Midnight Sun(37)

Tonight helped me see exactly what I want out of life: my independence. To make my own decisions, my own mistakes, my own way in this big awesome world. I got this.

Charlie and I drive to the beach. We park, then walk slowly down the shoreline. We’re in no hurry to get anywhere.

“You were incredible tonight,” he tells me.

I make a face like Come on now. He’s basically starting to rival my dad as my number one fan. It’s very sweet, but also kind of mortifying.

“Seriously,” he continues, undeterred. “I probably would’ve said you were good no matter what, but you’re really good. You have to do something with your songs!”

I’ve been thinking the same thing all night. A great plan is beginning to form in my head, and it includes my moving to a city; going to college, whether it’s only for night classes or researching all the tricks other people with XP use to live a seminormal daytime life; and being a regular, normal student like everyone else. Playing every street corner and open mic night I can find, hoping to be “discovered,” but if not, simply taking every opportunity to feel as incredible as I did when I was performing an hour ago.

Music is in my DNA, along with the markers for XP, and I want to share my songs with the world. After tonight, I’m pretty sure that’s what I was put on this earth to do. That it’s my mission in life. That’s how I’ll prove I was here even after I’m gone.

And the best part of the future I’m imagining is this: Charlie is in it. I hope he’ll be swimming at Berkeley. Is it so crazy to think I could go to school there, too? I’ve got the grades and the test scores, and they’ve got the incredible academic programs and performing arts opportunities. I’m sure something could be worked out to accommodate my special needs. It’s the perfect plan.

I stop walking. “Are you ready?”

“For what?” he asks.

“To go swimming.”

Charlie blinks, surprised. “What? No. I don’t swim anymore.”

“Yes, you do,” I tell him. “You just haven’t swum in a while. And I’ve never been in this water before, so you’re gonna take me.”

Charlie shakes his head. “Seriously, I don’t want to.”

I stick my hands on my hips. He is not getting off this easy. He can’t ruin our perfect future together by not cooperating. “I didn’t want to sing! You made me!”

“That was different,” he says, staring down at the sand.

“No, it was not!” I stomp my foot for emphasis.

Charlie laughs. “Easy there, kiddo. Do you have any idea how cold that water is?”

I stare out into the dark ocean, then back at Charlie. I actually have zero clue, other than the hint I’ve just been given. But it’s too late to back down now; too much rides on what happens next.

“Charlie. We can either have come all the way to the beach under the stars and we don’t go swimming, or we can jump into this water and keep having the best night of our lives. What do you want to do? Right now?”

Sure, I stole his own speech and turned it around on him. Whatever it takes. As they say, all’s fair in love and war.

Charlie gives me a smirk like he thinks he’s won this particular battle. “I don’t have a bathing suit.”

I smirk right back at him. “Neither do I.”

I pull my T-shirt over my head. And then I’m standing in front of him in my bra and jeans. His eyes go wide, but he doesn’t move. He’s calling my bluff.

I toss my sneakers in the sand and shimmy out of my pants. It’s too late to back out now. I’ll keep peeling off layers until he agrees.

“Are you coming?” I ask, running toward the water in my underwear.

I turn around as the first wave laps my toes. They basically go numb. I’m not sure how I’m going to make myself dive all the way in; all I know is that it’s going to happen. Charlie already has his shirt off and he’s struggling to get out of his shorts. I laugh at his sudden enthusiasm.

I turn back toward the water, take a deep breath, and go charging in.

“OH MY GOD! It’s freezing!” I whoop.

Charlie throws his head back. “I know!” he yells, and runs in after me.

Our happiness echoes off the ocean. I feel like it knows we’re meant to be together.

“Do you like to swim?” Charlie asks me.

I shrug. “I guess. I mean, I don’t have all that much experience.”

His mouth falls open like he can’t believe I’m so deprived. “We have to change that. When are we ever going to be in another situation where I genuinely have moves? Here. Let me show you some.”

My heart quickens in the darkness. “You’re going to show me your moves?”

“Yep,” he says, grabbing me and basically laying me down in the water. And then he’s holding me there, his touch gentle but firm.

I can’t believe I never knew how great it is to feel so close to someone both physically and mentally. Sometimes, when Charlie and I are lying next to each other kissing, it’s like I want to melt right into him.

Before I met Charlie, I had given up on ever falling in love in real life, and with that, ever having sex with anyone. It hasn’t happened yet, but the truth is, I wouldn’t say no if the opportunity presented itself someday in the not-so-distant future.