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John met me halfway and looked up at the sky. “I think it might rain.” Then he leaned down and kissed me full on the lips in front of everyone exiting the parking lot. I let him, which should have told me something about how happy I was and how ridiculously not careful I was being.
“Let’s go.” I impetuously decided to leave my car in the lot, and we walked across the bridge over the river to Zilker Park, where the music festival was kicking off. Some of the best bands from all over the world were playing at the festival. Every time ACL came around, I felt a shift in the air as the city was taken over by the throngs of visitors. If I ever got near the park over the course of the weekend, I always felt a pang that I was missing out on living, somehow. But then I would take one look at the crowds and turn away, relieved I wasn’t among them.
John held my hand until he couldn’t anymore, and we showed our wristbands at one of the gates and went through. Alex and August were with us, a group of their other friends loosely walking in front and behind us. There was a playing-hooky feel in the air.
I passed through the barricades and came out onto the enormous green field, downtown Austin in the background, massive stages and smaller stages at different points. It was early enough that the field wasn’t covered with people yet, but I’d never been in a crowd like this.
I waited for the usual aversion and fear, but no eyes were on me here. There were so many people, it was the perfect place to blend in. I realized I was free. A stolen afternoon with the hottest boyfriend…Jesus. I did not feel like myself. I felt one hundred times better.
We stayed with just Alex and August, quickly losing everyone else from school, which made me feel even more comfortable. Hours blended into one another as we moved from stage to stage. With the music reverberating through me, I felt like I was in a dream state. It began to rain, and there was nothing to do but surrender and get wet.
Before I was ready, one of the headlining bands began to perform, the last act of the night. By now it was completely body-to-body. It didn’t matter. My ability to selectively tune out what I wanted must have kicked into gear, and that’s what made the music and my time with John better—more focused and intense. I was fully aware this moment in time would never be repeated.
The field had been trampled and become muddy. People streamed out of the park, ready to come back tomorrow. But this was it for me. John had a tournament, and I would sit home and pretend I didn’t have a secret life even while I dreamt about it.
The crowd was moving slowly, so slowly that John leaned down to kiss me. I turned fully and pressed up against him, our wet bodies plastered together. Reluctantly we stopped kissing, and I took a step just a few inches back and faced the exit again, reaching for John’s hand. Turning my head casually, I caught someone’s eye. It took me a second to register who I was looking at.
Angus.
My brain went up in flames.
Angus was staring at me with an expression on his face I’d never seen before. I dropped John’s hand and moved away from him, letting people move between us. The other Lost Kids minus Roger and Ellis came into focus, but none of them had seen me yet. Angus was back with them, post–Liv breakup. And he looked like himself again—no more cleaned-up version.
Oh shit. What were they doing? They weren’t supposed to be together in a group like this. It didn’t look like Angus could resist breaking the rules. He was back out in the world, craving action.
Angus wouldn’t look away from me. I had no choice but to meet his eyes and edge closer to him, pretending I wasn’t scared by how he was looking at me—like he now had a different opinion of me. I had something on the Lost Kids, discovering them disobeying Novak like this, but it didn’t compare with what I was doing. How in the world could I have been so stupid?
“Julia,” Paul said, surprised. The four Lost Kids paused, waiting to see how Angus handled me. They were wondering if they still needed to be angry with me. What was the point? They were back to doing what they wanted to do. None of them besides Angus had seen me all over John.
“Hi,” I heard myself shout, doing my best to pretend Angus hadn’t seen what he’d seen. The jostle and the murmur of the crowd made it hard to have a conversation. “What are you doing here?”
Why wasn’t Angus saying anything? I could feel John watching me, and I prayed he’d stay back in the crowd. Of course the boys would recognize John from Barton Springs. The crowd started to move again. More people filled in the space between the Lost Kids and me.
It wasn’t like Angus to be quiet, and it was scaring me even more than if he acted like he was having a field day with my dirty secret. Did he not hear my question? After a long moment he spoke. “Same thing you’re doing. Not following the dictator’s orders.” Angus looked over my shoulder. Shit.
John was next to me and then in front of me, aggressively moving face-to-face with Angus.
“I know you,” Angus said to him.
“I know you,” John said right back. “You’re the asshole who lied to the police about me. Thanks. I appreciated that.”
“You’re more than welcome.” What the hell? They stood looking at each other, and while I knew they weren’t going to fight, something was going on. The other Lost Kids watched this outsider, taller by a few inches, stand up to Angus. They simultaneously moved in closer.
And then the craziest thing happened. Angus turned away first. “Bye, Julia,” he said. He raised his eyebrows at me. “Have fun.”