Reckless Abandon(88)
Luckily, the man also sold small tabletop trees for people who live like we do. It is so small, Alexander was able to carry it home in one hand. We stopped at the pharmacy and picked up a small package of lights and some ornaments. When we got home, we had our tree up and decorated in fifteen minutes.
It’s not much of a Christmas gift but seeing the look on Alexander’s face makes it worth it. The man could have a sixteen-foot tree in his uptown apartment but here he is with a look of complete satisfaction looking at his tabletop tree.
He is also wearing a look of satisfaction because we are currently lying naked on the chesterfield eating Thai food.
“Naked Thai is now my favorite takeout of all time,” he says, using his chopsticks to pop in a bite of pad thai.
I laugh and my back vibrates against the arm of the chair. We are each on an opposite end of the couch, our toes resting near the other’s side, a blanket thrown over us. The room is completely dark except for the twinkling lights on the tree. “It looks like Charlie Brown’s Christmas Tree.”
“It’s perfect,” he says and offers me a bite of his food. I lean forward and take a bite.
I settle back in my spot and find peace with the moment. Now if only he would say those three little words, life would be better. Is that weird? A twenty-five-year-old woman needing to hear the words “I love you” in order to feel validation. It’s not enough he is here every night and has declared himself “all in” numerous times. There is something about hearing the words that brings a form of security.
It’s only been three weeks.
Yes, but its also been five months.
My head is always a freakin’ mess when it comes to him.
Alexander raises his toe and nudges my side to get my attention. “Earth to Emma.”
“Sorry. Just daydreaming,” I say, and Alexander looks back at me with a smirk as if asking “About me?”
“Always about you,” I add.
He laughs and takes a final bite of his food before putting the carton down on the coffee table. “May I ask you a question?”
“Anything.”
“Why won’t you ask your sister if I can go to the wedding?”
Ugh, anything but that. I squeeze my palm and think of the million reasons why I have been putting off asking Leah if I can bring him to the wedding. I want him to meet my family but I’m not ready for their opinions and glares. Going home is going to be hard enough. I don’t need Alexander witnessing the uncomfortableness that is me being in the same house as my parents. Even still, the real reason, the only reason that matters is, simply, Leah.
“It’s her big day and you are not on her list of favorite people. This is the one time in her life that is all about her and I’m not going to ruin it by making it about me. I’ve done enough of that this year. Hell, she postponed her first wedding date because I was too mentally unstable. I’m not doing that to her again.”
“You’re a grown woman, you should be able to bring a date to your sister’s wedding.”
I let out an unattractive huff. “You’re not just anyone. You’re the yacht sex guy who deserted me in a foreign country without saying good-bye.”
“Yacht sex guy?” Alexander asks with a puzzled look. He would have no idea if that term is a compliment or a criticism. I never told him how we saw him having sex with another woman the day before we met him. It’s actually something I’ve been avoiding.
“It’s not a good thing. I have something I need to ask you and I want you to be honest.”
Alexander crosses his arms over his broad bronzed skin, ready for the question.
“The day before I met you, Leah and I saw you with a woman on your boat. We didn’t know it was you at the time. Leah had these, crazy binoculars and . . . anyway, that doesn’t matter. She recognized you when she met you. Not as Alexander Asher but as the guy on the boat.
“When she found out you were lying to me about who you were, she painted this picture of you in her head as this awful person. A womanizer. Later I did too. She said she’s seen you in articles since with other women and, well, she just doesn’t like you.” When the last words are out of my mouth, my shoulders are so tense they’ve risen up to my chin. We’ve come so far, I don’t want to rehash the past and make him feel awful but he deserves to know why Leah doesn’t want him in Cedar Ridge this weekend.
Alexander’s mouth is set in a grim line yet he’s looking straight at me, piercing me with a look of sheer determination. “She’s right. I was a womanizer. Was being the operative word. I used women and they used me right back.”
I let down my shoulders. You have to give credit to a man who can admit his mistakes. “Malory was the woman I saw you with on the boat, wasn’t she?”
Alexander lowers his head and grunts. “Yes.” He looks back up and his pupils dilate. I know it’s because he can see mine are wide as well. “Emma.” His voice is thick and desperate with meaning. “I haven’t been with anyone since I met you. Even when we were apart.”
I open my mouth to say something but he cuts me off.
“Going to a party and being photographed with someone doesn’t mean we were together. You ruined me in Italy. I haven’t been able to think of anyone else. I was just too stubborn to go after you. Then fate brought you to me, and that’s when I knew for sure. Anything that happened before us is obsolete. I need you to believe me.”