The Astonishing Color of After(93)

“Three o’clock,” she said. “Okay? Just meet me there. We’ll get maple walnut. Your favorite. And they’ll have their Saturday Sundae samples.”

I didn’t remind her that maple walnut was actually Axel’s favorite. Not mine. “See you then.”

I should’ve known what was going to happen.

I walked to Fudge Shack because I didn’t want to ask anyone for a ride. It was only twenty minutes from my house, and they went by fast enough. I had earbuds plugged into my phone, and twenty minutes was almost exactly how long it took me to listen through all four of Axel’s Lockhart Orchard tracks twice.

Inside, it was packed. I remembered why I hated going there on weekends. The Saturday Sundae samples were overhyped, but everyone went for them. It was the only place in town that offered samples in actual miniature cones. Plus they had good seating options. On a normal day, at least. Today every table was full.

I did a circuit to see if Caro was already sitting somewhere and ended up finding Axel. He leaned over one of the window tables with an empty chair across from him. He had a weird look on his face and was staring intensely at his slice of maple walnut. I was pretty sure he’d seen me.

“Hey,” I said, walking over.

“Hi.”

“What are you doing here?” I said. If there was one person who hated weekends at Fudge Shack more than I did, it was Axel. I caught myself looking around for Leanne.

“Um, waiting for Caro,” he said.

“Oh.” At first I thought I heard him say “Leanne” because that seemed the most logical to me. And then my brain replayed the words and I heard it clearly. “Oh.”

“Let me guess,” he said, and it must’ve dawned on him, too.

I checked the time. “Yup. It’s three oh six.”

Caro was never late. She’d set us up.

I wanted to kill her. I wanted to hug her. I was going to maybe do both.

I sighed. “Uh, do you want to go outside? It’s a little loud in here.”

“Sure.” Axel pushed back his chair. Five years of best-friendship, I thought to myself. How had things gotten so ruined?

Or maybe they weren’t ruined. I prayed he was going to actually talk to me.

We pressed our way through the throng—“What’s up, Moreno?” and “Hey, man,” some of the guys from school called out, Axel waving back at them—until we had made our way through the heavy door and out onto the sidewalk. I sipped in the spring air.

The sun was tucked behind some clouds and a crisp breeze was kicking up. Tall bushes rustled behind us, shaking out rain-like noises. I crossed my arms against the chill and tried to find a place for my eyes—the parking lot, the grass, my shoes—anywhere that wasn’t Axel’s face. Caro’s words echoed around me. Axel and Leanne got back together.

“Want some?” He held out the fudge, a pale rectangle on a slip of white wax paper.

I shook my head. “No thanks. I just want to talk.”

“Okay,” he said. He wrapped the paper around the fudge, and when he stopped fidgeting, he turned his gaze up expectantly.

I opened my mouth and closed it again. I sucked in a deep breath.

“It’s just,” I started at the same time that Axel went, “Listen—”

“Go ahead,” I said quickly. I wondered if he was going to bring her up.

He kicked at a pebble on the sidewalk. “I feel like things have just been really weird. Like, we haven’t been the same.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. A new breeze swelled up, and I tried to ignore the way it played across his dark hair.

“Can we, like, try to reset?” he said.

I nodded. “Absolutely.”

“I’m not sure it’s possible to totally go back to normal. Or at least, normal as defined by how we used to be. I don’t know.”

I nodded less fervently, pretending there was something I understood in that sentence. Was it because of Leanne? Was she the reason why we couldn’t go back to normal?

“But I’ve really missed you. You—you’re my best friend.”

The words stung a little. I breathed them in and swallowed them down.

“I’ve missed you, too,” I said softly.

“Well,” he said. “I was starting to worry.”

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help smiling a little.

“And I’ve really missed your mom’s chive dumplings.”

“I knew it,” I said. “You’ve been using me this whole time just to get dumplings.”

“And waffles,” he added. “I was a good guy once. The waffles were my downfall.”

My smile faded a little. It was just a few hours ago that I’d been in our kitchen making waffles by myself, even though it was the wrong day for them. When I went upstairs into the master bedroom to try to nudge my mother awake, she only knotted herself tighter in the sheets. I ended up sitting there at the kitchen counter, eating cold waffles with sour berries and missing Axel while Meimei slinked between my legs, winding back and forth, back and forth.

“Well.” Axel cleared his throat. “Sorry, but I actually have to go. I told Caro I couldn’t stay long—”

“Oh.” I tried not to look disappointed. I barely managed to stop myself from asking if it was because he had to go meet Leanne.