Rapid Falls(37)

She shakes her head and rolls her eyes, heaving an even deeper sigh as she types Anna’s name into their system. “Your sister’s not here,” she says with a hint of a smile on her lips.

“She’s here. I know for a fact she was admitted.”

“If the police admitted her, it’s a criminal matter. She’s in the criminal psych ward. Not here.” She emphasizes the humiliating words. I am furious but cowed. My sister is both crazy and a criminal. Anna is dragging me down with her.

Rick steps in. “And where is the criminal psych ward?” he asks in a level voice.

“Down the hall, to the right,” the nurse says without looking up again. She’s already turned back to her computer screen. Rick takes my hand, and we walk together in silence. I didn’t even know such a criminal component of the emergency room existed. With Anna, I never stop learning new things about depravity. At the end of the gray hall, we reach a set of closed doors with a frosted glass inset at eye level. As we get closer, I can see that the glass is threaded with shatterproof wiring. I reach out and try the handle. A sharp-sounding voice comes out of an intercom on the wall.

“This is a locked ward. No entry for nonrelatives. Who are you here to see, and what’s your relation?”

I close my eyes and will myself to be calm as I step toward the speakers to respond. “Cara and Rick Stanley, sister and brother-in-law of Anna Piper. She was admitted by the police a few hours ago.”

“Hold your ID up to the camera.” A small wall-mounted device swivels toward me. Rick passes me his driver’s license, and I quickly pull mine out of my purse. I hold both to the camera and wait.

“Only one visitor a day,” the voice admonishes.

Rick turns to me. “Go ahead. I’ll wait out here.”

“No way,” I say, pulling the car keys from my purse. “You don’t have to stay. Take the car. Get some sleep. I’ll grab a cab later.”

Rick hesitates.

“I don’t want you to have to wait here. It could be hours.” I force a smile. “Go home. Maggie needs you. And my mom.”

Rick makes a good effort to return my smile. “Okay. Good luck.” He looks into my eyes and kisses me softly before turning. The door finally clicks, and I pull it open. I walk into another long hallway. Everything is white, making the glare of the fluorescent lights seem even bleaker.

Immediately to my left is a small room, also barricaded in wired glass. Three people are huddled around a computer. No one acknowledges my presence. Illness, especially mental illness, strips a person and their family of basic dignity. Hospital staff help to ensure that. Maybe it makes the horrors they see every day bearable, but it also makes the experience more damning for everyone else. I walk past two empty beds lined up headfirst against the wall. I thought privacy was lacking in the regular ward, but this is much worse. The flimsy white curtains that partition the beds from each other stretch only the length of the beds; no curtain is available to block out the staff’s gazes from the glassed room that faces them. It feels like a prison. I guess it is.

Anna is in the third bed, lying flat on her back with a thin blanket pulled over her legs. Her face looks waxy. She doesn’t open her eyes as I walk closer.

“Hi, Anna,” I say. “It’s Cara.”

“You shouldn’t be here,” she says flatly, turning away. No shit, I want to scream at her. I’m so tired of having the same conversation over and over, the one where I beg her to let me help her. I swallow hard.

“Of course I’m here,” I snap, then try to soften my tone. “I’ll always be here. I’m your sister, remember?” My feeble joke is enough to make her turn back to me and open her eyes. I see something troubling in them, like she doesn’t believe me. Or maybe like she does, but she wishes it wasn’t true.

“Is there a chair?” I say.

“No. Probably a dangerous thing to have in a place like this.”

“Oh. Right.” I remain standing awkwardly beside her. She is still lying flat. I feel like the grim reaper.

“You can sit on the bed, if you want.”

“I’m fine to stand.” The thought of nestling onto the bed that contains my sister turns my stomach.

Anna breaks the silence. “Cara. I don’t remember . . . much about what happened.”

The familiar words make me rip a hangnail off with my teeth before I realize I’ve done it. I feel the exposed flesh stinging and a rush of blood. I clench my fist, hoping to contain the bleeding. “The police haven’t told us much either,” I lie. The officer told me on the phone that Anna was picked up on a street downtown when she tried to solicit an undercover officer for sex. I don’t know if she’s telling me the truth about remembering or if it’s her way of not taking responsibility. “What do you remember?” I say.

“Nothing. But I think . . . I think I tried to hit on someone . . . I think he misunderstood.”

“Okay.” I try to keep my tone neutral.

“I think . . .” She stares off into the distance. Her voice is dull and her eyes seem unfocused. “I think he looked like . . .”

“Anna.” My voice is cold. My nail bed pulses as I tighten my hand. I know what she is going to say. “You need to stop. What are you on right now?”

“I don’t know. They keep coming around with pills. I just take them.” She continues, “I think . . . I called him Jesse.” She stares at her hands blankly. “I did call him Jesse. The guy looked like Jesse, right?” The whites of her eyes seem huge when she finally meets my gaze. Her pupils are so dilated that she looks like a cartoon character.