Not Broken: The Happily Ever After(36)

“I had Brenda ask the old owners if I could have this here for you. Happy birthday, Ginger.” I held the small gift bag out toward her, but she didn’t take it. Her eyes remained on the vase, and she looked almost sick at the sight of them. The color had drained from her face and she’d taken a step back from the island.

“You okay?”

She nodded, looking up at me. “Yeah, it’s just a surprise is all.”

“You don’t look like it’s a good surprise.”

“No, it is. What woman doesn’t love getting roses?” She gave me a smile, but it seemed forced. “Thank you.” She took the bag, walked over to the fireplace, and took a seat on the hearth.

I opened the champagne, watching as she opened her gift. Picking up the now filled glasses, I walked over to where she sat.

“You like it? I admit I suck at gifts, but Macy tells me I can never go wrong with jewelry. According to her, the more bling the better, but you aren’t the flashy type.”

“It’s perfect, thank you. And it matches my ring. Will you put it on?” She stood, holding the box out to me.

I sat the glasses on the mantle before taking it from her. Turning her back to me, she waited for me to fasten the delicate platinum chain around her neck. The only bling came from the diamond encrusted infinity symbol that sat in the center. I let my thumbs stroke the soft skin on the back of her neck after I’d done the clasp. I stepped closer, letting my hands move over her shoulders, and down her arms until I linked my fingers with hers, closing our arms around her.

Having her in my arms felt good, felt right. I savored these moments, the ones where she relaxed and stopped overthinking, stopped fighting against the idea of an us and simply lived in the moment.

I pressed my lips to the top of her head. “I love you, Ginger.”

She started to squirm, breaking free of our embrace. She reached past me, grabbing the glasses off the mantle.

“Congrats again.” She clinked our glasses together before downing the contents of hers in one go.

I held my glass out toward her, “Do you want mine, too?”

She looked down at her empty glass before shaking her head. “I was just thirsty.”

“What do you think I’m going to do to you?”

Her face scrunched into a frown. “What? Nothing? Why would you ask that?”

“Because you just downed that glass like you needed the liquid courage for something. And it’s not the first time, so what is it about me that has you so afraid?”

“Why do you do this?”

“Do what?”

“Look for things that aren’t there? I’m not afraid of you, Mal. And I don’t need liquid courage for anything, so I don’t know what you are implying with that statement. I was thirsty, that’s it.”

She walked over to the island to set her glass down. Her head hung down, and I could tell from the rise and fall of her shoulders she was taking slow breaths. I gulped down my champagne; I needed it to calm my temper, to keep things from turning into another argument. They came on fast and out of nowhere most times. Anytime I broached a topic she didn’t like, she went on the defensive.

Walking up behind her, I sat my glass down beside hers. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t implying anything. It just seems like sometimes the longer you’re alone with me, the more nervous you tend to get.”

“I’m trying.”

I turned her to face me. “Trying to what?”

She focused on my chest. “To be what you want.”

“And what is it that you think I want?”

She shrugged. Placing my fingers on her chin, I slowly lifted her face. “Why don’t you try asking me. Maybe that’ll make things easier on you.” I smiled, and she did the same in return.

“What do you want, Mal?”

“I want to erase the sadness that always seems to be in your eyes. I want you to not flinch when I hug you. I want you to feel like you can count on me for any and everything. I want you to look at me and believe that I love you and that I’d never hurt you. But beyond all that, I simply want you. You don’t have to be anything other than who you are.”

She wrapped her arms around my waist, and rested her head on my chest. “I don’t care what Macy says about you, you’re an okay guy.”

I laughed, closing my arms around her. Having her initiate contact with me made me feel like I’d won the lotto.

“Just okay? I think I’m pretty damned spectacular.”

“I’m sure you do.”

I felt dampness on my shirt, so I tightened my hold on her, and stroked her back softly. “What do you want, Ginger?”

“I…” she stopped, sniffling as she pulled away. She wiped the wet spot on my shirt. “Sorry.”

“No biggie.”

She looked around the empty room before bringing her eyes back to me. They were red from her crying, as was the tip of her nose. Everything I’d just told her I wanted was true. But there was no magic fix to take away her sadness, no matter how much I wished differently.

Her tears were my kryptonite.

“You’re going to need more furniture than what you have at your condo.”

Two steps forward, but about a hundred steps backwards She kept fighting against any and everything that she thought was a kink in her emotional armor. I wanted to push her to answer the question, but I already knew the outcome of what would happen. Today was supposed to be a happy day.