Marek (Cold Fury Hockey #11)(68)

Bending over, I give her a kiss on the cheek. She pats the side of my face softly and doesn’t need to say a thing in return. She knows I’m here to talk to my dad, because he’s always been my sounding board for advice.

She stands from the couch, turns, and points to it for me to sit. “I’m going to head to bed now.”

I nod and flop down. Dad returns holding two opened bottles of Molson. My mom pats him on the stomach as she brushes past him and then she disappears.

Dad hands me a bottle and then sinks back into his recliner. He doesn’t cock it back but sits on the edge, leaning toward me attentively. He waits patiently for me to talk.

I take a sip of the beer, and when I lower my bottle, I lock my eyes with my dad’s. I’ve never held back from him. While my mom loves me as unconditionally as my dad, he’s always been the one I’ve sought when I’ve needed to bare my soul.

“Gracen wants to go back to New York,” I say, deciding to jump right to the issue.

“Why?” he asks simply before taking a sip of his beer.

“We got into a fight before I left for the game.” My dad nods in understanding. I’m sure he knew the conversation wasn’t going to be pleasant when we all got home from the hospital and Gracen asked to talk to me privately. “She blamed me for Lilly’s injury. We then dredged up all the old shit between us.”

My dad chooses his words carefully, knowing that this is difficult for me. “That seems awfully drastic for Gracen to decide to return to New York. I thought things were going great between you two.”

“I thought so too,” I tell him glumly. “I mean…we were getting closer. It felt good being together again.”

She told you she loved you, Marek, and you never bothered to tell her back.

“Gotta solve the problem, buddy.” My dad looks at me expectantly. For me to figure this shit out on my own.

I blow out a breath and sit up straighter on the couch. It’s time to talk frankly.

“When Gracen first came to North Carolina, I wasn’t nice to her. I really had a hard time getting past the fact she’d kept Lilly secret.”

“Understandable.”

“And I kept throwing it in her face. I’d get pissed and just beat her up with it. She took it for a while because she felt guilty as hell. But then one day, she was just done with it. Said that she was done apologizing for it and for me to get over it.”

“She was right,” my dad murmurs.

“I know,” I say with a nod. “So I decided to let it go. I decided to focus on Lilly, and well…I focused on Gracen too. She was the one, Dad, that I should never have let get away.”

My dad shakes his head and holds up a hand. “Don’t regret your actions, Marek. You were young when you left, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting things she couldn’t give you at the time.”

I’ll never accept that. Not when I know I missed very crucial time with Gracen. When I missed the pregnancy and raising Lilly after she was born.

“At any rate,” I continue. “Gracen said she was done with being made to feel bad about it. And when we fought tonight, the first thing I did was throw that shit in her face. After I’d told her I’d forgiven her for it. And I had. I swear it. I really thought I had forgiven her, but maybe deep down I didn’t. Otherwise, why would I have so casually tossed that at her with the idea in mind of hurting her?”

I focus on my dad’s eyes, which are appraising and thoughtful all at once. He’s a kind man with a tough disposition at times. It’s a good balance, and he’s always been able to see all the puzzle pieces and how they fit together. I wait for his advice so I can roll with it.

“You’re not going to like what I have to say,” he forewarns me.

I figured it might be tough, so I just nod.

“Okay…well, people just say hurtful shit. It’s human nature.”

I blink at him as my mind twirls, trying to pick apart this deep mystery he’s unraveling for me. But I can’t quite comprehend. “Human nature?”

“Human nature,” he affirms. “If you and Gracen work through this, I guarantee one or both of you will dredge this up again. When we’re hurt, we lash out. You’re going to reach for the thing that’s going to hurt the other the most.”

“That’s not the answer,” I say stubbornly. It can’t be.

“It is the answer,” my dad presses on. “You just have to work hard at it. Relationships are a work in progress. Your mom and I have been married for thirty-nine years, and we still say hurtful shit to each other when we argue. Maybe not to the degree that you and Gracen are going through, but there was a time when we were younger that we did. You just have to accept that as humans, we’re dumb as shit sometimes. We’re rash and act without thinking.”

“Try explaining that to Gracen,” I mutter as I sink back onto the couch. “She said she was done. She’s serious, Dad.”

“Do you regret it?” he asks.

“Yes, I regret it,” I exclaim as I pop back up. “I don’t want to hurt her. I love her.”

My dad smiles at me, almost as if he’s proud to have dragged that admission from me. He sticks the knife in and turns it slightly. “Have you told her?”

I wince, thinking back to that beautiful moment when I was deep inside of Gracen’s body and she told me she loved me.