The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue (Guide #1)(12)
“Don’t worry, I’m taking the first driving shift tomorrow,” Topher said. “You can sleep in the car if you need to.”
Although he would never admit it, Topher had been crushing on Sam since the eighth grade. He had been in denial about it for five years and was constantly fighting off his feelings like they were symptoms of an oncoming cold—but nothing could cure him of Sam. There was something about her that was different from all the other girls Topher had ever known; it was something familiar that made her so easy to talk to and fun to be around. He was convinced there was no one else like her on earth.
There were many times Topher had suspected Sam might feel the same way about him, but she was a tough egg to crack. As close as they were, Sam had always been a very guarded person. But perhaps that was what Topher found most intriguing about her: Sam was a mystery waiting to be solved.
“I’m so excited about our trip,” she said. “But it’s kind of bittersweet, you know? In a couple months we’ll be so far away from each other. Each time I try to wrap my head around it, I get so depressed.”
“I know exactly how you feel,” Topher said. “Look at it this way: our band isn’t breaking up, we’re just gonna take a sabbatical until our inevitable comeback.”
Sam gave him a sweet smile and Topher melted inside.
“Yeah, I like that,” she said. “Our road trip isn’t our final tour, it’s just to tide us over until the next adventure. Thanks again for taking the time to plan it, Topher. It means the world to us.”
“Don’t mention it,” Topher said. “It’ll be a summer to remember.”
“You’ve got that right,” Sam said. “Well, I’m gonna try to rest. Good night, see you tomorrow!”
“Good night, Sam.”
She signed off and the only thing left on Topher’s blank computer screen was his own reflection staring back at him. For the first time, a profound loneliness began to fill the pit of his stomach. Since he was the only one among his friends staying in Downers Grove for college, the upcoming farewell was much more harrowing for Topher. The others got to move on in a way he didn’t—like he was a bird still stuck in the nest.
Staying in Downers Grove hadn’t been Topher’s first choice. He had applied and been accepted to MIT and had been looking forward to attending the prestigious school in the fall. Being in Massachusetts also meant he’d be close to Sam in Rhode Island, which really sweetened the deal. Unfortunately, life had other plans.
There was a soft knock on Topher’s door.
“Come in,” he said.
Topher’s mother, Shelly Collins, stepped inside his bedroom. She was already dressed for her night shift at the hotel she worked at in Chicago.
“Hey,” she said. “Hope I’m not interrupting WizFest.”
“Mom, for the hundredth time, it’s WizCon,” Topher said. “And we just finished.”
“Oh sorry, WizCon,” Shelly said. “Well, I’m headed to work. Billy is already asleep downstairs so you don’t need to worry about putting him to bed.”
Topher’s twelve-year-old brother had cerebral palsy and had been confined to a wheelchair for most his life. Even though he had limited speech and needed assistance eating, bathing, dressing, and using the restroom, disabled and handicapped were words Topher would never use to describe his brother. Billy was the happiest and most loving child Topher had ever met. He laughed and smiled at every opportunity he could, even if there was nothing to laugh or smile about. It was like Billy knew a secret the rest of the world hadn’t figured out yet.
“Cool, I’ll check on him before I go to bed,” Topher said.
“Thank you, sweetheart,” Shelly said, but lingered in the doorway.
“Anything else?” he asked.
There definitely was—Shelly had a look in her eye that told Topher she had something serious she needed to get off her chest. She had a seat on his bed so they could talk.
“I’ve felt so guilty I haven’t had a chance to thank you,” Shelly said. “What you’re doing for your brother—what you’re doing for our family—well, it’s something that should’ve never been asked of you.”
“Mom, you gotta stop feeling bad about it,” Topher said. “If I went away to school, you couldn’t juggle Billy and work all on your own. Dad’s teaching gig in Seattle is only going to last two more years—that gives me plenty of time to get my GE degree here and transfer to someplace fancier when he gets back. It’ll be a lot cheaper for me in the long run, too.”
“Just because it makes sense doesn’t make it right,” Shelly said, and glanced up at his valedictorian medal. “You worked so hard in school so you could go to a good college. I never wanted your brother to set you back in any way, or give you a reason to resent him later.”
Although a good portion of Billy’s care fell on Topher’s shoulders, he never resented his brother. Having a sibling with special needs was exhausting and stressful in ways people could never understand without experiencing it themselves, but the only resentment Topher ever felt was toward the people who pretended to know what it was like—or worse, the people who didn’t even try.
In many ways, Topher had more reasons to be thankful for his brother. Living with someone who had actual struggles and genuine limitations gave Topher a unique perspective on his own life: Topher was an overachiever and a perfectionist because, in his mind, there was no reason he couldn’t be. His daily inconveniences seemed so minor in comparison to his brother’s. And knowing his brother would become his sole responsibility one day when their parents were gone, Topher never gave himself the option of failing.