Marek (Cold Fury Hockey #11)(54)

“I’m in no rush.”

Gracen takes a sip of her coffee and looks over at Lilly. She then looks to me, leaning in slightly, and in a low voice asks, “Do you think she thought there was anything wrong with us being in bed together?”

I shrug. “I have no clue. She seemed okay with it. Is this something we need to talk to her about?”

Gracen shrugs back at me. “I have no clue either. You’re going to find out soon enough that parenting is a lot of trial and error.”

I tuck the spatula under the edge of the pancake as it starts to bubble. I look to Gracen and give her a wink. “I think you’ve done extraordinarily well so far. So whatever you think is best is fine by me.”

The gratitude in Gracen’s smile tells me that my opinion matters a lot to her. She takes another sip of coffee and asks, “Do you need me to do anything?”

I shake my head and slide the spatula under the pancake, giving it a deft one-time flip. “I’ve got to head into the gym in a little bit, and then we’re having a short team skate at the arena. But I did want to ask you a question.”

“What’s up?” she asks.

“We have a home game this Sunday afternoon, and my parents wanted to take Lilly to it. Is that okay with you?”

Something troubled flickers within Gracen’s eyes, but it’s gone so fast perhaps I imagined it. She gives me a bright smile. “Sure. I’m sure she would love that.”

Gracen starts to turn away from me, but I grab her attention before she can do so. “I got another question for you.”

She turns back to me and this time I see that her expression is guarded.

I ignore it. “And we have a home game tomorrow night. I’m sure my parents would love to stay here with Lilly, and I was wondering if you would come to the game and watch.”

Gracen’s mouth drops open in surprise. “You want me to come to your game?”

I chuckle and pull the pan off the flame, setting the spatula down on the counter. I turn to Gracen and put my hands on her hips, pulling her gently into me so I don’t spill her coffee. Her eyes cut briefly to Lilly, who is ignoring both of us, before coming back to me.

“Gracen, I would like you to come and watch my game. I want you to be there. I always did play best when you were watching me.”

Gracen blinks several times before her eyes narrow slightly. “What is this? I need to know the rules.”

My hands drop away from her and I take a step back. “Why does there have to be rules?”

Her voice is feather soft when she replies. “Because I was once an integral part of your life. That included your hockey. You broke my heart before, Marek, and I don’t want to go through that again. Because you left me for a life without responsibility and now you want to play house, want me to come watch your games, and it’s very confusing to me.”

I stomp down the tiny flush of anger that she would even be questioning my intentions, but I don’t let it overtake me. I get where she’s coming from.

“I’m as confused by this is you are, Gracen. I never thought you would be back in my life, but here you are. Here Lilly is. The fact of the matter is, my life is different now, and so are my wants.”

Gracen just stares at me, and I can see she doesn’t quite understand what I’m saying.

“We talked about this last night, Gracie. Remember…We only have right now to work with.”

Gracen’s eyes drop to the floor momentarily before sliding back up to meet mine. She leans in and whispers, “Have you forgiven me? For what I did? For not telling you about Lilly?”

I’m initially stunned she would think to ask this, but then I realize I’ve never even told her what my feelings are on the matter. All she’s ever gotten from me when it comes to my lost years with my daughter is my wrath and my anger. Ever since that day she told me she was done apologizing for it, we’ve not really talked about it.

So I lean into her, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Yes. I forgive you. And I’m actually ashamed it took me so long to do it.”

“When?”

Her question is simple and I understand it. When did my feelings about her on that subject change?

“When you told me about the placental abruption,” I tell her quietly. “I mean…my anger had started to melt away before that. I knew when I first kissed you in the kitchen that night I couldn’t be all that mad at you to do that. But that night when you told me you almost died, I realized. You’ve had your own struggles and losses. I guess I just realized that I needed to let it go, because I saw that despite what you went through, you’ve put on a stiff upper lip and moved on. I need to do the same.”

Gracen blows out a breath, clearly relieved by my answer. I hate that she even has room to be relieved—still suffering guilt—but at least now we’ve discussed that.

“So are you going to come to the game tomorrow night? Reed said Josie’s going, so I figured you two could sit together and then maybe all of us could go out afterward.”

Before Gracen can answer, my phone starts ringing. I pull it out of my pocket to check who’s calling, realizing I need to answer.

I look back up to Gracen. “I’ve got to take this. Are you in?”

She gives me a tentative smile. “Sure. Sounds like fun.”