

I took a sip of my drink. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t ask him again, or mention what Jennifer had said. It would sound as though I didn’t trust him, and I knew that wouldn’t go down well. I thought for a second of her bumping into him and mentioning it; I just had to hope she wouldn’t.

“But you’re right,” he said. He took the glass from my hand. “I’ve been lonely, here on my own. Why don’t you make up for it?” His eyes gleamed. “Pay the price for your weekend away with the girls.”

I smiled and stood up. “Good idea,” I said. “I’ll just put this food away and I’ll be with you.”

“Great,” he said. “I’ll get a quick shower.” He started to take his shirt off, walking into the bedroom leaving a trail of clothes behind him. I quickly picked them up and put them into the laundry basket.

When I heard the shower start, I went into the bedroom. Quietly, I slid the wardrobe door open. A couple of new suits were on his side of the wardrobe. The labels were still on the cuffs: Paul Smith and Hugo Boss. Hanging next to them were several new shirts and below a couple of shoe boxes had been thrown in, as though they were nothing. They weren’t nothing, though. In his lunchtime, in just one hour, he’d casually spent thousands of pounds of my mother’s money, and there wasn’t the slightest acknowledgment from him.

I closed the wardrobe door and went back to the living room. The tray of glasses and plates was still on the coffee table, and I picked it up and took it into the kitchen.

On Thursday night David had put the wheelie bin out, ready for collection on Friday morning. Just before I left for Amsterdam, I’d taken the bag from the bin in the kitchen and put it into the wheelie bin, then put a fresh plastic bag into the kitchen bin.

Now I held my breath as I pushed the bin’s swing lid. There was nothing in there. No takeaway food cartons, nothing at all. It was completely empty. Quietly I opened the back door and lifted the lid of the wheelie bin, just in case he’d put it straight out there. Sometimes I did that if the food was very spicy, though I’d never known David to do it.

That, too, was empty.

I locked the back door and stood against it with my heart pounding. I knew it. He hadn’t been here on Saturday night. I’d known from the moment Jennifer spoke to me that he hadn’t.

I didn’t let myself think about where he’d been or who he’d been with.

I couldn’t. I couldn’t afford to lose him. Not now.

I picked up the bottle of wine and filled my glass to the brim. I drank it straight down.

By the time David came out of the bathroom I had put on the lingerie he liked, sprayed the perfume he’d chosen for me, and put on the music he liked best.

“Come on, sweetheart,” I said. My throat was swollen with tears I knew I couldn’t shed. “Let me make it up to you.”





FORTY


    GEMMA


Monday, August 14

I FOUND IT really stressful waiting for Rachel to return to work. I knew I was going to have to talk to her, but I couldn’t think how I was going to say it and what she’d say in response. What if she denied knowing him? I had no right to go back into her place to prove he was there. And I had no evidence that David had actually done anything, apart from an e-mail that looked like spam.