One Baby Daddy (Dating by Numbers #3)(72)

“I’ll be right—”

“Hayden Holmes is looking smooth as ever on the ice this pre-season, showing no signs of a bump in the road during his transition.” One of the doctors turns the volume up on the TV as everything else around me fades away.

“I can’t believe the Brawlers traded him,” one of the doctors says, leaning forward in his seat.

“Rumor is because he lost his cool at the press conference after their loss at the end of the season.”

“If that’s true, the Brawlers are the most idiotic organization in the hockey.”

On the TV ESPN plays a short montage of highlight clips. I’ve never seen Hayden play hockey, because I’ve never paid attention to the sport, but seeing him now, floating effortlessly along the ice, the determination in his eyes, the way he handles his stick with such precision, taking shot after shot at the goalie, it’s impressive and incredibly sexy.

Emma tugs on my hand but my attention is glued to the TV, and when Hayden comes onto the screen, I freeze. Hair wet from his helmet, his shoulders looking impossibly large from his shoulder pads, he smiles boyishly at the interviewer and laughs from a question I didn’t quite catch, my attention entirely focused on the man who stole my heart.

Looking toward the ground, his straight white teeth showing, hand gripping on the back of his head, his deep voice comes to life in the small staff lounge. “They’ve been amazing. The Quakes organization has really opened their arms to me and made me feel welcome.” When Hayden looks at the camera, there is a smile on his face, but his eyes . . . they aren’t happy.

Empty, soulless. Not the same eyes that greeted me when I first met him, or the eyes that stared at me while pulsing inside me.

“And how is Los Angeles treating you?”

“Love it.” Hayden grips the collar of his shoulder pads as he speaks. “It’s a huge change from Philly, but I’ve enjoyed soaking in the atmosphere of California. I very well might be in love.”

In love.

The words vibrate through my body. He’s in love.

Because I’m selfish and wish I were still very much involved in Hayden’s life, I shamelessly hoped he was miserable in California, that despite not having a choice, he still wished he was in Binghamton with me. And for a small glimpse of hope, I thought maybe that was the case with his empty smile, but now . . .

He’s laughing, joking, LOVING the state, the team that took him away from me. It’s a hard pill to swallow. Incredibly hard.

“Hey, are you okay?”

My stomach rolls, my inability to swallow my saliva fast enough startles me. I’m going to lose it. Running to the bathroom, I throw open the first stall and dry-heave into the toilet, nothing left inside of me to rid.

Silently, tears fall from my eyes as my stomach convulses over and over again.

Why can’t he be miserable? How is it fair that his life simply moves on and he’s in love? I saw what I wanted to see—unhappy eyes. I was wrong. Oblivious Father: 1. Freaked-out Mother: 0

How I wish he were as miserable as I am.

Wrapped up in my robe, tucked under fluffy blankets, with a water next to me and a saltine in my hand, I open my computer. From a few feet away, a mint and eucalyptus candle burns, filling the air with a soothing smell that has eased the tension in my stomach. When I was at Bath & Body Works today, I bought six of the same candles, because it’s the one thing that’s been able to soothe me. Now if only I can find a way to burn one while I’m at work. If they came as those tree air fresheners, I would wear ten around my neck.

Netflix is calling me. My brother Sean was telling me about a show his wife is “making” him watch, Grace and Frankie. He said it’s really funny and I should give it a try. Needing a laugh, I decide to take his suggestion.

At least that’s what I told myself.

Lips pursed to the side, fingers hovering over my keyboard, I pause in my attempt to watch something funny, my mind deceiving me.

Type it in; go ahead. Netflix. N-E-T . . .

But my fingers don’t listen, instead, they type out something entirely different.

I focus on the screen in front of me and squeeze my eyes shut.

Hayden Holmes press conference.

Don’t press enter. Don’t you dare do it. You don’t need to watch his press conference that supposedly got him traded. This will do nothing to help your situation. There is no good in watching it.

Enter.

Oh my finger, what a defiant bitch.

Okay, no need to actually watch the video, despite the multiple links that pop up.

Oh look, there he is, headlines claiming Hayden as angry, a poor sport, and loses his temper. That’s not who he is.

Why am I defending him?

Maybe he is an angry tyrant, and I have no clue. I mean, we were only together for a little over a month. That’s not enough time to show your true colors . . .

Although, he did just lose the game that would have put them in the championships. If I were one step away from the biggest trophy in my sport, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be a smooth-talking fella either.

But what did he say?

My finger hovers over the first link. This is stupid, and you’re just going to regret it in the end. This is a toxic tendency, watching videos of people who are no longer in your life just for the hell of it.

All this is going to do is upset you. Now go on, go watch Netflix.