Limitless Love (Lotus House #4)(29)
“Hey, Lil, can you go draw another picture of your family, one with Atlas and Mila and the new baby coming? We can add that one to the fridge too.”
Her eyes got big, and she spun in a circle. “So fun!” she squealed and ran off back down the hall.
Once Lily was out of earshot, I approached Monet with a hand to her shoulder. “I don’t know what to say.” She flinched at my touch. A far cry from where we were two minutes before.
She flattened her lips. “I knew this was going to happen with you around every day.” She shook her hands in the air while starting to pace. “She’s attached to you. I can’t believe it.”
“Ouch, that hurt. Why wouldn’t she be attached to me? I’m a cool guy.” I stayed on the opposite side of the counter, allowing her some space to freak out. I’d rather she did it in front of me than go inside her head and push me away slowly.
Her head lifted and her gaze shot daggers. “Clay, she’s never attached to anyone this fast. Ever!” She spun around too fast, her arms shifting more quickly than I’d seen her move yet. A wince stole across her face, and she braced the counter to steady herself, breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth. I could tell her movement had twisted her back too far.
I sighed and reclined against the counter, gripping the rounded edge while I watched the woman I cared about pushing through her pain. It killed me not to go to her and comfort her, but I didn’t think that was what she needed or wanted just then.
“Look, I like Lily. Love her, even,” I said, allowing the truth of the words to roll around in my head.
“She’s easy to love,” Monet sighed, using the words Atlas always had when it came to the sweet little girl. “But I have to protect her.” She sucked in a harsh breath, and her head fell forward. “When you leave us, it will destroy her.”
When you leave us. When, not if.
I cringed and clenched my teeth at the severity of what she’d said. “Let’s get this straight, right now. Nothing in life is guaranteed, Monet. Fucking nothing. I’ve learned that the hard way too many times. I’ve had everything I’ve ever wanted dangled right before my eyes and then snatched away in an instant.” I clenched my teeth, remembering how much it hurt when Stacey’s lies were revealed. If I’d gotten through that—granted, it had taken years—there was no way I wasn’t going to fight for Monet, for what we were on the cusp of having together.
She lifted her shoulders and turned around to face me. Her posture exuded sadness and regret. I wanted so badly to scoop her into my arms and hold her, tell her it would be okay, because I had no intention of not seeing this through. Every day I came here put me one step closer to never wanting to leave.
“Beautiful, we have to take risks in life. No risk means no reward.”
Monet closed her eyes and slumped against the counter. “I don’t know if I can take that risk. It’s not just me in the picture. Not just my heart at stake here, Clay.” Her voice shook, and I could see the weight of concern and fear pressing down on her.
“I get that you’re a mother protecting your daughter. What you’re not seeing is that you don’t need to protect her from me.” I reached out but she backed away. The move hurt like a hundred bees stinging me at once.
She needed space, but fuck all if I wanted to give it to her. The metallic taste of blood hit my taste buds as I clenched my teeth around the inside of my cheek to hold back my frustration. My anger was not going to help her see the light.
A puff of air left her mouth, and she ran a shaky hand through her hair. “Her own father left. Didn’t want anything to do with her. You’ve known her just over a week. One week. He had two years.”
Everything she said was true, yet it still shoved a knife through my soul. I couldn’t imagine ever leaving Lily or Monet now that I’d had a small taste. I only wanted more.
Deciding to go for broke, I laid myself out there. “And in the past week, I’ve already fallen in love with her. No matter what happens to us, I’d never just bail on her.”
She shook her head and looked down at the floor. “You say that now, but…”
I couldn’t stop the forward momentum of my legs. They were going to her led by my heart, not my head. Moving slowly I put my arms on each side of the counter, trapping her in, forcing her to be inside the bubble of what I was feeling. “Monet, I’m saying I love her and I mean it. Don’t confuse me with your douchebag ex-husband. I’ve been here every day since what he did to you, and I’m not going anywhere.”
Her eyes filled with tears and she swallowed. “You barely know me,” she whispered, agony coating her tone.
“I know enough,” I fired back with a conviction I felt down to my toes. “Be in this with me. Take a chance.” The plea slipped from my tongue with no thought to hold it back. I needed her to find it inside of herself to commit. To take a chance on me.
Her chin trembled and her voice splintered. “You’re asking me to risk my heart. My daughter’s heart.”
I shook my head, cupped her cheek, and gave her everything I was capable of giving. “No. I’m asking you to allow a little room in that heart for me. Just a little for now. I’ll work toward filling it up so full you’ll be bursting with it.”
At my words, she curved her lips into a small smile, and I could see the fear fading from her eyes. It wasn’t much, but I’d take the tiny reprieve for what it was. A foot in the door.