Secret Lucidity(56)
I gather the hem of his shirt in my hands and peel it off him, exposing the carved muscle along his stomach and broad shoulders. He leans forward and lays me down on my back. His mouth drops over my nipple, his tongue lapping over it while he sucks gently on me.
I open my legs, needy for his touch, and when he settles himself between my thighs, he’s already hard. Pushing against him, I sway my hips up while his fingers work quickly at the waist of my pants. He pulls them, along with my panties, down my legs and then cups me in his hand.
Staring down at me, he takes a finger and drags my arousal for him over my most delicate parts. But it isn’t enough as I reach down between our bodies to unzip his pants and take him in my hand. He so hot to the touch, soft and hard all at the same time, and I wrap my fingers around him. I stroke him the way he likes as he slips a finger inside of me.
My head rolls back, and he kisses my neck while we continue to pleasure each other. We take our time, in no rush for this to end any time soon.
“God, you’re so warm,” he breathes into my skin,
I love how he talks to me when we’re together like this, making me feel like a woman.
He drags his finger out, sliding it through my folds before pushing back inside me. “Yes,” I moan, and he does it again and again until I can’t remain still, and I start to move my hips in sync with his hand. Everything melts and blurs with the attention he’s giving me, that I don’t even notice when he slips the condom on.
With him up on his knees between my legs, he pushes my thighs open as he sinks himself inside me. My hands grip his arms as he goes deep, and he moans, “Fuck, I love how your tiny body feels wrapped around me.”
He takes his time, sliding out, inch by inch, a pleasure so intense it borders on torture. I lift my head and look down between us, watching as he pumps slowly in and out of me. It’s a sight so erotic that it ignites a rush of warmth through my core.
David groans in delight, and when I look up at him, he smiles, “You like watching me inside of you?”
I blush. “Yes.”
“Open wider.” He slips his thumb in his mouth and then drops it to my clit. My hips buck when he starts rubbing me in soft circles. He sits between my legs as he continues to make love to me and touch me so tenderly. “Do you like this?”
Unable to speak as he drives me higher, I nod. He slips his other hand through mine, holding it securely in his, whispering I love yous as my body falters. He keeps his thumb moving, and as time fades between us, electricity ignites beneath skin and bone, and I’m thrown off kilter. The moment my hand trembles in his, he lays his body on top of mine while he continues to rub my clit.
“I want to make you come, babe. I want you to feel how good it can be.”
I close my eyes and pleasure builds. Patiently, he takes his time, never letting up as he circles his thumb over and over and over again. My knees clench and quiver against his hips. Heat starts to build low in my belly, a new, delightfully exquisite tightness that I want to grab on to and run from at the same time with the way he’s making my body feel for the very first time.
When all sensations peak, and the air becomes too thick to breathe, my back arches off the bed in utter abandon. I throw my head up into the crook of his neck, releasing a loud whimper when I lose control over my body. A sizzle of pure euphoria rips through my softest parts, firing through my system, sending me to a place I’ve never been before. A place I’m not sure I ever want to come back from.
Locking my body to his, I feel him swell and throb inside me. He moans as he loses himself with me, thrusting deeply as my muscles pulse around him, and for the first time, I’m finally able to reach this level of intimacy with him. Sparks of light flash from above, falling in glittering shimmers over us, burning our souls as we cling desperately to each other. My body has never ached so beautifully, and I know without a doubt that I want nothing else in this world except to belong wholly to him.
“Don’t ever leave me.”
“I’ll never,” he promises.
“I WANT EIGHT ONE HUNDRED frees on the one twenty. Fast breakouts, and keep those legs up,” David calls out from the pool deck.
I quickly pass Taylor, who’s swimming in the lane next to mine. My times are back down, and I couldn’t be happier. And although my shoulder still pains me every now and then, it’s nothing I can’t power through.
David has been pushing me a bit harder lately, which is causing more swelling, but again, I’m determined to make the most of these last few meets we have coming up. I’d hate for all this work—all this struggle—to go to waste. I’ve pushed myself too hard to allow this final season to slip past me.
After practice, I hit the showers. I close the vinyl curtain behind me before I slip off my towel, always careful to keep my scars concealed. Even though I do what I can to hide them from David, I’m still surprised he hasn’t noticed how many more I’ve added since I made him the promise to stop.
It was just this morning when I last cut. I woke up with a tear-stained face and a misery so tender I was scared to touch it, so instead, I sliced myself open and watched as it drained out of me. The relief was sensational. I cut deeper than all the ones before, gifting myself even greater satisfaction. It bled for a long time after I bandaged it, and now, after being in the water, the soggy scab falls off.
The shower spray takes a stream of blood down the drain as I clean myself and wash my hair. I stand under the water a little while longer and stare at the opening. Watching it grants me even more lightening. It’s just a hint of what I feel when I actually cut, but I’ll take any easement I can.