Marek (Cold Fury Hockey #11)(70)

Utter relief washes over Marek’s face and he grabs me in his arms, wrapping me up in a hug. “God, I’m so glad we got that out of the way. We’ll work through this stuff, Gracie. I promise.”

It catches me off guard, and for a moment I just stand there, stiff in his arms. But then I’m pushing him away, shaking my head. “I still want to go back to New York.”

“What?” he whispers, clearly aghast at such a suggestion.

“We said nasty things to each other and we’re both sorry for it, but that doesn’t mean this is the right place for me. I just…there really isn’t anything here for me.”

Marek’s eyebrows draw together in a mixture of anger and confusion. “I’m here.”

Not in the way I need.

“Gracie,” Marek practically croaks out. “I love you. Please don’t leave.”

His words make my knees go weak, and they feel so damn good to my ears that I refuse to believe in something so wonderful. I shake my head in denial. He’s desperate to keep Lilly here and he’ll say anything. “No. You don’t mean that.”

“I do,” he insists as he takes a step toward me. I move back, my back coming up against the counter. Another step, and he’s toe to toe with me. His hands come to my face. His thumbs stroke my cheeks. “I love you. I don’t want to lose Lilly, but Gracen…this is about you and me right now. I don’t want to lose you.”

I’m not worthy. “It’s not possible. Not after what I did to you. It was the ultimate betrayal.”

“It is possible,” he growls at me in frustration. “I was wrong to throw it back in your face last night, and I swear, Gracie, I will work my ass off never to do that again. I love you and I never want to hurt you.”

I shake my head. I refuse to believe it. “There are too many hard feelings to overcome.”

“You overcame what I did to you,” he asserts. “You still love me despite the way I broke your heart. Why can’t I love you even after you kept Lilly a secret?”

And then I speak the truth. I express the guilt that apparently still weighs down on me to this day, even though I said I was done with apologizing. “Because what you did to me was nowhere near as bad as what I did to you. You dumped me. Broke my heart. So what? I kept your daughter away from you. I willingly kept her a secret from you, and God help me, Marek, maybe I did it to punish you. That’s beyond fucked up, and there’s no way you should really be able to get past that. There’s no way you could ever love me with that hanging over us.”

“Bullshit,” he yells at me. He steps back and his hands drop from my face. His face is flushed with anger, his eyes turbulent with emotion. “Don’t fucking tell me how I can and can’t feel. You’re it for me, Gracie. My first love. My only love. The mother of my child. It may have taken me a bit longer than you to figure out that what we have is the real deal, but I’m telling you…I love you and I want you to stay here and make a life with me.”

Once again, my head is shaking; I’m refusing to believe this could be true. “I can’t.”

“For fuck’s sake, Gracie,” he barks at me in frustration. Then his eyes soften and he holds his hands out as he implores. “I used to think that everything good in my life was because of hockey. I’m man enough to admit it’s why I left you. Because I couldn’t see it. Didn’t want to see it. Wasn’t mature enough to see it. Whatever. I wasted so much opportunity when I left you behind, and I’ll regret that for the rest of my life. I will regret choosing something other than you. But I’ll be damned if I’ll regret letting you get away a second time. I’m not going to do it.”

His words hang ominously in the air and my breath is frozen in my lungs.

Marek takes a deep breath and his eyes turn rock hard with determination. “You want to go back to New York, fine.”

My heart sinks, telling me I shouldn’t have been so adamant in my denial.

He takes a step toward me until we’re almost nose to nose. He doesn’t touch me, but then again, he doesn’t need to. His words almost bowl me over. “You can go back to New York, but I’m coming with you.”

A sound of protest squeaks out of me and my eyes go so wide I’m afraid my eyeballs might pop out of my head.

He nods, as if understanding clearly that this is exactly what he’ll do to keep me. “I’ll finish out this season, but then I’m done. I’ll move to New York and we’ll be a family there.”

“That’s ridiculous,” I sputter.

“It’s not,” he says staunchly, lifting his chin. “You are more important than hockey. Being a family with you and Lilly is the most important thing in the world to me, and I’m not going to give it up. So fine…we’ll move to New York.”

My jaw drops, closes, and then drops again. I manage to stutter, “B-b-but you can’t give up hockey. It’s your life.”

“No, it’s my job. You and Lilly are my life.”

Tears spring to my eyes and I push past Marek to get some space. I wheel around on him. “You’re crazy.”

“Crazy for you,” he says with a smile. “I’m not joking about this, Gracie. Either you can stay here with me or I’ll come to you.”