The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue (Guide #1)(4)

“Not enough for this conversation,” Cash muttered under his breath.

This got a serious rise out of his coworkers, especially Tobey Ramous, who was so annoyed he threw his phone aside.

“This is going nowhere!” Tobey said. “He doesn’t give a shit about anything we’re telling him. I’m supposed to be back in Los Angeles tonight for a night shoot. How much longer is this going to take?”

Tobey (or Roids McRage, as Cash called him behind his back) was referring to the set of Moth-Man, the multi-million-dollar comic book movie he was starring in. He had bulked up so much for the part, and so quickly, it was a miracle he could tie his own shoes. Moth-Man was an opportunity every actor dreams of and Tobey was using his entire hiatus from Wiz Kids to shoot it. Still, Cash found it very ironic that Tobey spent eighty hours a week dressed as a giant insect yet somehow thought his time was more valuable than anyone else’s.

“Allow me to wrap things up,” Cash said. “I understand my behavior has raised a few eyebrows, but after nine seasons of playing by the rules, always saying and doing the right thing and never rocking the boat, I think I’ve earned the right to have a little fun. Come on, guys, I’ve been doing this show since I was twelve years old. You’re only young once—I just want to be young while I still can.”

If the looks being exchanged were any indication, there wasn’t an ounce of sympathy for him. No one gave a fuck about his desire to be young.

“Unfortunately, your definition of youth is a breach of contract,” one of the male executives said. “You and your representation agreed to the studio’s morality clause when you were hired, and then again during renegotiations in the sixth season. If your behavior doesn’t change, we’ll be forced to take legal action.”

It was a very serious threat, but instead of trembling where he sat, Cash only laughed.

“You can only sue me if I’m still under contract,” he said. “And at the rate I’m going, I doubt you’ll be employing me much longer.”

“So that’s what this is really all about?” Amy said. “You’re trying to get yourself fired? That’s pathetic!”

“Dude, you’re a fucking idiot,” Tobey said. “If you get fired from the show you’ll never work again and the fans will hate you!”

Cash was overwhelmed by the love and support coming from his costars. They were nailing this whole intervention thing. He was totally inspired to change his ways so their lives would be easier.

“Everyone, calm down,” Jim said. “No one is getting fired. We’re here to help Cash, not scold him or accuse him of anything.”

They were obviously on different pages about the matter, because Damien was giving Cash the most scornful look to date. Not once in nine years had he ever turned down an opportunity to scold Cash.

“I feel so sorry for you, Cash,” Damien said. “You’re not mature enough to understand how lucky you are. There are millions of people in this world who would kill to be sitting where you are. Like it or not, you’re the lead actor of a network’s highest-rated show—they’d sue you for everything you’ve got before they’d fire you. So you’re going to fulfill your contractual obligations and you’re going to do it on your best behavior. I’d make peace with that if I were you.”

Cash didn’t know if he should be appalled or applaud him—Damien gave his best performances when he was ticked off. However, his allegations couldn’t be further from the truth. Immaturity and ingratitude were languages Damien spoke, not Cash. The truth was, Cash had made peace with reality—he had made more peace than anyone else in the room could possibly understand.

“There’s more than one way to get out of a contract,” Cash said.

A wide grin spread across his face. No matter how much they tried scaring him, Cash knew he wasn’t returning for the next season of the show. There was something he wasn’t telling them—something he would have loved to confess just to prove them all wrong, but he had to be strategic about it. A better time would present itself.

The stagehand reentered the room very awkwardly, like he was walking in on his elderly parents having sex.

“Excuse me, I don’t mean to interrupt,” he said. “We told the crowd we were starting at two thirty and it’s now two forty-five. Are we close, or should we tell them we’ve pushed it to three?”

“We’ll put a pin in this conversation until we find time to finish it,” Jim said. “We’ve brought our concerns to Cash, now it’s his job to take them to heart. But let me reiterate, no one is getting fired and no one is leaving the show. We’re here to talk about the upcoming season and nothing else. Now, let’s go out and make the fans happy. None of us would have jobs without them.”

No one objected. Everyone was relieved the conversation was finally over, especially Amy and Tobey. The meeting seemed to have taken a toll on them more than it had on Cash. He almost offered them some of the treats in his pocket, but thought it was probably tacky to offer drugs right after an intervention.

Jim and the executives left the greenroom to watch the panel from the audience. The stagehand escorted Damien, Tobey, Amy, and Cash to the stage and had them wait behind the curtain.

“When they call your name, step through the curtain and take your seat at the table,” the stagehand instructed.