Munmun(86)

I did some breathing in the moon, let myself relax, probably outside the hellscapes were lightening up.

“How did the faceboys allow this insane thing to happen,” I asked.

“Only their lawyer knows about it,” he explained, eyes really sparking now with happy revenge.

“Does Solodream know,” I asked.

“Just your sis,” he said.

“So, how many munmuns do I have,” I asked him.

“About ninetymillion,” he said.

My mind got very calm, very clear, a glass of perfect water.

“We win,” he told me, “finally, we win.”

Usher you sweet goofball, that’s not possible, no one ever wins.

But he described the win lovingly, indetail, told me what can happen, how I can escape. Warner I ofcourse have power of attorney over Consolidated Warning, so now when the faceboys bring me on a routine trip to the bank to update Faceboy Industries agreements, I can secretly give the bank the order to move muns from your munflow to your scale, let’s say tenmillion, doublescale.

You don’t need to visit the bank for this either, the bank can scale you up remotely, remote scaling happens if you’re too big to fit in the bank, they do it in extraordinary circumstances. I will give them an exact time for them to just shift the muns and blow you up like a balloon wherever you are, scaling up awake without scalemeds is supposed to be pretty safe, kind of painfull and weird but no risk.

I’m sure we can trick someone in Dream Division to let you out into the yard, we don’t even have to tell them what it’s for. Make up a story, Warner needs outdoor access for dreampurposes or something, start letting him out for an hour everyday.

And then one day while you’re out, the scaleup happens, someone will meet you in a bulletproof doublecar, give you your doublerobe, whisk you away to your doublelife.

He told me all this and I knew what we were going to do.

“Okay,” I told him. “Here’s what happens next. You take half, and you escape.”

He shook his gray head.

“Nope, you don’t have a choice,” I told him. “I’m ordering you, go to the bank, use power of attorney to give yourself half, take fourtyfivemillion and get doublescale yourself, get your own doublecar, drive off to your own doublelife.”

“Okay and then what about you,” he said.

“I stay here for now,” I told him.

He was quiet.

“Look, if you can control my muns, how about you just invest them, buy some stocks, maybe take over some corpos even,” I said. “I’ll tell you when I’m ready to scale up.”

He didn’t understand but nodded anyway, my best and only friend, loyal brilliant Usher.

I left the moon and made more hells.





LIFEANDDEATHWORLD


So on his next routine trip to the bank, guarded by hulking Shoulderheads and two other faceboys carefully watching for funnystuff, Usher took a deep breath, wrote a note to the bankers in Latinn.

“What’s that say,” demanded Shoulderheads.

“Just some t technic cal lan nguage,” explained Usher.

But what the note said was, “Dear Banker, Please take me to the underbank for a tenmillion munmun Scale Up, plus move thirtyfivemillion to my munflow, Consolidated Warning is the account that’s paying into mine, note that I have power of attorney over Consolidated Warning, okaygreat.”

Banker read it, gazed at Usher, gazed at the goons.

Then nodded and smiled brightly.

“Perfect, sir, the littlevator is right this way, and congratulations on your dramatic Scale Up,” chirped the banker, lifting Usher by the underarms.

“Hey hey hey, we go with him everywhere,” yelled Shoulderheads, grabbing the banker.

“Not for Scale Up, I’m afraid,” apologized the banker as Bank Security rushed in and tased Shoulderheads and his screaming faceboy goons, what are you idiots thinking, you don’t get to manhandle bankers in the bank.

After Scale Up, doublescale elevenfoot Usher lingered alone in the waitingroom, called a service called Ruthless Mercenary Transport, paid twenthousand for a ride. Pick me up at the middlerich loadingdock please, maybe be prepared for assault as we pull out.

But it wasn’t much of an assault, Shoulderheads only bounced a few bullets off the tank before Ruthless drones sniped him, what a dumb end of the story for Shoulderheads, slumped bloody in the middlestreet.

Usher rolled into Sentrow like a warhero, climbed out of the tank in a classic creamy mobster suit and a sweet strawhat to cover his tatty head, Usher you stylish grayfish, do you know how to make an entrance or what.

He squeezed into a middlevator, took it to the tenthfloor, came hulking a little stumbly down the hall, knocked on the door of the President and See Ee Oh of Solodream.

“Hi Prayer,” he grinned, managed to say her name perfectly before she wrapped her arms around his ribs, sobbing.





DREAMWORLD


Rage and chaos splintered Faceboy Industries, they relied too heavily on one captive brain and now he’s gone, on the way out sabotaged all their contracts also, basically their one remaining asset was prisoned me.

Oneandahalfscale Puppyneck threatened to stomp me a couple times so I reminded him, dave, what sense does that even make, I’m the reason you’re eightfeet and stylish, you like your life too much of being the tracksuit king of partyclubs, how about you stop making idiot threats and just let me earn you munmuns.