Munmun(88)

But I learned it too, Kitty Family, I did.





LIFEANDDEATHWORLD


The day came, I gave Puppyneck his orders, he didn’t put up much of a fight.

“I could still just stomp you,” he joked.

“Forsure,” I agreed, “my lawyer could also put a crisp twenmillion behind a Puppyneck Is Wanted Dead Or Alive type of poster, though.”

“Lol what a bluff,” lolled Puppyneck, carrying me out onto his backdeck, down to his motorboat, firsttime under the sun in years.

Out on the ocean he placed me in the water, the waves jostled me.

“Seriously though, how big are you getting,” Puppyneck wanted to know.

“Step back and watch,” I told him.

His boat motored away from me a few feet.

“That might not be far enough,” I yelled, he didn’t hear me though.

I floated, hummed to myself, waited for the bankers to begin.

Rubbery seaweed ribbons wreathed me.

Shadows moved below me.

Wish we could have done this at the bank, ohwell.

A tuna sniffed me like a dog, whispered water at my feet.

Another couple moments passed, water lapped my ears.

The tuna gulped me, ate me whole.

I was sliding and flailing in a wet slippery nightroom, nothing to breathe but seawater, didn’t even have time to think dang before I felt it, my bones began their creaky stretching.

In a few seconds I was too big to stay in this fish’s tum, I punched through his side, poor brainless maneater.

Wriggled head and arms out, paddled like a madman back to the surface, my waist was snapping fishribs onebyone.

Broke the seatop and gasped, halfscale already, splitinhalf fishbody falling away from me to the bottom.

For sure it hurt, a warm beautifull hurt though. It was the soreness of You Just Ran For A Super Long Time, Then You Lifted Weights, Then You Climbed A Giant House.

I lay back on the seatop and closed my eyes, felt every ache bloom through me, heard my heart get slow and my lungs get huge.

Saw my brain get enormous, a thought might take allday to swim across this thing.

Against my skin the waves became ripples, seaweed became a tickly fringe, seadust, seafluff.

I pushed my hands backandforth through the water, moved blocks of ocean here and there.

Became a whale, wordless, slow.

Kept my eyes closed for a while after it was over, finally opened them and looked around, where’s Puppyneck.

Didn’t see him for a while, did he freak out and motor away.

Ohsnap, is that the boat.

That tiny seashell, upsidedown toyboat halfsunk already, must have been flipped by my bathtub waves.

PUPPYNECK, I rasped, drythroated, my voice was a thunderboom, too big even for aircommas.

I sifted through the water, looking for him.

Aha, there he is, a struggling little insect.

Look at this tiny little guy, treading, giggling furiously.

I picked him up and put him in my hair.

I had fiftybillion munmuns in me, twentysixscale, about a hunfiftyfeet tall. Usher had moved every last munmun from munflow to scale, put it all in my scale account, the bank tried to tell him this is really not a goodidea but toobad, bankers, it’s like you said, you’re just a bunch of tools, now you must serve a lunatic and his lawyer.

And now a little Lossy Indica lay dull and flat twomiles from my monster’s body, under the heavy morning heat.

A mile from shore, my feet touched the seabottom, I stopped paddling, began to wade.

Thousandfeet from shore, the seatop didn’t even reach my knees, sorry everybody for this perfect view of my peen and furry nuts.

I brought sheets of ocean with me, waves and surges, swimmers were freaking out, paddling to the beach and stumblerunning, surfers tried to ride along.

I stepped onto the sand, drippingwet.

Toed the boardwalk, took a few steps into town, each step has to be super slow, hold the foot up and wait for the antpeople to scurry out from underneath, then lower slowly, ground still trembles though.

Rested my arms on top of a fivestory building and looked around, tried not to rest the arms too hard or break too much roof.

Look at this low wide goofy little place, toy town, toy cars, toy Metro.

I’m Grant now, less janky playset though.

Police and coastguard were buzzing around me frantically, copters, sirens, guys on horses. Are they going to attack, will I have to swat and crush.

The answer was nope, I wasn’t who they hated.

“MOVE IT PEOPLE, GIANT COMING THROUGH, HOW ABOUT YOU GET OUT OF THE FREAKING WAY ALREADY,” their speakers screamed.

All around me were loyal copswarms chasing ants out of the way, shoving with shields, bulldozing with shovelcars, under the motors and rotors I heard quiet outraged barks and chirpy little screams from the pushedaround crowds, how the heck did all these police get here so fast.

“Big sir,” purred a spokesdrone near my face, “would you like for us to summon some transport for you, travel in style and convenience to wherever you’re going?”

There was nowhere that I was going ofcourse, I was right where I was supposed to be, here to make my huge announcement in my giantvoice, hey citizens, littlepoors inparticular, listen up, I have goodnews.

See how big I am, see how much I took from riches, well now I’m giving it to poors. I’m donating my fortune to Lossy Indica Minmun, no one in this city will ever be ratscale again.