Messy Love(75)

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MARISSA


I pushed open the door to InkSpired the next morning, conscious of my bloodshot eyes and the lack of colors in my cheeks, but I kept my head high, my brows furrowed and my lips pursed.

After spending hours yesterday crying over my stupid heart and my failed “relationship’’, if it had ever been one to begin with, I woke up with the kind of anger at the world that helped me leave my bed without shedding too many tears. It also assured me that I would be able to do my work without too much trouble.

I was mad at myself, felt stupid for trusting Wyatt and opening myself up like I did, but I was also aware that none of this was my fault.

Wyatt was the asshole who broke my heart. Granted, I gave him the opening to do it, but he was the one with issues and the constant need to hurt someone.

I gritted my teeth when Sophie’s eyes widened at the front desk, but I held my hand up to silence her. “Nothing to talk about.’’

“O-kay.’’ She blinked at me behind her thick-framed glasses and eyed me as I made my way to the hall without another look back or greetings words for Kam and Jade already prepping their stations. “No hello? No nothing?’’

I clenched my hands at my sides, but said nothing and kept on walking to store my purse in the lockers on the far back of the office. Once my bag was safely locked away, I pressed my forehead against the cold metal and breathed in deeply. The chilly metal didn’t ease my headache or relax me in any way, but I still managed to get my heart to beat at normal speed and unclenched my fists. The pain inside my chest where Wyatt had run a wrench through my heart still hurt. The pain didn’t lessen, but after spending almost twenty-four hours in pain and a state of intense distress, I reasoned myself to my new truth.

I would hurt a long time because of Wyatt. It wouldn’t go away with a few tears, a pint of ice cream devoured and four chick-flicks watched on Netflix.

Usually, when you broke up with someone, or someone treated you like a used tissue; you could say goodbye without risking crossing paths with them too often, or at all. With Wyatt, things were a lot trickier. He was the adoptive son of the woman who had abandoned me at birth, the biological mother who welcomed me into her life now and wished to develop a relationship with me.

How could you escape someone when their life was entwined with yours?

“Hey.’’ Sophie’s voice, hesitant and soft, startled me out of my thought.

With a last deep breath, I turned around and offered her a sad smile that had my eyes burn with tears I didn’t want to let out again. I had cried way too much already.

“What happened?’’

I shook my head and shrugged at the same time. Even my body language was a mess. I had no idea how to say it aloud. A broken heart hurt a lot more than I was sure of before I met Wyatt. It gave me pause as to wonder if I had been in love before, if I wasn’t screwed up inside to fall so hard and so fast for a guy like Wyatt who had started by acting out against me, by hurting me knowingly.

“Is it about… uh…’’

“Yeah,’’ I said and closed my eyes, leaning against the lockers behind me. “I should have never let him in.’’

“Oh, Mar, it’s not yours—''

“Don’t tell me it’s not my fault,’’ I stopped her, eyes now open and hard on her. She sucked in a breath at the look on my face, and the brief hurt registered on hers had me apologizing in a whisper. “I’m not made to be with someone who’s a mess. This whole thing screamed of a heartbreak waiting to happen, but I let him drag me into his life. God, and I thought…’’

“What?’’

She walked in and closed the door behind her, protecting me from the nosey Jade and Kam’s critical eyes. She crossed the room and leaned against the lockers next to me, putting her head on my shoulder. She was too short to wrap an arm around my shoulders when we were both standing.

“Saturday night was… I don’t know. It was different. I was sure that it meant something.’’

“Didn’t you tell me he was scared of getting attached? Maybe he freaked out again.’’

“It wasn’t that at all, believe me.’’ I dried a tear that fell and cursed loudly in the quiet office before I pulled away from the comfort Sophie gave me. She’d have me in a pool of tears in no time if she kept on mellowing me. “It’s not my problem anymore anyway. I won’t feel like shit because of him. It’s over.’’

“Mar…’’

“I’m serious, Sophie. I’m not a fucking martyr, and I don’t need a guy to be happy. I better focus on my career and finish this never-ending apprenticeship. My life doesn’t revolve around Wyatt Burton.’’

“Alright, alright.'' She placated me in a soothing voice. "You should have called me yesterday.’’

“Why? So, you could watch me cry my weight in tears and eat a nauseating amount of ice cream? I needed that time to myself, and I felt too shitty for letting a hot guy win me over when I should have been running in the opposite direction.’’

“Too bad hot guys always seem to find their way in our lives,’’ she said and forced a cheerful smile to her face, just to try and cheer me up. “Come on, let’s get started on this day and then we’ll grab a beer or two at the bar tonight. We’re long overdue for a girls’ night and what best than a girls’ night to trash talk the male population?’’