The Contradiction of Solitude(26)

I wanted to know where he had gone.

He went in there—the only thing I could see…

“You haven’t asked where we’re going,” Elian commented, turning out of town in favor of a less busy country road.

“Where are we going?” I asked, playing along, enjoying the game. Enjoying him.

I squeezed my hands together between my knees. The biting pain as bones crushed and ground together clearing my head.

So much pain. So much hurt.

I wanted to lash out. I wanted to inflict damage.

I thought about reaching across the dashboard and taking a hold of the steering wheel. I thought about what it would feel like to give it a swift turn, sending the car over the embankment. I imagined Elian’s face smashing into the windshield, crushing his nose.

Blood spattering.

Buzz…

I clenched my hands tighter and tighter together.

Blood.

It was everywhere. I could almost smell it. Taste it. Feel it.

It would be so easy to hurt him. To get the enjoyment I so desperately craved.

Excitement that only came from the blood.

“The road gets pretty uneven up ahead. You might want to hold on.” Elian’s voice was laughing. Happy.

True and sure.

I swallowed thickly, pushing the darkness deep, deep down until I could deal with it.

Later.

I held onto the car door as the car started to bounce and jerk. Rocks flew from under the carriage, sharp pangs on the glass. I couldn’t see much of where we were or where we were heading.

All I could see were trees.

Elian hit an especially large rock, sending me flying upward. I lifted my hand to cover my head, slapping my palm against the ceiling and then falling, rather inelegantly back onto the seat. My skirt riding upward, exposing my legs.

Then I was giggling. Funny little hiccups of laughter falling from my lips.

I was seven years old the last time I laughed like that.

From the gut. Feeling it in my toes.

“Hold your arms out, baby, baby girl.” I immediately held out my arms, flapping them like a bird. He tossed me into the air, and for a second I was flying. Arms out stretched, the air beneath me. My father’s laughing face a blur, but I could hear him.

His laugh was the most beautiful sound…

“I think I broke a rib,” I chuckled, holding my side after bumping into the door with force.

“Sorry, we’re almost there. I need to do something about this road. It’s lethal.”

I didn’t have time to think about what he meant because the car suddenly broke through a clearing and came to a stop just at the edge of a sandy expanse of beach.

I leaned forward, peering out the window, taking it all in.

The glittering water jutted out in front of us and then looped around the giant, rocky cliffs. We were surrounded by trees on all sides, hidden away.

It was wild and untouched except for a small rundown looking house just on the by the water. Sitting in the shadow of a giant rock outcrop. An old wheelbarrow leaned up against a tree. A rough fire pit encircled by large stones was in front of us, an old plastic lawn chair beside it.

“Where are we?” I asked, getting out the car, still amazed by the harsh beauty all around.

Elian came and stood behind me. I felt his chest brush against my back. He leaned forward. I leaned back. We touched.

We stayed.

“Half Moon Quarry. They used to mine for limestone here in the early part of the twentieth century. Then there was a series of fatal accidents. Men drowned. The horses that used to power the equipment fell over dead. The locals started saying it was cursed. They abandoned everything and left.” Elian pointed off into the distance and I could see piles of old metal twisted beneath the trees. “That’s what’s left. And the house. The foreman lived there at the height of the mining. It’s been empty for the last sixty years.”

The quarry was still, not a movement on the water. A rock fell from the cliff above, splashing into the water. The place was quiet. Unnaturally so. I noticed a Dangerous. No Swimming sign just up the beach.

“Don’t tell me people actually swim here.” I nodded toward the posted warning.

“It used to be a popular swimming spot back in the sixties. But after a bunch of kids drowned, going too deep, they started having local police patrol the area to keep people away. There’s a steep drop off only ten feet out into the water. It goes down probably thirty feet. They don’t even allow people to fish here.”

Elian tugged on my hand, snatching my attention. “Come on,” he said softly, as though not wanting to disturb the quiet that had descended between us.

I followed him towards the house. He walked up onto the porch and opened the door. We stepped inside, and I was surprised by how clean and tidy it was. It was filled with new looking furniture. There was even a television sitting on a small table in the corner.

“You live here,” I surmised, closing the door behind me. The air smelled faintly of lemon, as though Elian had employed all manner of cleaning products before bringing me here.

Elian took my purse and dropped it on a small velvet covered chair just inside the entryway.

“I do. It’s mine. I bought it six months ago. You’re the first person I’ve ever brought here.”

I wasn’t shocked by his admission. I had expected it. He was sharing with me something personal. Something secret. As though by compulsion. Around me, I knew that Elian was learning he couldn’t help himself.