One Baby Daddy (Dating by Numbers #3)(75)

I must not do a good job because after she takes a sip of her drink, she flatly asks, “Do you like me?”

Fuck.

“What?” I chuckle, trying to play it off. “Do I like you? That’s an odd question to ask. Of course I like you, or else I wouldn’t be here with you. Why do you ask?” Smooth, good job.

“I don’t know. I know you wanted to take things slow, but it almost feels like we’re more like friends than a new couple. You’ve been to my place twice now, at night, and not even a little kiss.”

It’s because I can’t get myself to kiss another woman.

I run a hand over my face. I might as well call a spade a spade. I can’t keep dragging her along, because it’s not fair to her. “It’s not you—”

“Oh God, the classic it’s not you, it’s me line.” Her face falls flat and I instantly regret what I’m about to say.

“I don’t mean for it to sound cliché.”

“I know you don’t, but man, it still stings.” She takes a large gulp of her martini and sticks the olives in her mouth, chomping down, looking anywhere but at me.

I fucking hate this so much. “Let me explain, Noely, before you get upset, or get drunk. I mean, I do like drunk Noely, but I’d rather you be present for this conversation.”

Even though I asked her to be present, I can tell she’s already checked out, and that’s on me.

Sitting back, olive spear still in hand, she says, “What’s going on, Hayden?”

It’s now or never. I suck in a deep breath and lay it all out on the table. “During the off-season, I spent the last couple months on the East Coast in my hometown. I spent a lot of time with my good friend who introduced me to this girl.”

“You don’t need to say anything else. I get it.”

Leaning across the table, I place my hand on Noely’s. “Please let me talk.”

Her features soften as she gently nods her head. So goddamn understanding. “I’m sorry, go ahead.”

“I met this girl, and she was different. A little outlandish, spoke what was on her mind, and she kind of captured me. She was different than anyone I’ve ever met.”

“She sounds lovely,” she grits out. Ehh, maybe I shouldn’t talk about how great of a girl Adalyn is in front of Noely. She doesn’t seem to care too much for it. I don’t blame her.

“She was. We spent almost every waking hour with each other when she wasn’t working or I wasn’t training. And then I was traded.” I shake my head. “She walked away easily, a reaction I wasn’t prepared for. I was kind of hoping, after our time together, maybe she’d consider moving to LA.”

“But she didn’t . . .” Noely finishes for me, a sense of sadness falling between us.

“She didn’t. I told myself it was okay, what we had was just a fling, as she so delicately said. But I know deep down, the feelings I had for her were going to take a long time to shed.”

“Is that why you joined the Going in Blind program? To get over her?”

“That and to meet new people, to maybe find someone to take my mind off her.” I sigh. “And then I met you. It’s going to sound lame, but I didn’t think going out with someone else was going to be so much fun. I really enjoy your company, Noely.”

She winces and I realize my mistake. No girl wants to hear their company is enjoyed, not when they want to be romantically involved with you. But fuck, I can’t lie to her, and I don’t want her doubting herself. It’s so fucking true when I say it’s me, not her. Maybe if I was in a different place, a healthier mental state, I would be more apt to asking her out again and giving this a real shot.

But I’m not there.

“I really enjoy your company too, Hayden.” The words sound like she’s trying to speak them past razor blades in her throat. It’s strained. “But . . .”

A heavy breath escapes me. “Fuck, I don’t know, Noely. I want to move on, I want to start something up with you, because you make me happy. You make me laugh, and we have so much in common, plus you’re fucking hot. I couldn’t have asked for a better match when it comes to the Going in Blind program. But I don’t know, there is something stopping me. Rather, someone, I should say.”

Her face falls flat. “I get it, Hayden. I really do. I like you a lot, but I’m not going to come in second to someone who’s still on your mind, you know? It’s not fair to me.”

“I know. It isn’t at all. Shit, I feel like a total dick.” I run my fingers through my hair, hating myself, hating Adalyn . . . No, I can’t fucking hate her, no matter how hard I try. “This isn’t how I wanted this to go. I thought I could push through, but I think I need some closure.” Fuck, I so need closure.

“Closure is helpful.” Noely twists the stem of her martini glass with her delicate fingers.

“Yeah, I guess. I need to make a phone call.”

“Sounds like it. For what it’s worth, I really appreciate you being honest, because being strung along when your heart and mind are somewhere else is not something I like to participate in.”

“I thought I owed you that much.” Taking a second, I lock eyes with her and say, “Can I ask you something?”