Playlist for the Dead(48)

I’d heard of it—it sounded kind of stupid. Guys in trucks basically drag racing in the mud. Kind of a macho thing. Ryan used to race Trevor’s enormous red pickup sometimes—I guess Trevor wasn’t very good at it. Didn’t seem like something I’d be into, but Rachel’s boyfriends had always been into it, and she must have liked it, too, because she always went with them. “I don’t know,” I said.

Rachel came down the hall and stood in the doorway, as if on cue. I wondered if she’d been eavesdropping. Wouldn’t be the first time. “Come on, it’ll be something different,” she said. She actually wanted me to go? With her, in public? This was new. “It’s one of the few social events at school where anyone can go and not feel weird. People don’t get all judgy. They just get dirty.”

“I’ll consider it,” I said.

“Think of it as a favor to me,” Jimmy said. “I don’t think I’ll be in my element there, you know?”

Oh, I did.

Once he left, I debated whether to turn on the computer or just go straight to bed. But there was so much swirling around in my head and I just wished there was someone I could talk to about it. The problem was, the person I really wanted to talk to was Hayden. When would I stop feeling this way? When would he stop being the first person I wanted to call whenever anything happened?

Maybe it was time to give in. Even if I was delusional, there was a good chance I could turn on my computer right now and someone named ArchmageGed would show up. And maybe he’d be cryptic and annoying, just like Hayden, but maybe he would also listen. Like he’d asked me to do.

It was worth a shot. I booted up the computer and logged into Gchat.


SamGoldsmith: Are you here?



And then I inhaled deeply, and wrote,


I believe you now.



It wasn’t entirely true, but it didn’t matter.

The cursor blinked for a long time, so long I thought maybe I’d fallen asleep when I heard the ping of a new message.


ArchmageGed: Really?



I could almost feel hopefulness in the word. It sounded like Hayden.


SamGoldsmith: Sure.



I couldn’t help but sound skeptical. I was never very good at lying to him.


ArchmageGed: Do you need someone to talk to? Is that it?

SamGoldsmith: Kind of. I’ve been listening to the playlist and I’m trying to figure things out, but I need help.



That was the truth, for sure.


ArchmageGed: I’m afraid there’s not much I can do, not from here.

SamGoldsmith: Where’s “here”?



This was getting interesting.


ArchmageGed: Are you trying to start a conversation about the afterlife? I don’t think that’s a good idea.



If this was Hayden, he was as maddening as ever.


SamGoldsmith: Can’t you tell me something? Anything? Who’s Athena? What happened to Jason and Trevor? Tell me I’m not crazy.

ArchmageGed: I can’t tell you that. You were always batshit.



I almost started laughing, but I was too frustrated.


SamGoldsmith: Come on, give me something.

ArchmageGed: What is it that you really need to know that you don’t know already, that matters? Jason and Trevor are assholes who got what they deserve. Athena was a secret I kept from you, and I know that makes you mad, but wasn’t I allowed to have secrets?



Not from me, I wanted to write.


SamGoldsmith: Just tell me. Who hurt Jason and Trevor? Was it you? Was it me?

ArchmageGed: Like I said, does it really matter?



Was he kidding? Did he not see how much it mattered?


SamGoldsmith: It does to me. I could be in real trouble here.

ArchmageGed: You’ll be fine.



I wondered if he was just telling me what I wanted to hear.


ArchmageGed: You have Astrid now, right?



How did he know that?


SamGoldsmith: I think so. I hope so. But I still have so many questions. Anything you want to tell me? Secrets you want to share?

ArchmageGed: You’re mad I didn’t tell you about her before. I understand.



Of course he did. He always understood. I shivered a little, even though it wasn’t cold.


ArchmageGed: I wanted you to meet her someday. I knew you’d be good for each other.

SamGoldsmith: Were we supposed to share her or something?



I wasn’t completely convinced that she was Athena; there were so many things about it that didn’t make sense. But right now it was the only option I had. And I hadn’t even begun to deal with the idea of me and Hayden being into the same girl.

The cursor blinked. Was he not going to explain?


SamGoldsmith: Hello?



The cursor blinked again. I heard thunder outside my window, and then the crack and flash of a bolt of lightning. It started to rain, slowly at first, then in loud, pounding drops that clattered on the roof so hard I wondered if it might be hailing, too. After what felt like at least fifteen minutes I looked at the clock, only to once again be surprised to find how many hours had passed.

Finally, the Archmage started typing again.