Not Broken: The Happily Ever After(34)

“You’re shaking. Sit, have some water. I’m going to call this done for today, but I want you to stay and take the time you need.”

Dr. Carr led me back over to my chair. After opening a bottle of water for me, she gathered up her notebooks and went to her desk. I pressed my hands together between my legs, willing the trembling to stop. In the background, Dr. Carr worked on her computer. I focused on the faint clicking sound of keys being pressed. The trembling subsided. Reaching over, I grabbed the bottle off the table and took a long drink.

I rolled the bottle between my hands, watching the gentle sway of the water created from the motion. I took another drink, draining the remaining contents. Heart rate steady, but the nauseous feeling remained. Picking up my purse, I walked over and dropped the bottle into the blue recycling can next to Dr. Carr’s desk. She stopped typing and looked up at me.

Again, I twirled the ring around my finger. “He…he used the name when he was angry at me. It would signal a punishment was coming.”

Dr. Carr closed the lid of her laptop as she stood. “Are you okay to continue talking about this now?”

I shook my head. “You asked me the question. I just wanted to answer it.” I gave her a small wave before exiting.

As I pulled out of the parking deck, I knew home was the last place I wanted to go. I wasn’t sure if Dorian was there or not. Regardless, I didn’t want to be in that house with those painful memories fresh in my mind. Driving down Peachtree, BrickTop’s came into view. My hasty decision to head there drew angry honking from the car I cut off to get over. I pulled up to the valet station, and one of the attendants quickly made his way over to open my door. Once inside, the hostess informed me there’d be a fifteen-minute wait for a table, but that wasn’t necessary. I only needed the bar.

There was an empty stool near the wall, a perfect place for me to be separated from the rest of the corporate lunch crowd filling the place. The bartender smiled in my direction, letting me know she saw me. I picked up the menu, and looked over my choices while she tended to the other patrons.

“What’ll it be?”

“Um…I’ll try your Manhattan, please.”

“Need to see some ID.”

Once she was satisfied I was of legal age, she stepped away to make my drink, returning a few minutes later. The initial bitter burn of the bourbon made me cough; she wasn’t sparing on the alcohol, that was for sure. My thoughts went back to my session as I sipped my drink.

Was Dr. Carr going to suggest I go back on my meds? I didn’t want that, but the episodes were becoming more frequent. I massaged my temples, feeling a headache coming on. I was drained. Keeping up appearances was becoming harder to do, and that fact scared me. I’d been doing well, had found a rhythm to my life. A routine that had kept me focused and made each day possible, leaving nights my only real enemy. The balance I’d worked so hard to obtain had begun to shift and I needed to figure out how to get it back before everyone saw through my fa?ade.

Catching the bartender’s attention, I signaled I wanted a refill. I sat, sipping on my drink thinking about everything and nothing. The lunch crowd came and went, and yet still I sat.

“I think you’re ringing.” I looked up to see the bartender pointing toward my purse, the vibrating noise finally registering with me.

“’ello.”

“So, you aren’t dead. That’s good to know.”

I winced hearing Dorian’s bitchy voice on the other end. “What’da want?”

“Where the hell are you? Mom and Dad have all but called out the National Guard because you haven’t checked in.”

I pulled my phone away from my ear. The top bar showed I had about six missed calls, a couple of texts and voicemails, but more importantly I saw the time. I’d been sitting here for nearly three hours. Shit. I didn’t call to check in with them like normal when they had Shawn.

“I’ll call ‘em.” My attempt to stand forced me to reach for the bar top to steady myself. The phone fell with a loud thud onto the bar surface. A few of the servers looked in my direction. Dorian’s voice came through the speakers, calling out my name.

“Sorry, drop it.”

“Are you drunk? At two in the afternoon? What the hell, Calida?”

“No,” I returned a little too loudly. It wasn’t missed by me that the bartender had signaled for someone to come over.

“Bullshit. I can hear it in your voice. Where the hell are you?”

“None your business. I’ll see you home.”

“Like hell. You can barely talk. No way can you drive. You’ll kill someone, if not yourself.”

I let out a groan, knowing she was right. I didn’t think I’d had that many to drink, but honestly, I’d lost count. Giving in, I told her where I was then hung up. After paying my tab I stumbled my way to the bathroom to relieve my overly full bladder.

Sitting at the bar, drinking a glass of water, I could almost feel Dorian’s disapproving presence before I saw her.

“Let’s go.”

I thanked the bartender before grabbing my purse and sliding off the stool, wobbling in the process, forcing Dorian to catch me before I hit the floor.

“A hug, Dorian? You do care!” My arms wrapped around her tighter, nearly taking us both to the floor.

“Stop making a scene,” she grumbled, removing my arms from around her. “Did you at least eat something?”