The Candy House(89)
Joe→Dolly
I can easily take another short leave to care for the twins while you are gone.
Dolly→Joe
Jojo, that is OUT OF THE QUESTION. My part in all of it was deplorable, not to mention that I would have to revisit the boiling oil catastrophe.
Joe→Dolly
Are you not the one who first explained to me that Americans love redemption stories precisely because they are so irrevocably tainted by original sin?
Dolly→Joe
This isn’t a redemption story! It’s a story about how I sank so low that I took a job camouflaging the atrocities of a genocidal dictator!
Joe→Dolly
Are you not the one who told me a good publicist can turn a violent coup into a humanitarian rescue mission?
Dolly→Joe
But I’m not a publicist anymore—I’m a gourmet grocer. My good name is everything to me.
Joe→Dolly
Are you not the one who told me that celebrity is a neutral amplifier—positive, negative, it makes no difference?
Dolly→Joe
Gosh, Jojo, I’m amazed that you’ve memorized so many of my pronouncements. And flattered, I will confess.
Joe→Dolly
I sensed that a day would come when recalling your words would prove essential.
9
Ashleigh Avila→Kitty Jackson
Amazing news, Kit Kat:
I have all of the pieces in place for the documentary, the most important being the cooperation and even—dare I say it?—ENTHUSIASM of the present regime in X. You have many fans in the inner circles of government there. Not only do they love your movies, but they regard you as having been pivotal to General B’s “conversion” (might also be “gelding” or “enlightenment,” depends on the translation). Of course they’re hoping you’ll be willing to share new “intimate” information about General B, now that your legal fetters are gone—the more shocking the better, obviously, not that I would EVER encourage you to exaggerate or lie (perish the thought!), although being dead, the general can’t exactly contradict you and I’ve verified that there is no Mandala Cube in the picture…
Finally, they asked whether you’d be interested in riding some rare stallions from a wild herd that roams their beaches. Short video below; note the naturally curly manes!
Please let me know that I can move forward on this.
XxxxooooAsh
Kitty→Ashleigh
Let me get this straight: I’m being asked to provide salacious details about General B, thus outing myself as a prostitute, in exchange for the chance to ride a curly-maned horse. And the person engineering this is NOT an enemy bent on my destruction, but my trusted helpmate and longtime confidante/publicist whom I PAY to protect my reputation and interests.
Am I missing anything?
Ashleigh→Kitty
Yes, you spoiled bitch, you’re forgetting a couple of things that will accrue to YOU (since no one else really matters) by doing this: 1. Massive exposure as a person willing to do ANYTHING for the sake of democracy—a Citizen Agent before her time, if you will—and a woman so bewitching that she was able to convert/enlighten/geld a mass-murdering despot and thereby transform a volatile region and save the lives of millions.
2. A shot at an exponential rise in cultural status that would place you among the first-namers whose ranks you have zero chance of joining otherwise because a) you’re too old, and b) you were never that good an actress in the first place.
These are the opportunities I’ve created for you. Spurn them if you like, but know what you are giving up, you twat.
Kitty→Ashleigh
You made me cry. I hate you.
Ashleigh→Kitty
Yes or no?
Kitty→Ashleigh
Yes if I can be as far away from you as possible.
Ashleigh→Kitty
That is guaranteed.
Lulu Kisarian→Jazz Attenborough
Dear Mr. A,
Could you please let me know how many people can comfortably ride in your speedboats, so that we can finalize plans for the article/photo shoot with Bosco of the Conduits and Jules Jones, the author of SUICIDE TOUR?
Sincerely, Lulu Kisarian
3rd Assistant to Jazz Attenborough
Jazz →Lulu
Nothing about a speedboat ride is “comfortable” unless you enjoy crashing violently over the tops of waves, as I happen to. The real question is: will these elderly gentlemen be able to handle it? My boats are extremely long, so space will not be an issue.
Lulu→Jazz
Dear Mr. A,
I will warn the elderly gentlemen, but their struggles might make you look more at ease. Appearing to advantage in a watery environment could also be helpful pre-publicity for the Undersea Cave-Warlock role, should you end up taking it.
Sincerely, Lulu Kisarian
3rd Assistant to Jazz Attenborough
Jazz→Lulu
You like me in this role. Why? (five words or less)
Lulu→Jazz
You’ll play the romantic lead.
Jazz→Lulu
How romantic can it be if the MerQueen is not young?
Lulu→Jazz
That depends on the actress. Kitty Jackson is in phenomenal physical shape (prizewinning equestrienne), and I’ve been told that her reputation will soon have a boost.