Kian (Undercover Billionaire, #1)(21)

She’d certainly matured in other ways—emotionally and physically. But maybe those were things that were so much more obvious to her than to an outsider. She cringed a little when thinking of Eden as an outsider. This was her best friend—or at least she’d once been her best friend, and now Roxie didn’t know her at all. She didn’t know anyone from her past anymore.

She really thought of her life in two parts. Her time in Edmonds, which was most of her life, and her time away, which was about four years. Though the time away was far shorter than her time growing up, the past four years were truly what had shaped her. She’d been little more than a girl when she’d left. She had no doubt she was now a woman, though she still didn’t know exactly who she was.

Was it sad that she had come back around in a seemingly endless circle? She was back where she’d begun, but she’d made no true progress in life. And now she was jobless, low on money, and responsible for her niece, whose life could forever be changed by any decisions Roxie made. That was a responsibility she didn’t want to take credit for.

Finally, Roxie thought about Eden’s comment about a husband. Though Roxie wasn’t wearing a ring, that didn’t seem to matter nowadays. She could see how people would assume she was in a happy little unit—husband, check, child, check, white-picket-fence home, check. If only life could be wrapped up so neatly with a pretty red bow on top.

But Roxie hadn’t managed to sustain a relationship, not since leaving Kian four years earlier. It truly wasn’t fair to the opposite sex when a woman dated a man like him first. No one seemed to compare. She’d make it on first dates, but then never could go back for a second, even when she berated herself, trying to make herself go. She always found an excuse and got out of it. That was her life now, it seemed.

Lily shifted in her seat and looked up at Roxie as if she was drawing from her uncertainty and nervousness. The child was bound to grow up neurotic having Roxie as her main caregiver. Roxie had the sudden urge to beg for forgiveness as she clung tightly to her niece. She somehow managed not to do just that. Eden was waiting patiently as Roxie wrestled with all these thoughts. It felt like hours, but only seconds had passed.

“I’m not married,” Roxie said with a fake smile.

“Looks like neither of us has changed much,” Eden said with a somewhat false laugh.

“I don’t know whether that’s good or bad,” Roxie said. She laughed, but even to herself, the sound came out hollow. “But I do know that Lily and I are now facing the world together, so that’s one thing that’s different.”

Sympathy instantly flashed across Eden’s face, and Roxie cringed. She didn’t want sympathy. She just wanted to go back to some semblance of normalcy in her life, whether that was possible or not.

“You always were stronger than you thought,” Eden said.

“I’m glad someone thinks that,” Roxie said, this time with a real smile. “I did fail my sister, though, and that doesn’t show any strength at all. I just have to live with the guilt of that knowledge, and I have to try to be a better aunt than I was a sister, for not being there for her while she was falling apart. Maybe if I had been there, this situation never would have happened.”

She finished off with her smile fading away. She somehow felt bad when she did feel a moment of joy. Was it okay to feel good when her sister never could experience life again? She didn’t think so.

“You can’t blame yourself for someone else’s actions,” Eden quickly assured her. It wasn’t taking Roxie long to remember why she had loved this person for so many years. “And it’s certainly not selfish to strive for your own dreams. It wasn’t as if you were doing it at someone else’s expense.” There was more passion in Eden’s voice as she finished her words.

“You were always that friend that made me feel better about myself at the end of a conversation,” Roxie said. “I can’t believe I ever forgot that.”

“Things got rough for you in your last months here. I understand,” Eden said. The warmth in the woman’s eyes made Roxie glad she was sitting. She didn’t understand how forgiving Eden was acting toward her, considering how easily Roxie had walked away.

“I’m sorry I left the way I did,” Roxie said.

“You had to do what you had to do. But you’re home now. Is it permanent?” With those words, Roxie could see Eden had a little bit of her own guard up. She was still being more open than Roxie had the right to expect, though.

“I don’t know yet,” Roxie admitted.

“Well, you’re here for now, and you have your beautiful niece with you, and you know the people of this town will embrace you both.”

“Yeah, sometimes it’s a little overwhelming to have so many people watching every action you make,” Roxie said.

“Tell me about it,” Eden said with a sigh that had Roxie wondering if there was a story there to be told.

“Is there any special man in your life?” Roxie asked.

“Ah, you didn’t pay attention when I said I was a single woman,” Eden pointed out as she held up an orange. “I would be eating chocolate if I were in a relationship,” she added with a laugh.

“You’ve always looked amazing. I don’t think you need to abstain from anything,” Roxie said.