Limitless Love (Lotus House #4)(33)

“You’re not throwing that dress away. It looks amazing on you, and you love it.” Mila frowned and reclined against the doorjamb.

“Correction!” I pointed the hanger at my best friend. “It used to look good on me. Those days are over.”

I grabbed another random dress. This one had a cutout in the center of the back that was shaped like a diamond. I didn’t know if it would show the new feature my ex had so lovingly carved into me, but I wasn’t thinking straight and didn’t care. It had an open spot on the back so it had to go. “You’re out!” I flung it over my shoulder.

“Moe.” Mila approached me and placed her hand on my wrist. “Please stop this.”

“What? I’m just cleaning house. Getting rid of all the things I can no longer wear now that I’m hideous!”

Mila clenched her teeth. “You are not hideous. You have been injured, but you will heal.”

I laughed hysterically, more tears flowing down my cheeks, much to my dismay. “I’ll never be the same.”

“No, you won’t.”

I jolted back and looked at my best friend’s sorrowful brown eyes.

“You won’t be the same again. Everything that happens to us in life changes us in one way or another. We learn to live with those changes in whatever way we need to.”

“And this is my way!” I pointed at the dresses and decided to grab all of them in a heaping armful and yank them off the rod. Pain splintered in my back but I didn’t care. They had to go.

Mila let me throw the whole lot on the ground. “This isn’t the way, Moe, and you know it. What would you tell your clients in a situation like this?”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “Don’t you use psychiatry on me. I’m the one with the degree.” I ground my teeth, ire burning hot under the surface of my skin.

Mila, being my best friend, didn’t even flinch. “You’re acting irrationally, and someone has to tell it to you straight.”

“So tell it to me straight. Go ahead, give it to me!” I growled, clenching my hands into fists, waiting for the blow that was sure to come.

Mila shook her head. “Moe, you need help. You have to talk to someone about what happened. You’re not talking to me, or Atlas, or even Clay.”

I sucked in a huge breath and wiped my wet cheeks. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not,” she fired back.

“Let me be the judge of that.”

“You’re not capable of judging your actions right now.”

“Mila…you’re walking on dangerous ground here,” I warned.

Mila threw her hand up out in front of me in a stop gesture. “Shut up. You would never allow me to lose my shit like this, and I’m not going to allow you to either. When’s the next time going to happen? When you have Lily with you? Huh? What if she wasn’t at school and saw you like this right now? Do you think it’s okay for her to see you like this? A sobbing mess, throwing away perfectly good clothes, acting irrationally?”

I scowled. “Are you telling me that I’d hurt my daughter?”

“Intentionally? Never. But you not taking care of you will ultimately hurt her. Look at yourself.”

“I did. In the mirror!” I screeched like an evil banshee. “I finally looked at myself, Mila! I saw what he did to me. I saw it, and it’s disgusting. Repulsive!” My legs gave out, and I landed on the floor of my closet, shaking, sweaty, destroyed.

Mila rushed to me, went to her knees, and put her hands on my shoulders. “I swear it will heal. It will look better, but it takes time. Honey, it just takes time.”

I lifted my head. My eyes were like faucets, tears coming so fast I couldn’t stop them. The only time I’d ever cried this hard was when Kyle left me for my sister. “What am I going to do?” I choked on a sob.

Mila put her arms loosely around me, and I nestled my face against her neck. I cried so hard while my best friend held me. “You’re going to cry it out. You’re going to get the stitches removed and let your body heal. I’ll get some essential oils to help reduce the scarring. You are going to make an appointment to talk to someone.”

“Mila…” I gasped through the tears. She made it sound so easy, when it felt like an avalanche was pressing me down into the ground.

“No. You’re going to do what I say because you know I love you. Right now, you’re going to lean on me, Atlas, and Clay. The three of us are going to get you through this. I promise. One day, this will not crush you.”

“He already did. He crushed my heart when he cheated and left; now he’s destroyed my body. What else is there?”

She held me tighter. I didn’t tell her she was hurting my wound, because I needed to feel the pain, feel something instead of the bone-crushing grief over what I’d become.

“Moe, life has just begun. A woman I adore, love more than anything, once told me every day life starts over with new things to appreciate and love.”

I closed my eyes, remembering when I’d said those very words to Mila when she was scared to commit to Atlas. She’d been hurt by the past and by him but needed to let go in order to move on. And there they were; my words had come back to haunt me.

“Please focus on what’s ahead. Lily. The new baby. Clayton.”