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He knew who we were. He’d heard about us before. He’d picked up on my calling him an outsider. He also thought we were elitists, and he was offended that I thought he was a loser waiting for his girlfriend to call. He’d only wanted to get away from his life for a few hours, and he disliked the keyed-up atmosphere we brought with us.
And he thought I was so incredibly beautiful.
I could only describe it as recognition. I knew him even though I didn’t know who he was. And he felt it too. It was the oddest, most right moment of my life.
Liv broke the moment. “Here comes Angus.” And then the feeling was gone. I turned my back on whatever was happening, hoping my expression conveyed that he was no longer worth my time. I wanted no part of it. It was the last thing I needed right now.
After I turned around I waited for the flash of excitement I felt whenever I saw Angus. That ridiculous longing and unrequited crush was something I could grab on to.
Angus strutted up to us, all cocky half grin and knowing blue eyes. A sheen of sweat was on his hairless, tan chest, tattoos covering almost every available inch. I tried to see him through Liv’s eyes and couldn’t tell if she would be repulsed, or attracted the way I was. But when I saw them look at each other, they suddenly made perfect sense to me. I knew they would end up together. I felt a beat behind, like I’d shown up too late to the party to put a stop to what was happening in front of my face.
“Livvy Jaynes, you slummin’ today?”
“Apparently.” A huge smile played on Liv’s face. God, she could light up.
“What took you so long?”
“I wasn’t sure I could make it.”
I rolled my eyes at that one.
They eyed each other intently for a moment. I was surprised to know Angus was slightly nervous, which was not something I’d ever seen.
“I’m sitting down. Sorry, assholes.” Angus pointed his chin in the direction of George and friends, who were staring down hard at Liv from their position.
Angus sprawled next to me on the blanket, putting me between them. Then he proceeded to plaster himself against my side as he leaned across me to talk to Liv. I inched away and wondered if he cared. Angus was always overfamiliar—touching me all summer by leaning against me, holding my hand. I had thought it was because he liked me. Now I felt sadness, disgust, and an Of course feeling all wrapped together. I felt another surge of unrecognizable and totally unacceptable anger. She could have everything. I’d given her everything. Why this…?
What a total d-bag.
I looked up to see who had called Angus a douchebag and was about to get the shit kicked out of them. It hadn’t been said in a joking way by one of the Lost Kids. It had been said in the most derogatory tone you could imagine. But there wasn’t anyone near us, except for the person behind us. Then I realized Liv and Angus had had no visible reaction. Liv sifted her hand back and forth through the grass while Angus tried to make her laugh. They hadn’t heard.
I whipped around.
It had been his voice. But he was looking off into the distance, pretending to study the people swimming down below. It sounded like he had said it to himself, in his head. I stumbled on that thought for a moment before deciding he must have murmured it and I was the only one listening. It actually kind of cracked me up that he had such disdain for Angus, who was starring in the worst love triangle anyone had ever seen. A one-sided love triangle, I guess. And then I felt uncomfortable that this stranger was seeing this.
“I had your sister out late last night,” Angus was saying to Liv.
“I know. What were you doing?”
Angus looked off into the distance at his friends, who were not-so-discreetly watching him in amazement. He was talking to Liv. It was a big deal. He was going to catch a lot of shit from them.
Angus turned back from the Lost Kids and looked at Liv, deliberately not answering her question. I wanted to say, Angus and I were out and he begged me to teach him more of the tricks I know. In fact, he had a knife through his hand at one point in the night, and then he hung himself from a tree, to see how long he could last, until I threatened to leave.
I tried to tell myself that if I hadn’t shown Angus my “tricks,” these guys would be deep into mind-numbing drugs. That’s where they’d been heading before this near-death crap. I completely understood they needed a release of some sort. These small tricks kept me sane so I could quash my instincts for the rest of the day. But if our families found out…I absentmindedly watched the sparkling water below. Of all the eyes on us, I was most conscious of the gaze coming from directly behind me. I tried again to block him out.
“I’m going for a swim.” Liv stood up suddenly and with two hands grasped the bottom of her short white dress and whipped it over her head. It was like all of Barton Springs turned to her in unison.
Liv clearly expected Angus to join her. But to my surprise and Liv’s, he didn’t move an inch.
“Enjoy.” He gave her a Cheshire grin. Liv pretended she didn’t care that he wasn’t following her like a puppy, and she walked lightly down the hill, resplendent in a white bikini setting off the glow of her tan skin.
Angus openly watched. I couldn’t believe it didn’t make Liv want to bolt, but she carried herself like she was impervious to scrutiny. I had to resist the urge to look over my shoulder to see if he was looking at her too.