The Girl I Used to Be(52)

Had he been sent something? David clearly knew our address, but did he know Joe’s name? Why would he want to send him something, anyway? Wasn’t he content with making my life miserable?

My fingers were damp on the screen as I answered.

Just setting off. What’s up? x

There was no reply at first. I panicked and had to stop myself from sending another message that would incriminate me. I had just started up the car and had reached the gate of the car park when I heard another message arrive.

Just come home now. I’ve sent Rory to Sam’s house for a couple of hours.

I started to shake. What had happened? I sent a reply:

Don’t just say that. Tell me what you’re upset about. I don’t want to drive home panicking.

I reversed back into my parking space and waited. I thought I was going to be sick with the tension and couldn’t have driven then even if I wanted to. It seemed ages before another message came through:

I’m trying to think of a reason why you would stay in a hotel in Chester when I was away in Ireland.

My heart flipped. How did he know that? How did anyone know that? I’d left our house just before seven P.M. and I knew nobody had seen me. I’d been on the lookout for that. And yes, I’d driven up and down our street at midnight, just to check that he hadn’t tried to burn the house down, but when I saw that everything was okay, I’d gone straight back to the hotel. Nobody had been following me. I’d driven at least two miles without anyone behind me at all. I’d never been to that hotel before, never mentioned it to anyone.

And then I thought, maybe he knows because of our bank statement? I took out my phone and went onto our online banking service. It showed that the last time it had been accessed was this afternoon, just an hour earlier. I scrolled down the list of credits and debits and saw that the hotel’s charge was there.

I could have cried with relief. Nobody had told Joe, he’d just figured it out for himself.

But what could I tell him? Why would I go to a hotel when I could stay in my own house? There had to be a reason. I hadn’t even thought about the hotel bill at the time; I’d been in such a state that I’d used our joint debit card to pay for it, without thinking he’d see it.

Then I had a flash of inspiration and sent him another message:

There was a mouse in the kitchen and I couldn’t stand the thought of sleeping at home. Why do you think I had to clean up the house? I’m on my way now.

I started the car feeling dreadful. How many more lies was I going to have to tell him? And how on earth would I have got rid of the mouse?



* * *



*

JOE WAS WAITING for me when I got in. He looked so guilty that I felt even worse. He came over to me and hugged me. I put my head on his shoulder, glad for the comfort but feeling terrible that I’d got it under false pretenses.

“I’m so sorry,” he said. “I know how you feel about mice. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“There was nothing you could do about it from Ireland,” I said, hating myself for making him feel so bad. “At the time I couldn’t even speak about it without getting hysterical.” I’ve always been like that about mice; Caitlin and I had had them in one of our student houses and I’d had to go home to my parents’ until some of the braver students had sorted them out. “I meant to tell you when you came home, but then I didn’t want to tell you when Rory was there. By the time he’d gone to sleep, I didn’t want to think about it.”

I’d no idea that I could be so convincing.

“I thought the worst,” he said, his mouth against my hair. “I remembered your knickers in your dressing gown pocket, and I thought you’d been seeing someone else.”

I knew that in the past I would have laughed at that suggestion. The idea of me having an affair would have been outlandish. I tried to laugh now and hoped it didn’t sound forced. “There’s nothing to worry about.”

I wanted to say, I wouldn’t do that to you, but maybe I had already. How could I know? The more I thought about that night, the less I knew.

“So where was the mouse?” he asked. “And how did you get rid of it?” He paused. “You did get rid of it, didn’t you?”

“I got Neil to come round.” Neil was one of the handymen we used for the tenancies. “He sorted it out. Don’t ask me any more than that; all I know is it’s gone. He put poison down, too, but that’s under the floorboards; there’s no need to worry about Rory finding it.”

“So that’s why you cleaned the house? Oh God, Gemma, I’m so sorry. I know it was a mess.”

I did feel guilty about that, but you know what, it was his fault it was a mess. He and Rory lived like teenage boys; they had great fun but the house was always untidy.

“Forget it,” I said. “It was nice to be in a hotel.”

“You’re going to get used to that,” he said. “That’s twice in a couple of months you’ve stayed in a hotel.”

My cheeks flamed and he laughed. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You deserve a break. You work far too hard.”

I just couldn’t help it. “But, Joe, what’s the alternative?”

“What do you mean?”

“I have to work hard,” I said. “I don’t have a choice, do I? I can’t afford to pay for staff when I could do the job myself.”