Select (Select #1)(44)

Something broke inside me. It was one thing to be excluded by the people who had been my best friends. I’d grown accustomed to that these past several weeks. It was another thing for them to be right outside my window. Had they given me a second thought? No, they didn’t seem to care. They were here for my sister.

I had to get out of here. Even I had a threshold.

Since no one was going to see me tonight, I didn’t bother to change. I had on what I’d worn in my room today—not clothes for being in public. I bent to grab a pair of flip-flops in one hand and softly left my bedroom, clicking the door shut behind me.

At the far end of the long hallway, Liv kneeled on a window seat, calling out the open window to the pool below, her back to me. There was quite a bit of distance between us, but I honed in on what was different: through her sheer white shirt I could see the outline of a large tattoo on her right shoulder blade.

“I’m coming!”

The Lost Kids must have snuck into the backyard and jumped in the pool. Victoria and Novak had to be out of town and no one had bothered to tell me.

Of course Liv felt my presence, but she didn’t turn around. Both of us chose to pretend the other person wasn’t there.

As quietly as possible I wound down the back staircase.

I drew to a stop on the last step. Angus. He was in the next room. I had assumed he was in the pool.

When I entered the kitchen, he stood alone, almost like he was waiting for me. We were both silent, eyeing each other for a moment. I was wary, but I realized how much I had missed him. I’m sure I was wrong, but it seemed like he was feeling the same thing—that I was a sight for sore eyes. I had never gone this long without seeing him.

He was standing at the counter, looking bored, picking up forks from a stack he’d made. Without looking up, he imperceptibly flicked his wrist, piercing the ceiling with each one, waiting for a reaction from me. He’d made them spell out hi.

“Victoria’s going to love that,” I said. Asshole. Do that in your own house.

“You look different,” he said. He pushed off the counter and sauntered over to me. He lifted a hand to touch my hair but then thought better of it.

I cleared my throat. “I look different?”

“Your hair is longer, and what’s up with the freckles? You don’t look as much like us as you used to.”

I’d noticed the same thing, and it really bothered me. It was as if my physical appearance was affected by my proximity, or lack thereof, to my family. I’d been hoping no one else would notice, and I’d go back to normal as soon as I was with them again.

“You’ve gained weight.”

“Great. Thanks, Angus.”

“No, you look good.”

I was unsure of what to say. I hadn’t seen him since that day on the cliffs. I was surprised I didn’t feel the same attraction I used to. Now it was more that I wanted to talk to him. Badly. I knew that if I stayed, I’d make an ass of myself to my sister’s new boyfriend. I had to remember the last words he’d said to me at the cliffs and how much they hurt. I couldn’t fall back on him. He’d made that clear.

“Hey,” he said, conspiratorially, “I found out what’s going to be different about this Relocation.” He leaned in to share a secret, like the old days. When I remained stone-faced, he continued anyway. “This is the last place we’ll be going. No more moving around.”

“That’s impossible. People get suspicious, and then we move,” I said.

“I know, I know, we can only stay in one place for so long. I’m just telling you what I heard. My source is pretty good.” My sister.

“And you want to hear the latest thing that’s helping fund it? It’s genius. Novak bought a nearby utility and sold water to a city that was getting sick from their own tainted supply. For some ridiculous profit. What a hero.” Angus laughed. “Suckers!”

I knew Novak had been pumping vast quantities of groundwater from the aquifer located beneath land we owned in West Texas. Our whole group, me included, had laughed that Texas’s most precious natural resource was available to whoever pumped first and fastest, waiting to profit off the inevitable shortages. Somehow now it all seemed despicable.

“Where are you going?”

“On a drive.” I didn’t bother saying good-bye. I was so angry at him for suddenly acting like it was the old days, expecting me to play along after he had humiliated me.

Alone in the dark car, it all came up. Six weeks’ worth of hell.

My sister wouldn’t even acknowledge my presence now? What reason did she have to ignore me? She’d taken my almostboyfriend and my group of friends on top of everything else I’d handed over. Was it because she felt guilty? Or maybe the new Liv was so self-centered, she wasn’t thinking about me at all.

But I felt sick knowing that what was bothering me more than my sister or Angus was John. I had lost my mind. I kept coming back to thoughts of him. And now, in the safety of the car, I was crying over him. I was such an idiot and so weak. I finally indulged in images of John. When he asked me to hang out with him, he’d had his hands behind his back, which meant he’d been really nervous. And then I thought about how it had felt when he kissed me and how I’d backed away when he tried to kiss me again.

I drove the winding roads of Scenic too fast. I hit Lake Austin Boulevard, driving farther away from the neighborhood. At the last possible second, I swerved into the right lane and got on the freeway. A short stretch took me over the lake, and I exited almost immediately, curving around Zilker Park. I drove the flat, fluorescent-lit streets, pretending to myself that I didn’t know exactly where I was going.