The Contradiction of Solitude(21)

We had quite the effect on each other.

“He’s gone,” Elian finished, picking up a menu, although I knew he didn’t need it. He’d order the same thing I did.

We were in tandem. In synch. Symbiotic.

“Elian!” The waitress named Nancy smiled and beamed. She liked him. A lot of people liked him.

But they didn’t know him.

But I would know him. He wanted me to. With every discreet glance and every subtle touch, he pulled me closer.

I drew him in.

We were falling…falling…collapsing into each other.

“Hi Nancy. I’ll have my usual,” he ordered, bestowing a smile to end all smiles. Nancy preened and became a little flustered in the spotlight of his grin.

She began to walk away, not taking my order. “Excuse me, but I’ll have the same,” I said, stopping her with my short tone.

Nancy blinked, as if confused, only just now noticing my presence. Her face soured and her mouth turned down. She didn’t like me. Not many did.

Elian was the chosen exception.

I smiled. A smile to end all smiles. I gave them rarely. But I gave one to Nancy.

The bitch.

“Okay,” Nancy said, turning abruptly.

Elian was looking at me and I knew he was examining me in a way I often examined others. It was strange being on the receiving end of that sort of inspection. I felt exposed.

“I want to go somewhere with you,” Elian said, his eyes never leaving my face.

My empty chest tightened with something that felt like…giddiness?

“Where?” I asked, my voice a breathy whisper.

“Where do you want to go?” he volleyed back.

“Anywhere,” I answered, meaning it.

Elian nodded as though he understood exactly what I was saying.

Anywhere.

Everywhere.

With you.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow night. Seven o’clock. I’ll take you anywhere.”

I smiled. I couldn’t help it.

Some things were as easy as breathing.

But as hard as living.





I lay there still and rigid, wrapped in warm, perfume scented skin. Soft lips pressed to the hollow of my throat. I could hear the steady, unhurried thump of my heart in my ears.

Her frantic, shallow breathing was distracting, and I tried to stay in the moment. But my mind wandered to other things.

“Touch me, Elian,” Margie whispered, her fingers eagerly stroking. My heart and mind were, as always, unaffected. My body however, remembered its function. I wrapped an arm around the naked woman because I knew it’s what she wanted, even if I could never give her what she needed.

I ran my hand between her legs, closing my eyes as she writhed against me, coming on my fingers after only minutes.

“Stay with me tonight,” she rasped, and I kept my eyes closed, not answering her.

She knew better than to ask. I hated her for expecting it. I felt angry. Resentful.

Annoyed.

“Please,” she whined. I wrapped my hand around the delicate wrist connected to a hand trying to hold me close. To trap me. To keep me.

To keep something that will never be hers.

“Stop,” I growled, wrenching her arm away, wanting to be gone.

“Elian,” she breathed, relentless. She wanted…always wanted.

She kissed me again and I felt numb. She took the only thing she could have. My skin. Pliable under needy hands. Impenetrable yet present.

It’s all she would ever have.

I let her pull my arms back around her naked body. Holding but not touching.

I shouldn’t be angry with Margie for being predictable. For being available. I’ve allowed her to get to this point. This place where she thought that I wanted her.

After all, I had gone home with her after work. I had let her touch me. Kiss me. I said nothing as her words had flown free. Love. Promises. Unfortunate declarations.

This wasn’t her fault.

This was my fault.

This was her fault.

Margie didn’t know that the man she’d just f*cked was a lie dressed in falsehoods. She thought I wanted her. She saw my responding cock as a sign that I was devoted. That I was hers.

To her, my dishonesty felt like love.

I continued to lay there, my arms wrapped around her and I waited. That’s all I ever did anymore…waited.

It’s what I was good at.

Margie didn’t ask me to stay again. She gripped me tight, her arms trembling in her desperation to keep me close. I never claimed to be a man that stayed. Margie had always understood that.

Soft kisses on my neck and I continued to lay there. Still. Unmoving.

Coal Black Eyes watched me from the dark. Knowing. Seeing. She was everywhere.

My heart lurched and constricted and the numbness slowly disappeared.

Layna.

Layna.

“Where do you want to go?” I had asked her, feeling that exact moment when my life would change.

“Anywhere,” she said.

Anywhere.

Everywhere.

With you.

I dug my fingers into the flesh underneath me. Not seeing. Not hearing. Not feeling anything but Layna.

“Elian!” Margie gasped, not knowing this wasn’t for her.

I let Margie touch me. I touched her back. I gave. She took. She was in the moment. I was…anywhere.