Rapid Falls(38)

“I wasn’t there. And he was a police officer,” I say firmly, trying to steer the conversation back to safe ground. My heart is beating so quickly that I feel sick.

“No. He. Looked. Like. Jesse.” She sounds robotic, like the memory has drained her emotion. Then her face contorts as she begins to shout. “He looked like Jesse!”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see movement. A large man in a button-down shirt is coming out of the medical station. My knees wobble in relief.

“You’re the sister?” he says. His voice is a less static-filled version of the one I heard on the intercom. “I’m the clinical psychiatrist on the ward. Anna needs to rest now.” He turns his attention to my sister. “Anna, it’s time for your medication. I need you to take deep breaths.”

Anna continues to look frantically toward me. “How was Jesse there, Cara?” Panic rises up in me. This is the worst I’ve ever seen her.

“I don’t know,” I say helplessly.

The doctor nods to me coldly. “Why don’t you come back tomorrow? This is generally why we don’t encourage relatives to visit in the first few days.”

Usually I would be affronted by his terseness, but I am grateful for the excuse to leave. I protest slightly to show him that I am a good sister. “I can stay.”

“She needs to rest.” The doctor eyes me sternly.

“Okay, Anna. Your doctor says I have to go. I’ll be back tomorrow.” Already I’m dreading it.

“Wait!” Anna says loudly. “Can you check on my cat? Please.”

I nod. “Okay. I’ll stop by.” I walk down the corridor with legs that feel hard to bend. My lungs are tight, as if I’m about to be trapped in the whiteness forever.

“Wait,” I hear the doctor call behind me. I fight a nearly overwhelming sense of panic at what he might ask. I have to force myself not to bolt for the door.

“What is it?” I say. My fear makes my voice sharp, almost rude. I try to change my tone. “How long will she be here? It’s hard to see her like this.”

“I know. But she’s where she needs to be. I’ve done only an initial evaluation, but I suspect Anna’s real issues go far beyond substance use.”

I nod carefully, trying to remain composed.

“Listen, my name is Dr. Johal. I’ll be Anna’s primary care physician for the next few days if you can think of anything that might be relevant to her treatment.”

“Few days? How long will she be here?”

Dr. Johal hesitates. “It’s hard to say at this point, but my thought at this time is that she’ll need at least two days to detox. We’ll try to get her regulated on her meds. I don’t know what kind of charges may be laid. That will directly affect her next steps. But from a medical perspective, I’d like to see her released into some type of rehab program. Do you know if she has the ability to cover that? Is she insured?”

I smile tightly. “It can be taken care of. We have the means.” I make a point of looking at my Rolex as I speak.

“I see. That’s good to hear.” He looks at me closely. “Anna’s not been very forthcoming. I’m wondering if there’s any information you can give me about her past that might help. Maybe a childhood trauma?”

The lights buzz above me. It sounds like the ticking of a timer. My vision focuses to a pinpoint as my eyes lock on his. “Anna has been through a lot. There was . . . an accident when she was a teenager. A boy was killed. Anna was found at fault.”

The doctor nods as if I have confirmed his suspicions. “Does she blame herself?”

“Dr. Johal, I’m not really comfortable with this conversation. I think you need to hear this from my sister.”

“Of course, of course. This is entirely in confidence.” He looks at me closely. The fluorescent lights bore into my ears again. “Is there anything else you do feel comfortable telling me? Anything else that might help?”

I shake my head. “No.” At this point, there’s nothing I can say that would help Anna. It could only hurt.





CHAPTER FOURTEEN

July 1997

My mom was in the kitchen preparing dinner when I walked in. The force with which she was handling the vegetables was not a good sign. My parents had been fighting a lot since Jesse’s funeral. I hadn’t heard them speak to each other this much in years. Usually my mom spent most of her time in her room, reading art books, and my dad worked long hours at the shop, but he had been home more lately. Business had slowed down a lot since Jesse died.

“Hi, Mom,” I said.

“Hi,” she replied. When she looked up, I saw in her eyes that she wasn’t angry—she was sad. Devastated. I felt a cramp of fear in my stomach.

“What’s going on?” I said.

She nearly knocked over her glass of wine as she stepped around the corner of the counter. I was relieved to see she had been drinking. It meant she was far less likely to notice I had been as well. The wine coolers that Wade had given me earlier were making my head tingle.

“Anna is going to be arrested tomorrow.” Her voice cracked.

I waited, staring at the heap of jumbled items on the countertop: old mail, a fruit bowl with one brown banana, Anna’s keys. I wondered if she was sitting in a jail cell at that moment.