The Astonishing Color of After(88)

I stood in front of the full-length mirror as I blow-dried my hair, trying to get it to fall straighter.

What had Axel meant by asking me to go with him? Were we just going as friends, or was this something more?

He was weirdly quiet when he picked me up, and he stayed that way even as we got to school. He didn’t say anything about my dress, or the lip gloss I’d taken from my mother’s drawer. I wondered if he hated it all.

I studied him out of the corner of my eye. Over his black button-down, he had on a dark vest with subtle gray stripes, and a silvery bow tie. He’d used some kind of product in his hair.

The lights of the gym were dimmed, and someone had strung white lights up in the creases of the ceiling. We found Caro immediately—she stood out in her tuxedo dress.

“You look amazing, Leigh,” she said.

“You really do,” Cheslin agreed. She was still a bit shy around us, but she smiled sweetly at me, her fingers tugging at the skirt of her vintage lace dress. “You should keep that. It’s an amazing color on you.”

“Really?” I said.

“Definitely. It even goes with that color in your hair.”

“Wait a sec—did you two come together?” Caro’s gaze bounced back and forth between me and Axel.

My face went hot.

“I’m gonna go get a soda,” said Axel. “You want anything?” I barely had time to shake my head before he vanished into the crowd.

“Did you?” Caro pressed.

“I’m not sure it’s what you think it is,” I said, my stomach starting to twist. I didn’t really want to talk about this. At least not here, with a couple hundred other people around us.

But then the DJ put on a crowd favorite, some song that I barely recognized, and Cheslin grabbed at Caro’s arm to go dance.

Axel came and found me again. There was no soda in his hand, but I didn’t say anything about it. We leaned against a wall and talked for a long while about silly things in an awkward, stilted way. My fingers were itching for my sketchbook. Why hadn’t we thought to bring a couple pads and pencils?

When Axel excused himself to go to the bathroom, I went and found myself a chair so I could sit.

Why were we here at all?

I thought of my mother alone in the house, eating cold leftovers by herself in the kitchen. Or worse, not eating at all, but back in bed and wrapped up in a million blankets.

I thought of the new pieces of art I’d started that I hoped might come out good enough for Nagori to finally say I was finished with my portfolio.

It occurred to me after a while that Axel had to be done in the bathroom and was maybe having trouble finding me again. I checked my phone, but there were no texts, and I couldn’t be sure if it was the reception crapping out. Just as I left the gym and started toward the main foyer, where I could get a better signal, I heard a voice I recognized. It sounded almost hysterical.

“I can’t believe you came with her. I thought you said there wasn’t anything between you two.”

I couldn’t help myself. I tipped my head just enough to look around the corner. It was Leanne Ryan.

And she was talking to Axel.

“There really isn’t,” he said. He sounded absolutely certain.

As quickly as possible, I made my way back to the gym. Everyone was dancing in a long train at that point, and I couldn’t stand to be there any longer. I pushed out through the back door into the biting February cold and rounded the edge of the wall in search of privacy.

“Oh, hey, Leigh.”

My eyes were stinging and everything felt greenish brown, muddy and cold, and the last thing I wanted was to interact with another human. I squinted to see who was standing beneath the outdoor lamp. It was a guy from Nagori’s art class last year. A senior. It took me a second to remember his name: Weston.

“Hey,” I said.

“It’s pretty ridiculous in there, huh?” he said.

I was trying really hard not to shiver. “Yup.”

“Hey,” he said, “are you cold?” Before I could answer, he took off his jacket and slung it over my shoulders.

“Uh, thanks.”

He leaned close to me to reach into a jacket pocket and pull out a steel flask. “You can’t have this, though,” he said, chuckling. He unscrewed the top and took a swig.

The flask made me nervous, but I tried to smile the feeling away.

“Just kidding,” he said. “You can have some if you want.”

“No thanks, I’m good,” I said.

“You’re good?” he said.

“Yeah.”

“Nah,” said Weston very quietly. “You’re beautiful.”

It was the two words I’d been hoping Axel might say when I ducked into his car. Or when we walked through the parking lot toward the gym. Or just at some point tonight. It was strange, now, to hear it from someone else.

“Thanks.” I looked down.

The cold was cutting through the jacket and I was starting to shiver again. Weston pressed close and started rubbing his palms up and down my arms.

“You ever been kissed?” he said.

The question caught me totally off guard. I should’ve left then, but he held a strange fascination for me. He was so forward, in a way that Axel never was.

And I was terribly curious what kissing was actually like.