Marek (Cold Fury Hockey #11)(49)

There’s one other serious thing I want to talk about, and after we have that discussion, I’m going to kiss her and see what happens. My hand slides into my pocket and I finger the condom I slipped in a bit ago.

“Listen,” I say as I turn slightly to face her on the bed. I place a palm on the mattress and lean toward her. “Last night…”

She tilts her head slightly, curiously waiting for whatever I want to say.

“We didn’t use protection.” My voice is gentle but blunt. We should have talked about this before, and that’s my fault. I was too eager to have her. “I just wanted you to know…I don’t go around having unprotected sex. You’re safe. But I have to know, Gracie…with Owen. I mean, he was a whore in high school…”

“He still is,” she says calmly with a disgusted shake of her head. My stomach drops not only for what that might mean for me, but for what it meant for her feelings. Did she feel betrayed? Did he break her heart?

“But you don’t have to worry about it,” she goes on to say. “Owen and I never had sex.”

Relief and shock overwhelm me for a moment as I try to process what she just said. “Come again?”

“We never went there,” she says with her chin raised a bit. “I kept putting him off. Telling him we’d wait for our wedding night, and well…he didn’t care. He had his piece on the side.”

“I’m sorry,” I tell her, although I’m not. I’m fucking overjoyed she didn’t have sex with him. I’m not a fool to think she was celibate the years we were apart, but fuck if I want the image of her and Owen together in my mind.

“Don’t be,” she says with a shrug. “And you’ve got absolutely nothing to worry about with me. I’ve always been safe.”

Fuck, I want to kiss her.

My fingertip slides over the smooth foil wrapper. If she tells me she’s on the pill, I’m tossing this fucker into the garbage. “Um…what about pregnancy? We already know my swimmers like your eggs.”

I expect her to laugh at my attempt to lighten the mood, but the normal shine in her eyes goes flat as she frowns. Her gaze drops to her hands, which I notice tighten to the point her knuckles are white.

My stomach clenches.

“Gracen?” I ask, feeling completely uneasy over what she might tell me, and I’m thinking a potential pregnancy isn’t the worst of it.

She sucks in a breath, and when she looks back to me, she has a forced smile. Her voice is overly bright. “You don’t have to worry about that either.”

That’s an answer, but I can tell it’s not the full answer based on her demeanor.

“You’re on the pill?” I press her.

Her expression looks like a deer in the headlights. Her lips part, but she doesn’t say a word.

I’m filled with dread and my voice is way too tight. “Why don’t we have to worry about pregnancy?”

My stomach cramps viciously when Gracen’s face goes hard and flat. She lifts her chin, but can’t hide the tremble in her voice. “Because I can’t have any more children.”

“What?” I ask in disbelief, but my words come out so softly I barely hear them.

“I had a placental abruption about a week before Lilly’s due date. They had to take her by emergency C-section. When they couldn’t get the bleeding under control, they had to do a hysterectomy to save my life.”

I’m going to hurl. Vomit my guts up right here on her bed. My hand slides out of my pocket, the condom seeming like the worst idea I’ve ever had.

“I don’t understand what that means.” My hand curls into a fist and I want to slam it into a wall. “You told my mom you went into labor when you were in class.”

“No, I didn’t say I went into labor. She asked how the delivery was and I said it was fine. But I was in class when I started bleeding, so that started everything…”

“I don’t understand. What’s a placental abruption? Why does it happen?”

“No clue why it happens,” she says as she picks at the hem of her frayed shorts. “But it’s where the placenta detaches from the uterine lining. This disrupts the flow of oxygen to the baby. It’s very dangerous. Luckily, an ambulance got me to the nearby hospital and they were able to get Lilly out in time. She’s perfectly fine, if you’re worried about that. She was close enough to the due date that her lungs were developed well enough.”

I shake my head hard, opening my fist and closing it again. “I know Lilly’s fine. I just…I can’t believe you didn’t tell me that. I mean, fuck…you went through all that by yourself?”

Another shrug as she lifts her gaze to me. “Why would I tell you? It has nothing to do with you.”

That shouldn’t hurt, but it does. She’s right. It’s none of my business, but damn it, it should have been my business.

And fuck.

Just fuck.

She had a hysterectomy. She can’t have any more children. Lilly is it for her unless she adopts, and she can’t ever get pregnant again by me.

I shake my head hard and push up off the bed so fast Gracen lets out a little gasp. Why in the fuck I’m even thinking about getting her pregnant is beyond me, but I need to shut that shit down fast.