The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue (Guide #1)(8)
Suddenly, a video message appeared on the screen and almost gave Topher a heart attack. It was his friend Joey Davis, calling from his own bedroom just a few blocks away.
“Hey, man,” Joey said. “Did I scare you?”
Joey was black, super handsome, and unlike Topher, very coordinated. He had been the captain of the Hip-Hop Dance Team since freshman year, the lead in every school play and musical, and had recently been voted prom king. He was well liked by everyone who knew him and he always left the people he encountered with a smile. As far as Topher knew, being a devoted Wizzer was the closest thing Joey had to a flaw.
“Dude, have you seen the girl in the Nordic Queen costume at the convention?” Topher asked him. “Total MILF! I’m sending you the link.”
Topher passed the link along. Joey had a look for himself and let out a loud snort.
“Bro, you might want to read the caption before you rub one out.” He laughed.
Topher quickly read the credits under the photo. “Timothy?” he said in shock. “That’s a man? Oh no, I was re-creating French independent film scenes with him in my mind!!”
“I’m sure Tim would be flattered—obviously he put a lot of effort into that look,” Joey said, and scrolled through the rest of the blog. “Man, what do most of these people do for a living? How can they afford these costumes? I swear the fans have better production values than the actual show.”
“I know, right?” Topher said. “I saw a man dressed as a cyborg with actual plasma screens attached to his body.”
“It makes the android costumes we wore to WizCon 2015 look like crap,” Joey said. “And we spent hours putting those together. I still have scars from the hot-glue gun.”
Another video message appeared on both their computers. This time it was Sam Gibson, calling from her bedroom on the other side of town. Sam was petite, pretty without any makeup, and had very short dark hair. She was still wearing her yellow uniform and hat from her summer job at Yolo FroYo.
“I literally just ran all the way home from work!” Sam panted. “I tried looking at the blogs on my break but I couldn’t get any reception. What have I missed? Have any spoilers for season ten come out?”
“Nothing too crazy yet, just some photos of the costumes and exhibits,” Topher said. “Kylie Trig hasn’t even posted her recap of the panel.”
“She’s been taking her sweet-ass time ever since she hit ten million subscribers,” Sam said. “What time is she supposed to post it?”
“Her tweet said around five o’clock California time and it’s already ten past seven here, so it should be up any minute now,” Joey said.
“Have any videos leaked from the panel yet? There are usually a bunch by now,” Sam asked as she rummaged through the Internet to catch up with the others.
“Just a couple, but everyone is screaming so loud and shaking so much you can’t hear or see anything,” Topher said. “You’d think it was footage from a Bieber concert or a natural disaster.”
“Same difference,” Joey quipped.
Sam shook her hands and shimmied in her seat, experiencing a personal earthquake of her own.
“I can’t wait!” she said. “They better give us some clues about what to expect. I haven’t been able to sleep since the season finale! Why’d they have to end it with Dr. Bumfuzzle trapped in that Reptoidian nest on Kepler-186 and Dr. Peachtree in the courtroom of the Salem Witch Trials? That was some Hollywood sadistic shit!”
A third video message popped up on their screens. Moriko Ishikawa (or “Mo” as they had called her since elementary school) was scowling into her camera with her arms folded. She was usually bursting with bubbly energy, but at the moment Mo was frozen with dissatisfaction.
“Excuse me, but it’s been three days since I posted chapter four of my Wiz Kids fanfiction novel and none of you jerks have commented on it yet,” she said.
Topher, Joey, and Sam looked into their cameras very guiltily. Even though Mo had reminded them twice an hour since it was published, they had all managed to forget.
“Sorry, Mo, I’ve been serving cold, sugary fermented milk to upper-class families all week,” Sam said. “I promise I’ll read it tonight before bed.”
“I’ve been busy with Billy,” Topher said, referring to his younger brother. “I’ll check it out later.”
“And I’m not going anywhere near fanfiction,” Joey said unapologetically. “It terrifies me, especially yours. The last story you wrote scarred me for life. I didn’t know there were so many adjectives to describe Tobey Ramous’s pubes.”
“I never said you had to read it!” Mo said. “Just go on there and leave a comment. The more comments I get, the more Wizzers will be interested. I’m trying to start a following here—throw the Asian girl a bone!”
“Okay, okay, okay.” Joey laughed. “Calm down—I’ll go on right now and make something up. What’s the novel about, anyway?”
Mo tucked her hair behind her ears and sat up in her seat, as if she was describing her work on a morning talk show.
“It’s a story that explores Peachfuzzle’s sexual awakening,” she described. “Written in the style of Nicholas Sparks, the novel opens with Dr. Bumfuzzle and Dr. Peachtree traveling through the Andromeda Galaxy when they suddenly crash on a planet where physical contact is forbidden. At first, they submit to the laws of the alien world with little resistance. However, the longer they’re marooned, the more an undeniable attraction grows between them. Tension rises with every passing hour. An animalistic desire consumes them! Soon the temptation is too much to bear! They must confess their undying love for each other using a language only their bodies can speak!”