Marek (Cold Fury Hockey #11)(69)

How I couldn’t say the words back to her and haven’t brought myself to say them since.

I shake my head, lowering it in shame. Silently admitting my cowardice to my father.

“You didn’t want to get hurt again by her,” he concludes, and yeah, that sentiment feels right.

I drag my gaze back up at him. “No one will ever know how hard it was for me to break up with Gracen. I wanted her and I wanted my freedom. I loved her so much, and when I left her, there wasn’t a day went by that I didn’t think of her to some extent. Wondering if the freedom I’d gained had been worth losing her.”

“You grew up in that time,” my dad says with a wave of his hand. “There’s nothing wrong with that. And there’s something to be said about second chances.”

“I guess,” I say hesitantly as I look down at my beer bottle.

“Listen,” my dad says, and my head pops back up. “Here’s my real advice. Bottom line…you love her. You regret the fight. Go apologize and tell her the truth of how you feel. Don’t hold back. Lay it all out, Marek.”

“Lay it all out,” I repeat as if testing the weight of the consequences of what that all means.

“If you do, you can never have regrets later,” he adds. “If this is what you want, a family and a life with Gracen, then put it all out there and ask her for it.”

“Do I deserve that second chance?” I ask him, my voice hoarse with the emotion.

“Of course you do. You deserve to have it all.”





Chapter 28


    Gracen


I feel like a zombie as I trudge down the staircase. I couldn’t get to sleep last night, the fight I’d had with Marek playing over and over again in my head. I told him I was leaving, and while the last thing I wanted to do was leave him, I didn’t see any other option. Our hurts ran so deep that we were just too toxic for each other. The enormity of that realization weighed so heavy on me I tossed and turned all night. If I did manage to sleep, I woke with nightmares I couldn’t quite remember what they were about but still had my heart pounding.

As soon as I hit the bottom step and look into the kitchen, I freeze to find Marek sitting at the counter and looking at me. He has a cup of coffee in front of him and I realize now that the house is eerily silent.

“Where’s Lilly?” I ask him as my eyes dart into the empty living room.

“I took her over to my parents’ this morning so we could have some privacy to talk.” His words hang heavy in the air and my stomach knots.

I want to be mad he did such a high-handed thing, but the truth is, I suppose we need to talk and figure out the mechanics of what happens next.

I walk past Marek, noting the flatness of his eyes and the paleness of his skin. I watched the game and he played awful last night. I felt a terrible because there was no doubt in my mind that the nasty words we’d thrown at each other were responsible for his game play. Just another reason, I remind myself, that we’re not good for each other.

Marek doesn’t say a word as I make my coffee. My heartbeat seems to slam hard against my chest wall, the anxiety of this confrontation so very oppressive.

“I’m sorry Lilly got hurt,” he says into the quiet, and it catches me off guard. I spin to face him. “I should have asked you. I just didn’t think there was anything wrong with it because I had been skating at that age.”

I hold my hand up to stop him, because I’d been thinking a lot about this issue last night. Once I’d gotten some distance from Marek and had calmed down a bit, I knew I’d overreacted.

“Yes, I wish you would have asked me first, but honestly…she’s not too young. I know it wasn’t anyone’s fault but those reckless kids’.”

His eyes lighten in what I think might be relief. The guilt he’d been bearing about Lilly getting hurt is so evident in his expression right now.

Marek just stares at me, as if he doesn’t know what to say next. The silence is awkward, so I turn back to the Keurig and start my coffee.

I feel him step up behind me, his presence palpable before he even puts his hands on my shoulders. He turns me to face him and I swallow hard when I see the angst on his face. “I don’t want you to go back to New York.”

And I don’t want to go back either. But I don’t see any other way.

“Marek,” I say gently. “The last thing I want to do is take Lilly away from you. But I also have to think about me as well. My parents are my support system. I miss them and they miss Lilly. There’s nothing for me here. This isn’t my home and it never will be.”

“This could be your home,” he replies.

I shake my head. “I’m not talking about a place to live. I’m talking about where I feel settled and where I belong.”

“I’m not talking about this house, Gracie.” His hands drop from my shoulders and he turns away for a moment, rubbing his fingers over his stubbled jaw. When he turns back, he takes a deep breath and says, “I said some horrible things to you last night. I had told you I was over all the shit in our past, and yet I still tried to make you feel like shit about it. That was wrong, and I swear there was no meaning behind my words. I only did it to hurt you.”

“Because I hurt you,” I finish for him, feeling ashamed that I too succumbed to such anger. “You’re a really good father, and I didn’t mean what I said either. I’m sorry.”