The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue (Guide #1)(74)

“So what do you want? A medal?”

“No, we’re just asking for a little consideration,” he said. “This has been a terrible week for you, but it hasn’t been easy for us, either! We learned secrets about our favorite television show, we found out our hero isn’t who we thought he was, we found ourselves in the middle of a scandal, and we just found out we’ve lost everything that held our friendship together! Why don’t you cut us some slack?”

The remark got under Cash’s skin and he stopped to face Topher and the others.

“I’m sorry I ruined your favorite show. I’m sorry I ruined your little road trip. I’m sorry for dragging you into the dark side of my world. But I’m not sorry you lost a hero, because you’re all adults. You should know by now that heroes don’t exist. It’s your own fault for thinking they do.”

“That’s not true!” Topher said. “I know heroes exist because I’m my little brother’s hero. It isn’t easy, it’s not always fun, it’s full of hard choices, and sometimes you have to put yourself second to help the people you love. But being a hero is a choice and you’ve chosen to disappoint millions of people by leaving your show! So don’t tell me heroes don’t exist when you’re just too selfish to be one!”

Joey, Sam, and Mo were expecting this to infuriate Cash, but the actor didn’t look upset at all. On the contrary, he stared at Topher with pity like he was a sad little boy.

“You’re wrong, Topher,” Cash said. “You could devote years to doing everything you just said and still disappoint people the second you put yourself first. You can’t manage your brother’s happiness any more than I can manage yours. The truth is you’re only responsible for one person and that’s yourself—believe me, I’ve learned that lesson the hard way.”

The actor suddenly dropped to his knees and held his head in pain.

“FUCK, MY HEAD HURTS!” he moaned.

Cash opened the front pouch of his backpack but couldn’t find what he was looking for.

“Shit, I’m out of gummies, too!” he said. “Maybe one fell to the bottom.”

Cash dumped out his bag and frantically searched through his things. An empty prescription bottle rolled out of his bag and across the ground to Topher’s feet. He picked it up and read the label.

“OxyContin?” he said. “Why are you traveling with narcotics?”

“Don’t look at that!” Cash demanded. “Give it back.”

“Is this what you’ve been taking?”

The actor’s face filled with shame—it was the first time they’d seen him embarrassed about something.

“It’s not what you think,” he said. “Look, I got injured on the set of Wiz Kids a couple months ago and I’ve been trying to wean myself off—”

“You’ve been popping these like vitamins since our trip started! That’s hardly weaning yourself off,” Topher said, and came to a disturbing realization. “Holy shit—you’re an addict! Everyone was right about you! We’ve been protecting you and defending you this whole time—and you’ve been lying to us!”

Cash let out a low and sinister laugh as he repacked his things.

“It sure is rich to be called a liar by you lot,” he said. “I mean, thou without their own secrets cast the first stone. Oh that’s right, you can’t, because you’ve all been lying to each other, too!”

Topher couldn’t see his friends behind him, but the comment made Joey, Sam, and Mo very tense.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Topher said. “We don’t keep secrets from each other.”

“Oh really?” Cash asked. “Shall I go down the list?”

“Cash, no!” Sam said.

“Please stop,” Mo said.

“Don’t do this, man,” Joey said.

Topher was very confused by the pleading expressions on his friends’ faces. It was like everyone knew something he didn’t.

“Why is everyone freaking out?” he asked.

“Let’s go in a circle,” Cash said. “Joey’s gay—I caught him on a date with a guy he met on a gay hookup app. Mo’s throwing her life away—she’s only going to Stanford to please her father. Sam’s transgender and the only reason he’s hiding it is because Topher’s in love with him and he’s in love with Topher. Did I miss anyone?”

Everyone froze as if Cash’s words had turned them into stone. They had never in their lives felt more exposed, more violated, or more gutted. It was as if someone had ripped off all their clothes and chucked their hearts into the depths of the Grand Canyon. Cash knew what he had just said was horrible and inhumane, but it was too late to take it back. The damage was done.

“I can see a hiking party headed this way,” he said. “I’m going to ask them if someone will give me a ride to the nearest town.”

The actor struggled with how to say good-bye to the kids from Downers Grove, but the right sentiment never came. Instead of saying anything, Cash just hurried through the trees toward the hikers he saw and disappeared from sight. Topher, Joey, Sam, and Mo didn’t follow him, though. In fact, they stayed exactly where they were, silent and still, until it was dark outside.